A bit of background: Girlfriend and I have been together for a bit over two years. I’m a university student and I work part-time. She is a university student (looking for a job). Due to our cultures, we both live with our families still, and won’t move in till marriage. I have a car, and her sister gives her free credit on her Uber account, so she doesn’t need to pay anything when she uses it.
So, yesterday we went out to a (paid) cafe event with our group of friends. She mostly dislikes these events, but sometimes feels like going, just like today. For me, I love to go to these types of events, but I never have the time, nor does our group of friends enjoy going there much. Usually we stay out late, however yesterday, her mother called, she was angry with something, and demanded my girlfriend comes back home a few hours earlier (she often does that).
During that time, we were sitting around with our friends and some new people enjoying some games. Now 99% of the time, unless it’s something out of our control, I drove her from and back to her home wherever we go. Sometimes I wanted to stay but I always stepped up when she had to leave and took her home, then went back home because they’re far apart. However, this time my girlfriend told me that she will leave with Uber and I can stay. I automatically assumed that she would leave with Uber this time, since she knew I enjoyed these events and I didn’t have time to go to them a lot.
She ordered an Uber, and she appeared upset later after that. I asked her what’s wrong many times, and texted her in case she didn’t want to talk in front of people, she said nothing was wrong. I assumed it’s because her mom was really angry, so I kept asking if her mom upset her or anything, and she told me to stop talking about it. I was afraid I was beginning to annoy her about it, and her mom really upset her, so I stopped.
She texted me while I was still there, saying that she’s beyond pissed and wants me to go home so we can talk about it. I was genuinely confused and had no idea what was wrong. I asked what’s wrong, and then she said she’s not gonna spoon-feed me everything and that these are basic men things to know and to ask the guys around me why she’s mad. Obviously, I didn’t appreciate how she was talking, and didn’t even know what did I do wrong, but I remained calm.
I got home and called her for like an 30 minutes before she answered. Then she said that I should’ve walked her down to the Uber (I admit I should’ve, at the very least, despite it was very safe and crowded), she continued saying that men don’t let their girls go with Uber, and it’s their responsibility to take care of them and drive them back to their house. She also said that this time she had to pay for the Uber, and she started getting heated and said any other boyfriend would’ve done better than me and she’s sick of telling me how to act, etc. She blamed me for being catcalled and for crying in the Uber over me, and how the driver gave her tissues and took more care of her than me. The event place was a square full of people and cafes and the city is very alive at night. Not unsafe at all; so I was not that worried about her commute.
So, I was taken aback, because I honestly thought she was okay with her taking Uber because she was in a hurry to leave, and she wanted me to enjoy the rest. She claimed she was being courteous by saying that, and I should’ve stepped up. I apologized to her and took the full blame. She kept going and started talking about how she told her mom directly when she got home that she would never marry a man like me (over this) and that she’s thinking of breaking up, because a real man doesn’t let his girlfriend go like that.
I told her to remain respectful as we’re trying to solve it, not to fight. And that it’s the first time in two years it happened, and it’s very unfair to say that. Also, last year I used to take back to her house from her university, which took me exceeding of 1:30 hour to get back home, 4 days a week. She said that it’s my responsibility to do that as a man, and that if I’m too busy, I’m supposed to pay for it.
I got pissed and told her that I’m not her driver. I do it out of love, not because I have to do it. I also told her that she should appreciate my gestures and not take them for granted. Now we are fighting and I don’t know my next step. Any advice is welcome.
26 comments
Honestly, time to break up with her, it’s not your fault. She ordered an Uber she should pay for it. She’s gaslighting you, thank god she showed her true colors now.
You aren’t a mind reader, tell her go find herself psychic if she wants to be with a mind reader so badly.
Your girlfriend sounds pretty extra.
The next step is to step away from this relationship. She will continue to disrespect you and take you for granted. This is indeed her true colors.
There are countless people out there who will appreciate you and respect. Leave this sour person for the other lemon heads.
She’s toxic man, get out while you can.
Ah yes, I remember playing those games in my youth. Fortunately through experience and maturity I’ve learned that it’s better for all involved to simply clearly communicate. Hopefully your GF learns that lesson sooner rather than later.
She was testing you by saying she would take an Uber instead of asking you to take her home. Wrong on so many levels. Especially seeing how much you’ve always done for her, and her knowing you were enjoying yourself. Seems as though she didn’t want you to enjoy yourself if she wasn’t there so she picked a fight. Idk. She seems like a lot and the way she was talking to you is just wrong. If she wouldn’t marry someone like you just for that then her lose. I wouldn’t beg her to forgive you cause I don’t think you did anything wrong, but she sure is making you think that you did.
