My boyfriend lost interest in eating me out after trying it once.

49 comments

1. You should do it after a shower, so you know it’s super clean and wonderful and he knows there’s no chance of toilet paper or whatever. He can get used to it like that and then once he associates the smell and taste with the pleasures of sex, over time, he will come to like them. It is an acquired taste.

2. I hate reading stuff like this. All it takes is one inconsiderate asshole and the woman has this insecurity for the rest of her life. Guys, please show some effing tact and at least a minimal regard for our feelings before blurting out whatever judgemental shit you think is acceptable to say.

3. Sounds like he encountered some unpleasant tastes, smells, or even textures. Ask him so you can address any problems he noticed. He may avoid providing an honest answer, so press him on it tactfully.

4. I’m a man. I’m married. I love eating my wife out BUT only if she enjoys it, and acts aroused while I’m down there. From what I’ve read he’s tried twice to go down on you, both times you got embarrassed and didn’t seem all that into it. Why would he try again? The only good part about going down on someone is too give them pleasure and see them enjoying the pleasure you give. Both experiences seem the opposite of that. If you want it again you’re going to have to take the initiative and if it happens and you’re enjoying it you need to be vocal about. He’ll put up with the tastes and smells so long as you’re moaning loudly and pulling his hair. Also don’t be embarrassed about how you taste or smell (so long as you’re properly washing and being hygienic), it’s not like dicks don’t have their own weird tastes and smells. Just relax and have fun.

5. To be honest, he shouldn’t be getting toilet paper in his mouth IMO. Your ass should be cleaned so there isn’t shit residue, not just wiped with dry paper.

   I agree the taste of shit probably does take some getting used to.

   Sorry for the tough love but people need some introspection sometimes.

6. [deleted]

7. I’m so sorry your boyfriend damaged your self-esteem. I imagine sucking his dick isn’t a dream come true dessert from heaven, but I’d bet the first time you went down on him you didn’t go “well that’ll take some getting used to” in a disparaging tone. I really don’t know what men expect when they go to eat out a woman. Flowers? Roses? Chocolate fondue? The amount of times I hear comments about the “taste” is ridiculous. As far as toilet paper goes… I just… can’t roll my eyes hard enough. It’s paper. But fine, sure, that icked him out. He’s allowed to be turned off by whatever, but he at least should be aware of what a double standard is happening if he’s letting you suck his dick but not returning the favour.

   Here are my two suggestions. There’s the one for if he’s a reasonable human, and one for if he’s…not.

   1) Sit him down. Tell him something like “I want us to have a discussion about oral. You used to be really enthusiastic about eating me out and that was something I loved. I understand it wasn’t what you expected, but your comments really damaged my self esteem. I’m perfectly healthy and my taste is normal. Likewise, I know the toilet paper incident grossed you out, but I was perfectly clean from my shower at the time–though I will still make concerted efforts to ensure it doesn’t happen again. The fact that you are okay with me giving you blowjobs while you don’t reciprocate is upsetting to me. You’re not always fresh out of the shower but I give them to you because I know you like them–not because I do. For me, fairness is very important and I’d either like you to give oral another shot with me or else we take it off the table completely for both of us.”

   2) Just stop giving him blowjobs. When he asks why, tell him that you don’t feel it’s fair to constantly give but not receive. When he complains about your taste/toilet paper/whatever, tell him that you give him blowjobs even when he’s not fresh out of the shower and you don’t complain because you know it means a lot to him.

   His reaction to either of these two methods will tell you a lot about him. A mature conversation is always the best way to go, but sometimes people don’t get it unless there are natural consequences. It also wouldn’t be petty of you to withhold blowjobs–it would be fair. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re being petty for deciding to advocate for yourself by making things more equal. I hope he’s satisfying you sexually in other ways. If he’s not, this likely needs to be a more robust conversation about sexual fairness and what a partnership is all about.

8. If you are doing something that personal or intimate, make sure you are squeeky clean, after a bath or shower. It would bother me if someone male or female wasn’t clean. I wouldn’t do it.

9. Why is it such a issue that he doesnt want to go down on you? Maybe he just doesnt like going down on you or anyone? That’s not a bad thing, there is other things you can do together. I wouldn’t let you be insurcure or whatever because it may just not be his thing.

   If you guys do go and do it again, have a shower before hand.

   If this was a guy saying that his girlfriend wasn’t going down on him, gosh he’d be eaten alive.

10. Not everyone enjoys doing it. Some people just like the idea of it, not the actual reality.

11. My bf is very fussy. Only gave oral once before me. Now my man is overly enthusiastic. Given his once experience was bad I make every effort to be clean down there, as such I tend to use feminine wipes if I know oral may happen. You know when you used the restroom and for what so just make appropriate decisions as to what is best sexually. Just talk to your bf about it and see if he is up for trying again, maybe even suggest after a shower to make it more appealing. Don’t take it to heart.

12. I think you guys need to talk about it. It is very intimate and there are bound to be embarassing moments. There have been plenty of times my bf has and other times were he has tried and openly said to me thats its just not working for him that day and we tried something else instead. This also goes both ways and there have been plenty of times he requested oral straight after work without a shower. Sometimes its fine and other times i had to nicely explaon that his sweaty ball sack could not be near my face. We never take it personally and both understand that the human body is never going to be perfect all the time. You have to be matyre enough with each other and openly talk about it without any judgements.

13. Worst part about eating pussy to me is that lil bit of flesh that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth, always cutting that lil bastard up with my teeth. Secondly it’s fine if he doesn’t wanna eat you out it’s his choice but it’s not your fault. Some dudes arnt ok with giving even if it’s not the best taste or smell or whatever. It’s about giving.

14. I’m a woman and I have a girlfriend. I had similar things happen like this that happened with my gf. She had toilet paper down there and it was nasty. It took me weeks to try to go down her again. When I did she smelled, I couldn’t do it.

    It just might take him time to try again. My gf took a shower, made sure everything was clean and it went well. Take a bath or shower, make sure everyone is clean and try again.

15. Sounds like he may have gotten caught up in the hype of what eating out entails. It’s not something that we start out knowing how to do or what to expect. Has he done this before you? Y’all are both young. Things like this take time, communication , patience, communication , understanding…did i mention communication? He was a bit of a dick with the immediate reaction and what he said. After us as men reach a certain maturity, we learn how to tactfully react to things. Hopefully you guys can talk it out and get this part back on track. When done correctly, you will get as much pleasure out of it as he will giving it to you.
    Or not…he could be one of those assholes who don’t like eating out. I can’t believe guys like this actually exist, but whatever. Also…stop sucking dick until you get some in return.

16. As a male who regularly enjoys going down on his wife, I can say that there’s nothing wrong with you or your situation down there. Ideally, everyone would be freshly shaved, showered, waxed, etc before engaging in any sexual activity. But we live in the real world and things happen. I’m sorry that he handled those situations poorly and could have used a little more tact when discussing them with you, especially since it seems like this is a new experience for both of you. You guys are young. There are so many tools and fun things you could try to make him feel more comfortable while also raising your self esteem, like a dental dam(very basic, but…), that could help him get used to the feeling while avoiding taste and texture.

    Also, you guys need to have a serious conversation about what you do and don’t like in the bedroom. If he’s not down with going down on you, he should say that. Likewise, you said you’ll go down on him in less than clean states. If you’re not down with that, don’t do it. And both of those boundaries are okay. Sex is best when partners communicate. If neither one of you speaks up, just shuts down when there’s a hiccup, it will never get better.

17. Oh my freaking God. He withered away because of a piece of damn paper??? Arrrrggghhhh. These answers are so dumb. Ya. Squeaky clean is ok. Clean is definitely good. Tearing the clothes off mad about each other is the damn goal. Not this sterile weird perfectly clean no bodily fluids or anything desert. Girl…get a new fun and open boyfriend.

18. Can I ask what kind of soap you use down there? Sometimes what we use can make it worse than better. Could have been the taste, even freshly showered wasn’t his cup of tea. As for the toilet paper, always try to freshen up beforehand. I know in the heat of the moment it’s not always convenient but it’s a nice courtesy.

19. I love eating my wife out. She’s very clean but, even so, there have been times there’s been a tiny bit of toilet paper there. Personally that’s no problem for me. If I was someone’s partner, I would go out of my way to not embarrass or shame them. And, if something is important to my partner, shouldn’t we work together to make that happen?

20. I mean it’s definitely an acquired taste. Either way, I don’t love the way he reacted. Part of sex is about empowering the other person, and it sounds like he’d trash at that. If you’re going down on him, he should be reciprocating. Also, I highly recommend showering before partaking in that type of oral (it helps me feel more confident).
    Edit to add recommendation: I’d talk to him openly about it. Say you’d like to try it again, maybe after y’all take a shower together!

21. jfc I can’t with these comments. men that sleep with women act all macho when they comb through the entrails of deer they just shot, but they can’t handle a vagina? your partner should empower you, not disparage you. he absolutely could have handled the situation differently and he chose not to. that’s totally on him, regardless of whether you showered or not beforehand.

22. I mean… TP happens? I guess it really grosses some people out but… meh. If it’s a tiny piece, remove it and move on is my motto. But we all have our own preferences and sh!t we’re weirded out by.

    However, that said, as weird as this may sound, I use cloth “pee rags” usually when I pee, especially if I think I’m gonna have someone down there that day. Some people find them in and of themselves gross, but they keep that whole area TP-free in my experience.

23. >hmm… that would take some getting used to (the flavor).”

    And you didn’t stop dating him after he said this?

24. Ok, I’m a bisexual woman who has eaten out many women. I’m going to help you out.

    First off, don’t listen to most people on this thread telling you it’s a lose cause or that you should work on your hygiene. They don’t know what the issue is because you don’t. You haven’t talked to your boyfriend. Most compatibility issues can be solved with communication.

    Onetime a dude shit in my hand when I was trying to fit a butt plug up his ass and I STILL pegged him again the following week when he asked. I also once had a girl cry every time I went down on her, and it really freaked me out.

    As it turns out, one was dealing with inappropriate anal prep and the other with some queer trauma. In both situations we just adjusted routines and communicated.

    My point is that sex is kind of gross when you start experimenting and it can be hard to explain wants and needs. If you’re feeling insecure, that’s not ok. You should communicate that to your partner, and if he’s a sexual partner worth having he should be able to communicate his issues right back. I know it’s scary, but Reddit can’t find a solution to problem we don’t know. I’ve seen a lot of speculation on this thread about what’s wrong with you- ignore it all.

    I’ve eaten out many women and have had to have hard conversations. I’ve never failed at finding a solution to where we both eventually enjoyed giving and receiving oral.

    You should never pressure anyone into doing something sexual they’re not into, but it sounds like he is curious. It also sounds like this is bothering you, and you DO deserve answers. No one should feel insecure with their partner in bed.

25. Always have a shower first before he goes down. It’s better when fresh

26. some of these comments… y’all don’t like flavor or something lol… sweetheart there is NOTHING wrong with you. People have there preferences, like girls don’t like going down on men because their cum tastes weird, the texture can be weird. Overall everyone has there preferences. I would ask him to be SPECIFIC about what he didn’t like about it. There are so many factors that play into this,

    Maybe he didn’t like how it tasted, maybe you were TOO clean and it was flavorless or tasted like soap (my man prefers if I’m not super super clean)

    maybe the texture was off putting, but this could be adjusted on his end with whatever technique he did, (some men like to rub their whole face in it) (some like to just gently lick)

    I’m assuming you were completely shaved which also does not matter as some people prefer to go down in a whole bush, maybe the stubble was off putting or it was too smooth.

    Sorry to be graphic but my point is, YALL NEED TO COMMUNICATE. Communication is key when it comes to having fun enjoyable sex, it might be weird but it will help y’all get into a flow of things.

    There is nothing wrong with you tho please do not let this one experience make you think you are gross. I promise you are perfect. A lot of people love going down on women, a lot of people prefer the opposite of a perfectly squally clean hairless vag. So always remember that.

    I feel like he had too many expectations before he started, ask him what made him so enthusiastic to try it and what the difference was when he actually did it.
    I wish you luck and I hope you can find self love, just know there are plenty of people in the world who would eat that shit right up and don’t let some dude convince you otherwise

27. If he was enthusiastic and then lost interest..its because you either have an odor or a taste he isnt liking. And the toilet paper thing…yeah would throw me off too….doesnt hurt to check yourself before fun time…Maybe ask him point blank too, do i have an odor? Do i taste funny?

