M33 married to my wife F37 for 5 years now and dated for 2 years before. Our relationship has been a turbulent ride starting with no one agreeing for our marriage from the start as she is older by 4 years. We have never had the time to properly explore our relationship sexually as we had one or the other issue coming up one after the other like Family, financial, moving to a different country, starting over, kid born in peak of pandemic with no one to help us, jobs etc etc.
We might be finally in a place in our lives now where we could peacefully enjoy each other’s company without any baggage attached, but i find it very difficult to be attracted to her now as she has gained a lot of weight and doesn’t put in much effort in losing it. She expects phenomenal results in a month with minimal efforts and when it doesn’t work just goes back to regular eating habits and no workout. I have many times hinted to her about it. She even gets mad that i don’t initiate sex a lot.
It is her body and she has the final say in how she wants to keep it but isn’t it also my decision if i want to continue to have sex in that case? I live in Australia and i go outside and literally everyone is fit af. I get really confusing thoughts in my head then and the helplessness eventually turns into frustration and anger with our relationship.
I do more than half of house chores. I take the kid for the first half of the day completely by myself. I have even asked her a few times if she would like me to be any different physically eg. More muscly, trimmed etc but she never gives me a straight answer to that and instead says that i am merely hinting her to be more fit.
I am out of ideas and cant help but wonder if i am the asshole here? If i am could someone talk some sense into me?
3 comments
Weight gain can be caused by spiked cortisol levels due to poor mental health. Are you checking in with her and supporting her? Exercise *with* her instead of just telling her to lose weight
Where were you living that “no one agreed for your marriage to start because she is 4 years older?” I’m curious where a 28 year old man marrying a 32 year old woman is considered inappropriate.
Pregnancy and the pandemic changed the physical appearance of many people. Stress, lack of sleep, hormone imbalances, depression, can all make it harder to lose weight even if your exercising and eating right.
Yes, it’s your wife’s decision about how she wants to eat and exercise and yes, it’s your decision if you want to have sex with her or not. However, I would strongly encourage you not to approach this conversation from the angle of your sexual satisfaction. Instead, express kind concern for health. Start making lifestyle changes as a *family* to do more active things together and with your child, eat more vegetables, buy less sugary foods, etc.
Why not encourage her to be more active by doing things together?
Walking with the kids… Swimming etc?
Then you change lifestyle over time
You definitely need an honest convo with her about it. It’s not an easy one to have (know from experience) but go with some realistic suggestions and offers to get involved