The biggest problem with dating apps

Let me preface this by saying that this is my personal opinion, based on my experiences. Your milleage may vary as we are all different, live in different parts of the world etc. Also, sorry for the long post

I (38m) decided to start dating again after a long term relationship I had ended. I was never a “player” and being so many years out of the game didn’t help either. Now that I think of it, all the relationships I had started on the first date, so I have no real dating experience. Furthermore, because life happens, I am left with only 3 close friends in the town I live, one of which is not going out much and when he does he is only going to this one pub. I also live in a town outside London, where the majority of people my age are already married, so this doesn’t help either.

I decided to make profiles on Tinder, Inner Circle, Bumble, Hinge, Badoo, Happn and eHarmony. Each app has their own strengths and weaknesses, some where a waste of time, and their algorithm works in a way that it tries to make you pay. This is already analysed and I am not going to delve into that here.

You scroll through thousands of profiles, you get the occasional like, that occasional like becomes a rare match, then it becomes an even rarer chat, because it is a cardinal sin not to use a witty opener and then that chat MAY lead to a date eventually.

On the date you hope that the person that you’ll be meeting at least looks like their pictures. At the end of the day, you chose recent pictures for your profile, you asked your friends to take pictures of you so that you don’t have only selfies, something that conveys the reality of how you are in real life. You expect the same from the people you’re talking to, right?

Then you get pleasantly surprised, she does look like her pictures or even better still. You can’t believe how lucky you are but you can’t let it show too much or at all, you don’t need to come as desperate or too available. You start talking and getting to know each other, you think that the vibe is there. You have similar core values, you have the same sense of humour, you make her laugh, you want the same things in life. You might get to kiss her on the night.

You text saying you had a great time, she says the same. And then nothing happens. Once the talk of a 2nd date comes around you are left on read.

And here is where the problem comes. You might make another attempt on a conversation but usually you take the L and give the app another go but now every profile seems mundane. Nobody is like her, nobody catches your eye the way she did for weeks. No profile bio is as interesting. You get fewer likes as well. Then, after weeks of endless scrolling, you will get a notification that says that you matched with someone you liked and the cycle continues, until you are back at square one, time to take another L.

I know what you’ll say “dude, go meet people in a bar or sth”. It doesn’t work like that where I live for people my age. Women my age that are out are usually on girls night out, their husband being out with his mates or at home. Trust me, I tried.

Today I have another first date, only the 3rd since May. I just hope I have a good time, have a laugh, get to know a new person, what they like, what they want, how they spend their day, what they are after, but I know the chances of anything more are slim to none. I’m going to be the best version of myself and put a real effort in. At the end of the day she is spending some of her time with me as well and I respect that. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least she can go home and say “at least I had fun tonight”. After that, I’m quitting dating apps for a few months. Winter is approaching, I can focus on other things for a while, hopefully find a hobby that will keep me distracted during Christmass, a time of the year I always hated, and look at dating again in 2023, hopefully in better shape physically and mentally, with my batteries re-charged.

I just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading