Hi everyone,
My (24m) girlfriend (24f) of a few years recently confessed that she feels extremely guilty and negative after sex. Although the sex in of itself was good, I did not realize that she has come to feel this negatively about it afterwards. It seems that it has gotten to the point that she has conditioned herself in an almost Pavlovian manner to feel negatively about the idea or prospect of sex, and it has gotten to the point that she looks for chances to not see each other so that the chances of sex happening becomes even lower. I’m guessing it is how she was raised? She wasn’t allowed to date until later on in life knew of many people whose lives were changed due to a premature pregnancy, and so I guess she was raised to have a negative mindset about it. However, besides that, our relationship is pretty good otherwise; similar interests, friend groups, hobbies, sports, goals in life, demeanors, everything else has been good so far.
I’m not sure how to handle this, but I want to continue having a relationship with this person and work with her through this mindset, if possible. Any advice would be appreciated!
1 comment
She is going to need some kind of therapy to get over this – the extent of her conditioning is VERY deep and you can only speculate as to the cause. You need to gently guide her to speak to a therapist to uncover the cause of this and to try to move past it.
I can completely understand that you want to continue having a relationship with this woman, but at the end of the day, a relationship needs to be about meeting the needs of BOTH parties, not just one of them and, at the moment, unless she moves past this, the relationship, long term, will only be about EITHER you OR her, and that is not healthy.