I’m in love with two women

3 comments

1. Ok this is going to seem like I’m just old and don’t understand, but you are not in love with anyone at that age. Believe me, you might think you love them and feel strongly that that’s what love is but every adult looks back at when they claimed they loved someone as a teenager and realized they just had a crush and puberty.

   You’re constantly changing as you develop into adulthood and you won’t recognize yourself in a couple years let alone your twenties. That’s why you can’t be in love with someone, you aren’t even sure who you are yet let alone the other person.

   My advice is to not stake all your happiness on one person like you said your girlfriend is the source of all of it. That’s not a healthy quality. Happiness comes from all of our support networks and joys and definitely partner, but never just the partner.

   As for what you should do: you seem to already be communicating inappropriately with someone that’s expressed a romantic interest in you while your girlfriend is in the dark about this. You’re talking intimately with another girl you know has feelings for you, and your girlfriend deserves better. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Either you’re distancing yourself from Cady now that you know she likes you and respecting your girlfriend or you tell your girlfriend you need to part ways. You absolutely **should not** ask for a break to try out being single. That’s called keeping someone as a backup and it sucks to have that done to you. You’d be treating her on par with how you **don’t** want Cady to be treated.

   You’re young, and relationships hurt as you figure things out. It’s a good idea to always question what your emotions are telling you you need. Often times it’s nothing more than just that, emotion. And you don’t have to act on every one. But be careful about what you’re doing to other people while trying to get what *you* want. Always out yourself in their shoes and truly ask yourself how you’d feel if you were them.

2. No advice, just wanted to wish you luck going forward. I’ve been on both sides of the fence–sometimes I’ve been dumped, and other times I initiated the break up. Neither situation is easy, especially when the other person is a really good partner and hasn’t done anything wrong, but they’re both valuable experiences that are part of life and growing up.

   Even though your gf’s feelings are most likely going to be hurt, you sound considerate and not just thinking about yourself in this situation, which I respect. And at least you are going about it the “right” way instead of cheating. Hopefully you’ll both be able to appreciate the quality time you had together, the memories made, and continue to find happiness and experience this crazy thing called life.

   I sound old. 🙃

3. Just a bit of life advice. You’re going to meet people in your life who turn your head. And at 16, it’s pretty normal to find other people interesting and want to date them. After all the stakes are very low at this time of your life. The key is learning to be honorable. If you want to pursue someone else, break up with the person you are dating. There’s never a pain free way to break up but it hurts less when you know you weren’t cheated on.

   You sound like something who wants to to the right thing; hang onto that. Just know that it’s not always easy. Good luck to you.