Women, whose parents are happily married, what lessons have you learned from their relationship? What, in your opinion, is preserving their happy and healthy relationship?

10 comments

1. Some of the things I learned:

   1) Never lose the good mood. Joke around together always, try to always assume positive intent and be a good sport about comments, not everything is meant to be an invitation for an argument, and even if it is, if you don’t start it or play it as silly, it tends to die down

   2) Never stop doing caring things. Since they got back together (they were separated for a few years) dad brings breakfast in bed to my mom every day. And mom makes him fresh coffee every time he leaves for work and comes back. You gotta keep doing sweet stuff to each other so to not take them for granted.

   3) Have your own space. Do things separate, have separate rooms you like to lounge in the house, and respect that sometimes the other person is just looking for some alone time and doesn’t want to be in the same room/interact

2. Help each other.

3. Most importantly, marry the right person. That means compatibility in your habits, values, morals and goals.
   Communicate well. Don’t hold grudges. Enjoy the simple things in life. Laugh a lot.

4. I grew up with my grandparents raising me, thankfully, otherwise I’m sure I’d have a horrible view on relationships if my parents were where I learned about them.

   With my grandparents, they were always respectful of each other even when angry or arguing. They knew when to let the other have their space and let them do things without the other. They supported each other in their passions and goals. They never stopped having fun with each other.

5. They have different, but complimentary personalities. I think that’s what makes a solid marriage.

   My mom is very outgoing and will make friends with anyone, but loves her down time. She loves to travel, but doesn’t mind hanging out at home. She loves to buy fun things for herself and her loved ones (anywhere from a new phone to a fridge magnet), but never buys more than she can afford. My mom is a “visionary” type. She loves to plan, organize, think ahead.
   My dad is very introverted, but loves hanging out with his family and friends. He prefers to stay home, but will go anywhere with an open mind. He hates to spend money on himself, but is very generous. My dad is a “doer” type. He just does whatever needs to get done.

   1) Both of my parents have their own spending accounts and 1 for the household. This minimizes arguments about money.
   2) Participate in hobbies together and apart. Both my parents play tennis together (and apart). And my mom plays pickle ball while dad plays golf.
   3) Go on dates.

   I think in the end, they both think they got “the better deal”.

6. Maintain some independence. Be able to be happy with your own hobbies and friendships rather than centering your partner in all things. On the “for better or worse” side, make sure you’re marrying someone you’re compatible with because you’re probably not going to be able to make substantial changes to their behavior. That one took my parents a while but they’re both a lot happier now that they’ve accepted each other’s (often weird/annoying) quirks.

7. I think these are the things I have learnt from my parents marriage:

   1. Be independent but support each other in life goals/ambitions.
   2. Be financially independent. Extremely important for women especially.
   3. Don’t hold grudges and learn to let go quickly.

8. My parents are going to be married for 28 years this dec. lessons ive learned: marriage is compromise (on both sides). Always put each other first. Be each others best friend. Do things together. When there is an issue speak up asap. That way it gets resolved quicker

9. My parents have been married for over 30 years now. I used to just see them as my parents rather than people with complex personalities, so my view of them has shifted over time.
   One big thing for me is I don’t think I ever realized as a kid how frequently they communicate with each other. Like yeah, they live together, they spend a lot of time together by default. Recently my mom visited me and I was shocked that they talked on the phone multiple times a day just to check in. It was a level of communication I hadn’t really seen from them growing up.
   I also recently realized that they are really similar in social situations. My dad is generally more temperamental and my mom can be a bit of a pushover, which can cause arguments between them in private. But when they’re out with friends they are both very outgoing and the life of the party. They’re a much better team than I would’ve given then credit for as a kid.

10. Compromise, not “keeping score”, and realizing that it isn’t always easy sailing.