I am black and my boyfriend is white. We had some arguments about weird race related things. For example, today i told him i really liked the name Colin (as a name for a child if i ever have any) and he said that’s such a posh,white boy name. And i was like black guys can be named Colin too… and then it got out of control with him saying i never respect his opinions etc and i always get upset.
He explained that certain names were associated to certain types of people (like a culture thing) and that he never said black guys couldn’t be named Colin but it would just be unusual.
A while ago it happened when i said i liked the name Lloyd and same thing happened.
I can’t help but feel uneasy
I don’t really know what to do..
10 comments
This is a really weird thing to get upset about. I suppose Lloyd and Colin might be slightly unusual for black people but if you like it who cares? Considering he’s this upset about it I’m gonna go with at least a little racist.
Sounds like he might be one of those white hating progressive type. Be on the look out, he might be using you as a way to prove that he is woke and he is one of the good whites
I’m sorry 😞
Unless he’s unpacked and continues to work against the centuries of white supremacy and toxic masculinity that’s been thrust on him, you’ll likely feel this way a lot.
It does sound like he has issues (can’t accept when you make a valid point and instead blames his ignorance on you – you never respect … ). And then there’s the rigid cultural line response with only certain races can have certain names? Red flag 🚩 – not entirely sure if he is actually racist, but that is a massive red flag that a) this guy is willing to perpetuate and live with prejudice, and he is not willing to listen and learn his way out of it.
if anything i would think Lloyd is more common as a black name but either way he’s weird
It doesn’t sound like he’s racist, he just associates certain names with different races and different classes.
If you’re sister had a baby boy and called him Billy-Bob or Jethro-Cletus wouldn’t you find that odd?
What about if your BF sister had a baby girl and named her Leshaniqua wouldn’t you find it weird?
I don’t think he’s racist based off of what he said here. He’s stereotyping names which is not cool but not racist. The issue I see is when you two argue he twists it into you “don’t respect his opinion” and you “always get upset”. This is not healthy communication or how two people with mutual respect work out disagreements. If he’s getting this heated over hypothetical baby names imagine how he will react when it’s an actual disagreement.
Hate to burst your bubble but that’s not racism
I don’t think its racist, especially if he’s being jokey about it. there don’t seem to be a ton of black dudes named “Connor”, for example, and I think that’s kind of funny.
as a matter of fact, I created a joke band years ago called “Blacks Named Ben”. the idea was alliteration, of course, but also a name that was uncommon for black men. and I have to say, “Ben” was a mild choice– there probably are fewer black men named “Colin” or “Lloyd” where I’m from, lol.
hell, even “Lloyd Banks”, literally the only back man I can think of bearing the name, isn’t _really_ called that. (“Lloyd” is his surname.)
anyhow… i didnt hear the argument, but offhand, im not offended. now, if he says things like “______ people cannot be named _____!”, then maybe I raise an eyebrow…
meanwhile: the “you never respect my opinions” thing seems like something you all might want to work thru. he’s welcome to his opinion, but so are you, and disagreeing with his opinion doesn’t mean you are disrespecting it or him.
IMO noting a true statistic regarding a racial topic by itself is not racist.
Tell him to Google: Kaepernick