    If my girl has even a slight odor, i tell her to go take a shower. If it lasts more than a couple days. I tell her to schedule a gyno appointment, she has an infection. Nothing to be embarrassed about. You can have sex, and forget to pee after…and can get an infection. Have sex and use spit, can get an infection. Hell my girl uses the wrong soap, it throws her PH off enough to cause issues. Vaginas can be touchy, and a good significant other will help you maintain a healthy vagina.

    Never be ashamed of maintaining a healthy vagina.

28. Sounds like a coward lol just immature about eating 🐱in general.

29. Early in my relationship/marriage my man went down on me and get a little piece of toilet paper in his mouth. I laughed my ass off and he was grossed out but that made me laugh harder. I also sucked his dick once and he kind of stunk down there, grosses me out but whatever. Now we just make sure we are both showered and haven’t gone to the bathroom before going down on each other.

30. His loss. It’s my single most favorite thing about sex. I make it my playground. I bring warm wash cloths, carefully appreciating every shape of flesh and fold of skin.

    If doing so happened to make her uncomfortable I’d just make it a habit to shower together and make love afterwards. Always fun to rinse off again after amazing sex.

    Besides if I stick my *ick in it and expect her to chow down, I’d better be ready to do it first.

    Bottom line? Find a man who loves it as much as I do and move on. There’s literally nothing wrong with you except you’re going out with a guy who hasn’t matured yet. Stop being the adult for him and go with a man who already knows what a damn privilege it is to even SEE that part of you, much less kiss it. 🥰

    I hate to see wonderful women rewarding idiots with sex and feeling bad if they get grumpy. STOP! Please… do it for you.

31. Before he goes down wipe your fingers over your vulva and have a discreet sniff. I have stopped many a session happening in my 38 years because I wasn’t happy with what was going on down there, as a bi woman I definitely think if I wasn’t happy to go down on someone smelling like me, I wouldn’t expect anyone else to. You don’t have to be embarrassed if you do smell, just say “not today babe”. We’re all human, and we can all work up a stink with what’s going on in our daily lives. If there’s any fishy odour then you likely have Bacterial Vaginosis which is more common than thrush. It’s easily treated with products from the pharmacy.

    There’s been times I haven’t gone down on someone because of the smell, it happens, I don’t think they’re disgusting. Just whip a flannel out and crack back on 😂

32. I say stuff like this happens all the time. Talk to your partner and communicate your feelings. Don’t force anyone to do something they don’t want and don’t feel insecure because it’s normal. Nothing is just perfect all the time. I would talk to him and say like hey if I shower can we do that right after we make out or before? Like try atleast to keep that door open. Just don’t force the issue..try to compromise and work through it. Small steps to climb first before pacing and then going full speed.

33. A magic wand is just as good as oral, so if he doesn’t want to give oral use sex toys.

34. Different people have a different chemical makeup. You might not be chemically compatible. No matter how clean or thought out you two make it, it might just not be.
    But with a chemically compatible person it’s the opposite. This is my personal experience.

35. My boyfriend goes down on me almost every time we have sex. sometimes its me who has to ask him to not go down on me bec I don’t feel clean. and yes, sometimes there is a lil piece of toilet paper stuck there. that man eats it up and pretends nothing happened. he talks to me later ab it and laughs and tells me its completely fine. the way your partner reacted is v humiliating ofcourse.
    my suggestion: if u feel too uncomfortable to talk to your partner ab it, just wipe your kitty with baby wipes before u have sex. but jsyk, your partner should LOVE to go down on you. best of luck.

36. Dump that man I know how to do it with simple ease 🤣 all seriousness though train him into it sometimes it takes more than one try to get into something(that rule goes for anything)

37. I didn’t even read the post, because any guy who isn’t willing to eat you out isn’t worth it. Dump him.

38. You’ve got a boyfriend with lame Hang ups. It’s not his fault. But you need a guy who doesn’t care about natural bodily stuff. I’ve even had women lose control and urinate and other things, doesn’t phase me at all. There’s nothing about your body, assuming you have good hygiene, that you should feel self-conscious about. You should be able to love each other orally and otherwise; at least that’s my opinion.

