Me [23F] with my [23 M} crush are constantly arguing and engaging in toxic behaviors. How can we stop this?

hi. i really need some advice. so starting about early august i reconnected with this guy i had a crush on in middle school. at the time we were the best of friends and then he moved away and i was really sad. fast forward to august and we reconnected and started to talk more and more. my attachment started to grow and i developed a crush and so did he. we would talk about all aspects of our lives even dating until one day i was talking about hanging out with this guy and he got super jealous and didn’t really talk to me for a day. now it is important to know that i have bpd and behaviors like this trigger me. so i naturally apologized a lot but also tried to understand why he was upset. eventually he responded and apologized for his behavior and we both confessed we liked each other and he didn’t respond because he was so jealous.

our relationship continued and we talked and talked and eventually started to video call every night. it was going good until i felt that we were moving extremely fast. i felt by the 2nd week he already wanted to date me and i wanted to take a step back because we hadn’t even been on any real dates or anything yet. this really upset him and painted me as unstable and untrustworthy in his eyes and has honestly be a bit of a problem ever since. I had a really bad bpd episode because i thought he was going to leave me and i started apologizing again and stuff and blowing him up. eventually we talked it out and resolved it though. one of the biggest issues that i have noticed is that because of my bpd i sometimes have anger issues and i have low patience. for example, i have gotten irritated at him after i felt we talked a problem to death and i was ready to move on. he then feels that i am being mean and that we should talk more. to remedy this i suggested we take a break if one or the other needs it and we do. unfortunately this is a bit of a habit for him as if we get into a really bad argument he doesn’t let me point out the potentially toxic behavior instead he shuts down or yells back and says im doing the exact same thing to him. I hate when he just throws the same thing back in my face like if it was a problem shouldnt he have brought it to me? if i doesn’t do this he will just begin to insult himself saying he is the worst person ever and an abuser and such. then i feel the need to comfort him and drop the points i was trying to make.

he clearly feels bad for this behavior and i think he wants to change but i don’t think we should go on like this. for a while he would also bring up how i pulled back and that it made him not trust me now. he does have trust issues and we both made a pact to go to therapy but i don’t know how we can really resolve those issues until then and i feel like we are caught between a rock and a hard place. other than this he treats me incredibly well, he worships me and spoils me with gifts and it really means a lot to me. i want to try to work on this before abandoning ship really. PLEASE is there anyone out there with constructive advice.

Solutions so far:

For myself , i have decided i need a healthy anger outlet so i am considering an at home boxing bag but we have not come up with any solutions for him yet.\\

tl;dr I really like my crush but he is insecure about how I feel because I pulled back a few weeks ago because i felt we were moving too fast. He occasionally stonewalls me and I think this is an issue and I dont know how to get him to stop reiterating the past constantly. I really want to make it work though