Dear community,
I met girl at firm’s party a year ago. We talked long and got well along. I found her funny and attractive. The evening passed and I forgot her afterwards. (Btw we don’t work closely.)
In last spring we ended up to go a bar in a same group due to a mutual friend. We mingled and chatted intensively the whole evening. I think that’s the moment I got enamored. Well, we shared a cab, both pretty drunk, and told her I like her. She was maybe suprised but took it well.
We stayed in touch over the spring. In June I asked her out and we went for a dinner. We got well along and things felt almost perfect. After the dinner I sent text to her that I’d like to continue dating her and I really like her. She responded she likes my company but likes to keep it as a friendship. That broke my soul and felt like ’89 Tyson’s upperhook. We agreed in good terms we want different things. I made a deal with myself I don’t think her and try leave her behind.
E: in plain English, we politely agreed ”thank you, good bye, take care” and made it clear we have way too different intrests to continue anything between us.
No contact for 1,5 months.
Then out of blue, in August she sent me WA and asked if I am coming to one big party which she suspected I was invited also. I was not able attend the event then, but (for some reason, against my contract with myself) I asked if she wanted to meet another time. She wanted and we had a dinner together. We laughed and talked serious stuff, had great time.
Now we have met three times during last 1,5 months and will go to do some sports together next week. We chat almost every other day in WA.
I’m really uncertain if she has the same feelings as I do. I really like her and I have feelings for here. But I’m afraid to tell her, if her response is the same as in June. She absolutely knows I like her in romantic way.
My confused thoughts and questions, dear panelists:
Is she looking for non-romantic male friend (from a guy who is almost in love with her)? Sounds stupid behaviour at least from male PoV. I bet she has real friends.
Should I still continue dating her ”like friends” or be transparent about my feelings (that she’s aware of, tho’)? I’m worried if I scare her away, I think this happened in June. I can keep dating her forever, but I dont want to find out rejection after months of dating and I lack the patience to understand her feelings.
Basically what I’m asking you is to read her mind and motivations.
4 comments
You told her after your first date you wanted to date her. She said she didn’t’ and was only looking for friendship. Unless she says otherwise, yall are friends.
your best bet is to take your shot now rather than later
sometimes people will reject you and go on to regret that later…some people change their mind in a few days, some few weeks, some years down the line if that’s when you reconnect
the longer you wait for her answer the more cemented you are as a friend
She told you she only wants to be friends. So you and her are friends. Nothing more.
If she develops feelings for you, and that’s a big if, she will let you know.
>Is she looking for non-romantic male friend (from a guy who is almost in love with her)?
Every friend is non-romantic. Unfortunately, you’re not a friend. You’re that guy waiting in the wings for her to become available. I think you should withdraw from her friend group and stop seeing her.