About a year and a half ago, I found out that my mother was cheating and having an affair with a co-worker of her’s. I immidiately told my dad and this basically led to the end of their marriage.
My mom was never there for me as a mother. She didn’t care about my upbringing and barely was part of my life. My dad was the one who was beside me every step I took and every hardship I had. Through out my entire childhood, she was using my father, was always angry with him and treating him like shit. My father would always comply to my mom’s need and she did nothing in return.
But I still had a female family member to look up to and that was my aunt. She cared more about me than my mom did and was always there for me if I needed her. We got along great and she also helped me through some tough times. She supported and encouraged me to go to college and helped me figure it all out. She always had a good relationship with my dad as family. She even showed her support when she found out her sister cheated on my dad.
I currently live together with my dad and barely have any contact with my mother. My dad recently sat me down to talk and told me that him and my aunt were really getting along great together. He told me that they were both interested in seeing eachother romantically but weren’t sure if I would be ok with it and if this would complicate my bond with my mother.
This does seem a bit weird to me but to be honest I actually am supportive of the idea. They were both very important in my upbringing and I’m sure they would be great for eachother. I already barely have a relationship with my mother so I really don’t care about what she has to say. My father and aunt both deserve to be happy. How should I navigate the situation?
29 comments
You sound like a very well rounded individual for such a young age. There’s nothing wrong with supporting the two people who have supported you the most. If you are happy for them then tell them. I’m sure you will all benefit from being happier and having a toxic person out of your lives.
There is not really much to navigate. You are a grown-up, they are as well. This shouldn’t have any impact on your relationship with your mother, unless she is very crazy. It will affect sisters relationship with mother, but you shouldn’t worry about all that.
It seems weird, but in reality this sort of thing happens way more often than we think they do. They’ve known each other long enough to know each other. I think it’s great that they decided to seek your blessing before they just spring it on you. That shows that they’re both still thinking of you, even though you are an adult.
I suggest you give them your blessing and wish them the best.
It happened in my family. My uncle divorced his wife, and then married his former sister in law. This happened before I was born, so I never knew the first wife very well. I know it was weird for my cousins. They both had children with their first spouses. Eventually, everyone made peace.
I believe my aunt and uncle were literally soulmates. They were so in love. They had a really long, loving marriage, traveled everywhere, and had lots of grandkids. He passed away recently. She has late stage dementia, and doesn’t remember him or any of us anymore.
If your dad’s happy, your aunt’s happy, and you’re happy, it could be a really positive thing for your family. I wish all of you the best.
It’s weird, but good for him! Nothing wrong with it given the circumstance
It is, but your mom suck, so who cares?
[it only gets weird when a dead relative starts demanding vengeance and then before you know it, your college friends show up to be ineffectual annoyances, you go to meet your significant other’s family and their dad drones on so long you wanna stab somebody, you yell at the love of your life to go to a nunnery, and the next family gathering has poisoned swords then everyone gets drop dead drunk.](https://www.sparknotes.com/shakespeare/hamlet/summary/)
(okay fuck fine, actual advice, you sound like you’re doing just fine tbh. navigate it by continuing to do exactly what you’re doing. plus, honestly, the people most wanting to bug you about it will probably be within range of bugging your dad and aunt directly and go after them instead lol.)
Its not that weird, your mom sounds like a nightmare and your aunt sound amazing.
You should be happy for them, you have a great family sans mom
Tbh your mom sounds like a total bitch. Your dad can finally have a woman in his life that doesn’t suck his life from him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting two people you care about to be happy.
All of you sound like very good people, except your mom of course. Be happy for them!
This kind of sounds like an ideal outcome to a bad situation lol. You got your chosen mom! Yay
Doesn’t sound like there’s much to navigate lol. Your dad found a supportive partner he deserves and it just happens to be someone who has already been a role model in your life. You’ve basically already cut out your toxic mother so I guess just live happily
It’s kinda weird
I think it’s a great idea. Assuming their relationship is healthy and yours too, nothing to feel weird about! You’re all adults. People don’t always get to choose who they fall in love with. I hope you all have a very happy life together!
Be prepared to discover that your dad has been seeing your aunt for a long time already and that there’s way more to the story than what you know. I’m not telling you that as a fact, I’m saying it’s a possibility and you shouldn’t be blindsided by it.
This is a related practice… quite common in history.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levirate_marriage?wprov=sfti1
Sounds like you’re happy . It’ll be a bit weird at first but you’ll adjust to it.
Beware of the your egg donors reaction. She’ll make it a big deal and all about herself
your dad deserves to be happy. So does your aunt.
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Bes the best daughter/niece you can be
>if it would complicate the bond with my mother
What bond? Looks like they’re good to go.
Just to be clear, ink is dry on your parents divorce right? Last thing your dad needs is your mom going berserk when she finds out your dad is involved with her younger sister and turning a divorce nasty.
Meh. It might raise some eyebrows, but I think most people would be fine with it.
One thing your dad might want to beware of: his ex is likely to start spreading rumors that your dad cheated on her with her sister.
Gross. Absolutely disgusting. I have 4 sisters and would never even think about it. 🤢
I would personally not believe it just started now, but maybe since your mother was not a good mom that’s not something that would matter to you. Either way, it’s always good to sleep on it and figure out how you honestly feel beyond a knee jerk reaction.
After reading this twice, it sounds like your mom wasn’t the only one having an affair. I wouldn’t be surprised if your dad and aunt had more than a sisters bf-gf sister relationship before you told your dad about your mom affair. I’m assuming your dad never actually cheated but also gonna assume that they at the very least knew they wanted each other way beforehand but never acted on those desires out of respect for your mom.
Thanks for the testimonial, hope it works out well.
I’ve never supported an inner family relationship, but here I am rooting for your Dad and aunt. They deserve happiness.
Why was she always angry? Do you actually know the full story with your mother? You’re 21 and the affair only came out last year, so she clearly has been around most of your life but you are simultaneously claiming she was barely part of your life. How?
In any case, it’s weird, but if it makes them happy, fine. I would be worried about your mother possibly returning to cause drama, and if I were your aunt that would probably be enough for me to back away. Even though your mother cheated on your father that doesn’t relate to your aunt as her sister and she might consider it a betrayal.
I won’t lie, there will be weird moments. My mother left my father for his twin brother. So my stepfather was also my uncle, and my stepbrother’s and sisters my cousins.
Actually it’s not weird. She probably valued him as a person and cares deeply for you. He is also comfort with her and happy that she is close to you. Hence it’s normal that both of them are comfortable with each other and considering pursuing an emotional relationship. Just let them know that you might need sometime to get used to them displaying their affection. He is still your dad and she is still your aunt. Nothing changes for you.