39. You have some fantastic advice here, OP. Just popping in to add, “dental dams”. They’ll add a barrier to eliminate the taste angle, but not so much as to hinder your pleasure.

40. Tbf eating out is expensive

41. Meanwhile, my boyfriend eats my pussy when im on my period , and other tmi things i wont mention

    Just get you a new man .

    Haha no but for real, decide how important getting head is to you. Just open up to him. Tell him you are craving sexual satisfaction. Ask him straight up if he’s willing to change his stance. For extra security you can shower together beforehand every time. See what he thinks. If he still doesnt want to, then consider how much you care bout this.

    If it was me, id break up vs never getting head again. nothing is hotter than a man who likes being nasty and doesnt care about stuff like that. My privates are healthy but it dont smell like flowers ya know. My man don’t care.

    If you dont care as much, then stay together and just respect that he doesnt want to. Or see if opening up to him convinces him to try again

42. As your boyfriend he should want to pleasure you, as a lesbian I have some awful pussy experiences under my belt but I still sought to please my partner! Communicate with him how you feel, stopping because you had some kitty litter sounds quite immature when he probably doesn’t wash his dick properly 😂
    He’s made you feel insecure about your body and that’s not fair, you should have a lengthy open discussion and decide whether or not you still want to be with him afterwards. His initial comment was very rude… I’m sure his bits don’t taste the best either!
    For me, despite not really enjoying it, a partner who wouldn’t go down on me would be a dealbreaker. Sex isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but you want to feel pleased and please your partner and feeling wanted sexually is a part of that. Is sex good? Does he make you orgasm? Are you sexually compatible otherwise? Are you happy?

43. He needs to man up , pick the bog roll out and crack on with the task at hand! Bet he loves a BJ though doesn’t he!

44. Ah, the annoying traces of “CLITTY LITTER.”

45. Instant deal breaker for me. You need to start thinking if it’s a deal breaker or not for u.

46. One of my favorite things to do in order to get prepped for oral is wash each other. May not be for everyone but I find the intimacy of worshipping every inch of each other’s bodies a great bit of foreplay. When he gets to cleaning that perticular area drop the hint that hes prepping his dessert. If he isn’t improving the way you feel about yourself he isn’t improving your life. Being in a relationship is supposed to make your lives better together not make you feel worse.

47. You’re too young to be dating a guy who gives you lifelong insecurity. I’m not saying he’s a bad guys but a part of the growing up process for lots of young men involved being stupid and hurting young women with their stupidity. This is not star-crossed love or marriage bound, you don’t need a reason to end it but you do have a reason which is this man is getting in the way of you figuring out and coming to terms with your sexuality and your desires.

48. Humor is an absolute must for good sex. Being able to laugh about it together makes it *so* much better and more fun. Funny and awkward things happen during sex. There’s no avoiding it because it’s part of the whole thing. It’s a reminder to be playful about it. As to the flavor, I think he’ll discover he has a taste for it. And he’s more likely to discover it if you’re both able to be in the moment and enjoy each other’s bodies and your own.

    We’re animals with bodies, and bodies do funny things sometimes. They don’t have to ruin the mood. I know it’s not easy, and that it’s a bit terrifying, but getting to a place where you’re both comfortable enough with your bodies that you can talk about things without it derailing things is the key to great and healthy sexual relationships. As a ridiculous but realistic example, we all fart, and few things make it more difficult to enjoy the moment than trying to hold in a fart.

    Knowing that you’re able to talk and laugh about it when something conventionally embarrassing happens removes a *ton* of pressure and anxiety. It’s play, not a performance. It’s more than worth the effort it takes to really learn that in a relationship. Laughter adds fun to just about anything and makes things easier to talk about them. Be silly and laugh at yourselves about it. Do that and a little piece of toilet paper won’t stand a change at ruining the mood.

49. Same advice for men. Make sure you’re clean and fresh. All vaginas have a smell/taste..but you need to make sure it’s something he isn’t suffering through. If it’s an inviting environment, it’s much easier to enjoy and get into.