You are being shit tested. She creates some drama to see how you react. She created a situation, and since you failed the initial test and didn’t appear to her to be too worried about it, she is now giving you a ration of shit about the entire event. Tell her to come back and talk when she’s grown up a bit. Then stick to your guns. Be ready, she isn’t going to like being told this one bit. She either come around after a few days, or it will be time to move on. Stop chasing after her, she will perceive it as weak on your part.
There will come a time when you stop entertaining people who interact with you like this. Who knows? That day could be today.
Wow she sure expects a lot. I am assuming this is the culture in your country? I think it would have been nice to wait with her for the uber to get there, and see her off. Other than that everything else is over the top. I won’t comment further because I believe this is a culture difference that I can’t make sense of.
I don’t want to jump on break up first
U need to stop talking for a few days and then talk when things have calme down
The break will also give you time to decide if its worth staying or not.
In the meantime stop driving her around as she is so entitled too much.
Sounds like she just wants a bodyguard but with extra steps, anyway you should consider your options.
After 2 years, the real her is starting to emerge. Pay attention!!
Next step is tell her that her actions are disrespectful of you and your efforts into this relationship, and as such you are leaving it.
Then block her on everything.
And tell all your mutual friends that you broke up due to her anger and disrespectful behaviour.
Yeah ur gf is selfish, sexist and entitled as heck, that’s coming from me a woman. What does she think men are, mind readers & chauffeurs, she’s a grown a** woman. I say dump her a** cuz bruh a real woman doesn’t test her boyfriend like that. It’s fine if she never wants to marry a man like ‘you’ just tell her you’d never marry an ungrateful entitled woman like her.
Oh god. The mind games and shifting goal posts.
If you had walked her down to the uber, she would be angry you didn’t get in.
If you had gotten in she would have been angry you didn’t stop for McDs
If you had stopped for McDs she would have been angry you didn’t XYZ1234 blah blah blah
She wants to be mad *at you* to control and manipulate you.
It doesn’t matter what you do or how you try and assuage her anger *it will never be enough*
Leave now. Before sinking more time and money into her.
Mate, you deserve better than someone who plays games and treats you like this. End it. You’re both young, there’ll be other people. You can do so much better.
No, she’s definitely in the wrong. Although I am taking a back but you didn’t at least walk her to the Uber. Other than that though, he didn’t really have any way of knowing.
She has incredibly toxic views on gender roles. Leave her.
Any adult should take care of their own business, that includes grabbing an uber. If they can’t do basic adult stuff then they should focus on figuring that out instead of blaming others.
Just wanted to point out: gfs mom gets mad at gf and demands things -> gf gets mad at you and demands things. Sounds like your gf still has some growing up to do and it’s best if you aren’t the person in charge of that.
Don’t waste your time with women like this
She’s a grown woman, if she wanted you to walk her to the Uber, she can ask. If she wants you to drive her home, she can ask. I’m a woman, and this is some horse excrement. Tell her you’re not going to play childish games.
Some people go with trad-masculinity. Some don’t.
That’s not where the issue is.
Her doublespeak, saying one thing, as if testing you …. man, that’s poison.
If you want to salvage this relationship, you have to make it clear that’s no good.
Apologize for not making sure she got on the Uber safely, but that ‘test’ was no good.
You’ve only been together 2 years.
You’re no psychic, and she’s acting psycho.
These are cultural issues, so I can not tell you what is reasonable in her eyes. You know though, it is your culture. If she is right it was selfish, why?… Also the closer you get to a wedding often people who have doubts will see them surface more. Most people used to call it cold feet. Mostly it passes, but people are not so organized to marry in our current culture until they are sure, so I would discuss these issues of the relationship with her.
I know many GIRLS play this dumb game but how tf do they have time and energy for it.
I am a woman, 27 btw…
And I know for sure it took OP energyyyy to write out this post.
Dude just don’t. Just let it go.
Never let any women shame you with that “real man” bullshit. They are toxic sexists with an ugly personality.
She’s got a pretty strong idea of what a man should be doing, and what a mans job is.
Tell me, is she stepping up as a woman?
Are you home every evening to a nice home cooked meal?
She taking care of the kids?
Laundry done?
She’s a bellend dude. Get out of there.