TL/DR: Had a brief fling with a crush. She ended it. I wound up in a LTR for 7 years. She hit me up with a flirty text. I have zero interest.
Years ago I had a small crush on a friends sister, let’s call her Ashley (3~4 yrs diff). My friend was actually in favor of us dating because he had a thing for my sister. She was never interested so I put it out of my head
A few years went by and I was headed out on a family vacation and needed someone to watch my dog. I put a request of on Facebook for someone to dog sit for the week and received a text from Ashley saying she would be happy to watch my place and the dog. Perfect, dog problem solved.
When I returned she had already cleared out of my place. We are texting about how things went and she says “oh hey I left a hair dryer at your place, mind if I run out and pick it up”-sure no problem. We chat for a bit and wind up making out in my kitchen! Wtf, was not expecting that? She apparently had left the hair dryer ON PURPOSE and wanted to come back with the hopes I would make a move. I was floored.
We wound up hanging out more and eventually classified ourselves as dating. In general she was a little bit flaky but it didn’t bother me. I wouldn’t have made a big deal about it anyway as I had dated a girl that was wildly controlling and emotionally abusive and didn’t want to do that to someone.
Maybe a month after making things official she says she doesn’t want to be a thing anymore, justification: I don’t make a big enough deal about it when she flakes. It sucked
Then shit got weird. Maybe every month so we would wind up making out or she would text me dirty stuff in the middle of the night. Finally one night mid texting the crush-fog finally lifted and I was just done with her using me for attention.
A few months later I was dating someone seriously,wound up engaged but never managed to get married. That was about 7 years long.
I’ve been single for a bit and finally back to dating after recovering from my breakup. I was swiping tinder one night and BAM! there’s Ashley.
I was very conflicted.
After everything before I didn’t see myself being interested in anything more than a physical relationship. Even then I didn’t have much interest in risking that weirdness all over again.
I did a bit of Facebook sleuthing and apparently she had a kid not that long ago and the dad didn’t stick around. That fucking sucks. Unfortunately I’m not in a place where I could handle dating a single mom.
Adding all that together, I swiped left.
Ashley and I had played soccer at the same place for years before lockdown. Now that people have been coming out of their Covid hibernation her team is back. I frequently sub for teams that are short a player and had picked up a couple games with her team over the preceding months. I’ve been polite but not flirty.
This past Monday I woke up to a message from her saying I need to “stay out of her dreams when she has to wake up early on a Monday”
I don’t know what to say and most likely won’t respond.
It annoyed me. She had her chance. It felt like she tried to put me on “pause” while figuring out if she could do better or something more exciting.
I get that we were almost a decade younger and have both changed a lot emotionally, but I have zero interest.
Do I leave it at no response as is or respond and let her know I have no interest in picking things back up.
4 comments
If she played games like being flakey to see how you would react and things like that, I doubt she’s changed much. Everything comes with a price, it wouldn’t ever be “just sex”. If you’re only interested in hooking up with someone at the moment, don’t do it with someone who you have/had emotional ties with.
If you don’t respond to say you are not interested…she will keep texting you.
You don’t really have to be harsh just say you don’t want to see anyone right now
You can simply let her know that you just don’t want anything physical or emotional with her. If you are cool with just being friends. You can definitely just say. “Ashley let’s just be friends.”