I have a very hard time moving from first/second dates to a longer-term situation with the women I date. It doesn’t matter if it’s from dating apps, meeting through friends, bars/clubs, school/work, etc. But I recently went out with an amazing woman and we had a very nice first date – dinner, a bar, and a romantic walk around a lake. We shared a kiss, held hands, and she wrote to me when she got home that she had a great evening.
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The thing is, this has happened again and again and even though all the signs are good, I can’t seem to reach a second or third date. I get the “let’s be friends” or “not ready to date” message. Because of these constant rejections, I realize I can’t put all my eggs in one basket and I try to date 2-3 women in a week/at a time. But this is so hard for me. I end up coming home an daydreaming about the woman I really care about. Then I look at her tinder profile and see that her location has changed by a bit – indicating she is still using the app.
I bet there are many people in this same situation, so I’m asking for some thoughts on how you deal with this. I will ask out this girl again soon on a second date and I have no expectations, but I need to be ready for a rejection. I would hate to go back to the endless first dates, but it is what it is.
3 comments
I continue to go on dates until exclusivity is established.
Before then, you are a free bird. Exercise your liberty.
I get quick feelings too. I’ve learned to keep them in check. The fantasy of this other person is just a fantasy, treat it as such.
I usually continue going on other dates no matter how much I like the guy. There have been too many times where I’ve had great first dates that didn’t lead to seconds. Or seconds that felt very promising, only to be ghosted or for things to just fizzle out. If I’ve been on a few dates with someone, I really like him and he makes it clear that he likes me and wants to see where things go, then I’ll definitely slow down talking to other guys or going on other dates