Not sure if this is where I should ask this but the one thing me and my boyfriend consistently fight over is him (what feels like) sabotaging my sleep. He wakes me up 2-3 times a night. Mostly for sex but also other times asking me if I know where something is or to talk shit basically. I have the hardest time sleeping anyways and when I am woken up it takes me at least an hour to go back to sleep. I am one of those people that if I don’t get a full amount I feel almost hungover the next day. And I don’t drink so it’s like having a hangover without the fun attached to it. Also for the cherry on top EVERY morning he wakes up grumpy saying he’s tired of me rejecting him. Which turns into a fight, and ruins our days until I become the bigger person and sweep it under the rug. Which I hate doing because I’m big on communicating and solving issues but this one he won’t budge on. He refuses to see my side at all. And just so you know, during “normal hours” I never reject him. I’m the one who’s an animal and begs for it constantly. Seriously you guys we have sex like twice a day sometimes 3 times. But this middle of the night shit is unhealthy and I need to know why he’s doing this? It’s been a year since it started and hasn’t let up. I’ve yelled, I’ve cried, I’ve tried joking about it and I’ve had many sweet conversations letting him know it’s affecting my well-being and still he does it.
26 comments
He has ADD and his needs are always first because everything is urgent in his mind. You need to seek someone to help him. I doubt this is the only issue with him. Have a third party discuss this for you. You won’t get anywhere by yourself. Involving others is the way to go here.
If you have continually brought this up as an issue and he refuses to change then it is time to end the relationship. It’s been a year, what makes you think that he will suddenly, magically stop being an inconsiderate asshat?
You’re with someone who is basically subjecting you to torture. “Researchers have used animals for more extreme experiments, and the inevitable result is that prolonged sleep deprivation will eventually kill a creature. Various behavioral impairments accumulate along the way as the deprivation continues, but if the experiment is pushed far enough the final result is always a widespread physiological failure leading to death. The cumulative effects of sleep deprivation go beyond the loss of this or that specific function to a precipitous, ultimately fatal decline in all functions.”
If this continues, your boyfriend will destroy your health.
Being woken up 2-3 times a night for sex is a bit rediculous like, its also not ok to wake someone up that often at all- it’ll literally make you go crazy. I genuinely don’t think i could live with that.
Stop sweeping it under the rug.
Sleep deprivation is used as torture for good reason. Intentionally messing with a partners sleep is abusive behavior.
If he cannot respect your sleep then you need to make separate sleeping arrangements, including moving out if necessary. What he’s doing is not ok, he knows what he’s doing, and you need to take actions to protect your sleep and thereby your physical and mental health.
Idc for any of the advices on here, this is literally abuse and he’s actively denying you your biological needs and there’s no way around it. Cut your losses.
What advice are you asking for? How to make him stop?
You can’t. Leave.
Move out. He doesn’t care enough about you to be worth your time.
Oh your bf is torturing you so you’re less sound of mind. Isn’t that horrifying?
As others have said, you need to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. I stopped at him waking you up two or three times at night for sex because this is basically abuse. I hope you’re able to walk out of this and find better for yourself because you deserve it.
How is he still alive? I’d have smothered him to death if I were you.
I pressed charges on my neighbour cause she was sleep depriving me on purpose.
Will be a bitch to prove in court, but hey…
This is a control tactic.
My ex used to do this to me.
Find a new BF if he isn’t willing to discuss. Why do women put up with this shit? Kick him to the curb
He’s slowly working you down until you don’t have the energy to say no. GET OUT OF THERE NOW.
This is actually a well known type of [domestic abuse](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/sleep-deprivation-as-abuse). Pleas keep yourself safe and get away from this guy ASAP.
Sounds like a horrible situation. Intentional sleep deprivation is a form of emotional/psychological abuse and I am betting you have spoken to him on multiple occasions about this. If not, time to do so and be firm about it. If it continues I would rethink this relationship and if you really need to be with some one that deprives you of sleep with will take a big toll on your mental and physical health.
Sleep in a different room, or get your own place. Good sleep is way too important to waste it with a guy who has no respect for your boundaries, and no respect for you.
No. This is not ok. This is a form of abuse.
Dump him. This is abusive. He needs to respect your sleep.
This is super not okay; I’d leave if I were you. Something is really wrong here.
If you want to bandaid the situation, take ZzQuill. He can try and wake you up all he wants, take a LITTLE bit more than that little cup and you’ll be totally knocked out. If he tries to wake you up, and God forbid he does, you keep your eyes shut and don’t move. Play dead for the entire night.
If you do this consecutively, he will probably stop bothering you or it will escalate and you’ll know he is doing it on purpose, and THAT is when you leave!
Selfish personality. My ex used to do this, then get mad at me rejecting him when he was trying at 2 am and I’m fast asleep. It’s abusive and manipulative to get mad at you for this as well as really inconsiderate. He only sees his side because he is a jerk.
Why are you still with him???
He is being abusive to you….and there is no real love there.
Sex only last for so long and if you have nothing to laugh about or talk about..
You loose interests and fight a lot . Your at a abusive level in relationship. Its time to get out…
Heal and you will find a person that truly loves you..sex is just the icing.
I might let something like this slide once or twice (unless we have a kid or something because someone needs to get up you know?) but if girl woke me up just to have sex I’d be pissed. Unless there is a reason for you waking me up, say we were suppose to get up early for a trip or actually had plans or something then sure.
Bro sleep is hard sometimes. We tend to forget when we’re having a good run of it but the second it starts going bad it can be hell.
Your “boyfriend” is a selfish asshole who has 0 empathy