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3 comments
Do you have any streets with strange names in your city?
This afternoon I’m going on a walking tour of the historical centre here,with a specialist guide who will explain what the street names mean and where they come from.
We have some very ancient street names here in Palermo (its an old city) and also some bizarre ones!
Another coal mine “accident” in Turkey.
You know those situations where you want to say a lot, but saying stuff doesn’t bring anything, yet you can’t keep it in either? It’s so frustrating.
I have planned a lot of “reverse gardening” today. Deconstruct the bean stalks and tomato roofs, empty pots with wilted plants… Another season is over. This year it is a bit different because I am pretty sure that I won’t be living here next year anymore.
Been pondering a lot this year what it is to be an immigrant, or rather the warped sense of identity that comes with it…
I think growing up moving around a lot (both around the US and to a lesser extent Europe), I somewhat accepted this kind of nomadic lifestyle and never took too much time to look deeply at my sense of identity and belonging.
I’ve now lived here in Amsterdam far longer than any other one specific place, in my life. With each passing year that goes by, the ratio of my life spent in Europe vs. the US continues to be further distorted.
On one hand, I can never forget my roots, for better or for worse America will always be a part of me forever imprinted into my DNA (I mean this more figuratively than scientifically). On the other hand, the culture continues to evolve whether I’m there or not, and it’s kind of bittersweet to realize I’m not actively or directly participating in that cultural evolution, as if somehow it’s a bit less mine… Not to mention the jarring immigrant trope of having the most miniscule things, such as the song and dance of settling a restaurant bill by card (in the US) – making me feel instantaneously and inexplicably a stranger in my own land…
That all being said, I’m grateful for the opportunity to live where I do, I feel relatively integrated into broader Dutch society and very integrated into the local Amsterdam millieu and broader EU society (hell, I’m an EU permanent resident). So in many ways I feel *at least* as European as I do American – I’ve lived in four European countries and speak five European languages, so I mean…
Still, I often find myself juggling this perpetually shape-shifting sense of belonging, and question am I just a lifelong nomad never meant to be tied down to any one place too long? Or is it time to try and lay down some more fixed roots? Do I ever see myself returning home, and if so what is home? Because for me it’s no longer one single place, it’s a feeling, an idea – sometimes fleeting, often unclear, never constant…
Alas, this is the life of an immigrant – we left our lands of search of something, but what was it? Did we find it? If not, will we ever find it?
Excuse these Saturday morning musings and ramblings fueled by Amsterdam coffee…
Hope everyone is having a most excellent weekend!