I know this probably sounds stupid but, should I speak up about what has been hurting me? Is it really worth it?
Context: I (22, F) have been in a friend group (only females) for about a year now (met them at Uni), but I’ve been seeing things that have been making me unhappy. I don’t know what having a best friend means, I’ve always been a loner and have trouble bonding with people. I managed to keep a friend group in high school but them b*tches had preferences and left me scarred since I felt like I couldn’t fit in. Anyway, back to the first part: I don’t really know if I’m the one who’s wrong or if it’s just them being (unconsciously) assholes. Problem is, again, preferences, and although I’ve given it all to each one of them they still act like I’m the less deserving of attention. Basically, each one of them individually has a best friend in the group (C. has F., R. has Y. etc) but I do not and that has been real hard on me. I feel so left out. I don’t know. Should I speak up to them about stuff that has been done to me that hurt me?
Some of these things include: F. has been having some strange behaviors around my boyfriend, nothing happened but she seemed shady; C. has been lovebombing me since day one but always preferred someone else; Y. hangs out with R. who lives about 1 and a half hour away from her and has never visited me even when I told her I needed her (we are 30mins away from each other); R. has been blaming me for something that Y. did (we discussed her private life when she wasn’t there but I said nothing, and the topic was brought up by Y. A day later R. sent me a message that sounded really aggressive. It’s unclear if Y. has taken even the smallest part of that blame). F., C., Y., R. and I all met at Uni.
I’m not used to opening up and I feel very vulnerable when that happens. I don’t feel like it’s worth it not even one bit because I feel like they’ll keep hurting me more. Idk. I am that kind of person that gives you the world but when I do ppl just trash me. Should I just leave it and move on?
What are your thoughts?