I’m 25M and struggling. I’d like to know if what I fantasize about isn’t rare and if there are many out there. Purely just need this for hope.
My ex used to be so soft and gentle with me. She used to calm me down when I got angry. Had a rule that we never go to bed angry. She was the kindest soul that never needed any expensive gifts. She literally never even entertained the thought of any guy whilst she was with me. I kid you not, I never caught her looking at other men or even thinking other men were hot in an ENTIRE 3 years. Most loyal person I ever met.
Her voice so soft and gentle it calmed me. She believed in me and never stopped believing in my dreams. Supported me in every single way. I could come home after a long day and lose all my masculinity, and feel absolutely safe in her arms whilst I curled up like a baby. We used to slow dance in the kitchen and leave the most beautiful notes to each other. Sex wasn’t just sex for us, it was like souls merging everytime. Wasn’t fucking but making love. We had our own “word” our own special song, our own movie, our own inside jokes.
EDIT: yes I understand that I’m just looking at the good things. People are never perfect like this and I’m just obsessed. I choose to overlook her faults because it wasn’t like she cheated. It’s a choice I want to change.
She’s my ex because life took us in different directions. She didn’t know what she wanted in life even though she wanted me and I was going away overseas for 2 years.
I just want to know that this exists out there and that whilst it was special, maybe it isn’t as rare as I think? Maybe there is no such thing as “the one”
11 comments
So why is she your ex?
Who left who?
You sound like you’d benefit from watching “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”. Great post break-up movie.
“It’s like The Sopranos, its OVER. Find a new show!”
Seriously though I had a major break-up around your age so I sympathize. Some of the most intense emotional pain I ever went through. Losing your first love is probably one of the defining emotional moments of your adult life.
But this too shall pass.
Get out there, get exercising, do what you love and in time there will be another. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but there will be. This is just a speedbump on your journey. Learn what you can from it and move on.
Not only will there be another, there’ll probably be a better one.
I relate a little too well!
Life split me and my ex 2 ways and it was hands down the worst thing id gone through. But i live very happily with those memories, no one left hurt, no one blames anyone. It was truly and purely, love. Right person wrong time.
Its been 2 years since then and i miss him now and again but mostly in a sense that i hope hes well and wish we could catch up. We’re both doing really well in the things that took us different directions, the 3 years we were together i kinda just hold in a happy little bubble. However, it hasnt stopped me from liking a guy now. Hes interested in me and i like him, im more excited than anything to see how it all turns out.
Good luck to you and your ex, you both sound like overall, wonderful people.
Yes those qualities exist in a lot of women. Often its not that women hold these attributes but often if you bring those positive attributes out in each other. So not so much “are there girls out there like that” but will I find someone who loves me like that, and you will. Maybe not in the exact same ways, maybe even in better ways.
You’re looking for a therapist, and a mother all rolled into a girlfriend.
Naaah fam
Sounds a lot like what me and my partner have.
There’s no such thing as “the one”. There are, in my experience, several “the one”‘s. But not a ton. For me, perhaps 4-5 so far.
However, there are many, many quality women out there. There are also some who won’t add to your life. Set your non-negotiables and don’t be afraid to stand for them. When you find one, do your best to lift her up the same way she lifts you up and you’ll do fine.
When I was 26 I had met two of the 4-5 people I could have spent my life with. It wasn’t until 31y.o. that I met someone I wanted to spend my whole life with so concretely. And that didn’t end up working out. Life is funny that way. I say all of this just to let you know that you’ll be okay. As you get older there’s more to live for and “the one” seems unnecessarily narrow.
There are women who are loyal and supportive and loving and comforting, absolutely.
My partner and I have a relationship like what you describe *but* it isn’t just me coddling and comforting him. He puts as much or more effort into caring for and loving me as I do into the same for him. I would absolutely not spend a single minute on a man who didn’t. And the one difference is that he and I both know that our emotions are ours to manage, not our partners. I will not ever be someone else’s anger management.
What are you doing to make sure you are a viable partner to the kind of woman you want?
Yes there are many people like her, but you can’t even see them because your still grieving your lost relationship. Your words sound like you still love your ex, and that’s okay, she seems like a lovely person. Be patience with yourself, wait until you’re ready to date again, and i promise you, you will find the person you’re looking for, but right now it doesn’t sound like your ready to date again.
How many people have you met through the years? How many of those people were good people?
That’s the thing. You can meet good people every day, you just won’t always find women who are interested in you romantically. But that doesn’t mean that they’re not good people.
I’m a lot like that. Have my faults too but I’m *very* loving.
We’re out there.