He(32m) said it felt wrong and degrading, and not good for my mental health. I(28f) enjoy it because how submissive that is, but I do wonder if I was just influenced by porn. Im also into rape kink and all that, but he won’t go anywhere near it. Even if I play struggle, he would feel bad because he felt like he was raping me.
I don’t know where my darker desire come from and if my partner is right that I should do less of it even in bed.
Is there any truth to the mental health claim?
12 comments
Being a kinkier person doesn’t need to be a “mental health” related issue. You enjoy it, it’s as simple as that. It’s wrong of him to force this idea upon you that this must be a negative mental health related thing. There’s no reason to look at your desires as dark and bad when kink is a VERY common thing.
being kinky, dominant, submissive, or any other thing doesn’t have to be a mental health issue. My SO’s mental health is great, and she’s my submissive, sexually. She’s my partner in life, and the boss at work (literally, She’s my boss).
Just because you enjoy being submissive doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
Just because he doesn’t enjoy being dominant doesn’t mean something is wrong with him.
nooo. im a sub too and there’s been guys that try to tell me that what im doing is unhealthy or degrading or whatever. and its like yeah no, it’s basically kink shaming.
He is entitled to his preference, but he is not entitled to questioning your mental health for having kinks.
Many people practice kinks with a sound mind.
My man told me that he would do as he pleases and I would like it. I am a very successful professional woman who laughed in his face, thought he was an ass and told him to take me home. He did. But 2 texts and 1 phone call later he picked me back up and took me to a hotel. He is a pleaser but does it with such masculinity and physicality that the sex was mind blowing and I was speaking in tongues and my mind could not wrap itself around all the pleasure. I figured he would never call again. We have been together a year and I thank him every time after we spend a night together. He is very much a professional GQ looking guy with great confidence and tells me truths at all times. He encourages me to try anything and never lacks imagination.
Just know I too many rules prior to him as I typically dated 3 months before being intimate and only have had long term commitments relationships. Ours started out as??? But now I don’t know what I would do without that….. he is irreplaceable.
This dark desire you refer to is not dark or bad or anything except something that two adults may want to explore which can lead to extreme pleasure and a better and more varied sex life. There is nothing wrong when consenting adults agree that certain things are acceptable together. Please keep us updated on how you communicated this to him.
I can understand. I had a hard time letting my load off into her mouth. I didn’t know what to think the first time it happened. I felt like I was being disrespectful to her and I just didn’t want her to feel that way. Well, it turns out she likes it and she likes it when I pull her hair. I’ve since gotten over it and because I know she likes it and she doesn’t see it as disrespectful.
His mental health comment comes off as extremely judgemental and weird. If a man wanted to kneel and eat me there’s no way in hell I’d think “wow, dude must be ill”.
Not actually.
However it may indicate the he thinks a man’s desire for a woman may be degrading…
Later on you may have deel with a love/lust split (madonna/whore complex) that destroys many relationships.
Good luck 🍀
Never shame yourself. I had the same block as him when I was young dumb and full of Christian. It’s a projection that infers things about kinks that are common misconceptions. It’s highly possible he felt something and shamed himself and you were caught in the fire. Talk with him and explain why you like it–he’ll probably think it’s sweet; unless he’s a dumbass.
People are being waaay too sensitive. All he’s saying is he doesn’t want to feed into the submissiveness and degradation because he doesn’t want to reinforce those feelings.
If you don’t have a humiliation or sub/dom kink you’re not going to understand that it doesn’t inherently mean you have bad self esteem or see yourself as a lesser person. He’s worried about making you feel bad about yourself. He thinks the root of your kink is self hatred.
Of course that’s not often true for subs, but it’s not him trying to be nasty, he just wants to be a good partner and not put either of you in a negative position
There’s nothing wrong with your kinks, or his desire to not engage in them. It’s up to you two to decide if you can compromise on this and understand eachother a bit more, or if you’re just not compatible.
There isn’t any truth behind the mental health claim at all. I understand the blowjob thing though I don’t like the idea of receiving one it feels very demeaning imo and I don’t want to degrade my partner. But I think you two should have a proper conversation about each others kinks etc.
There is nothing wrong with you; you have your kinks. But he has expressed that he’s uncomfortable with it, which is equally valid.
There’s no truth to the mental health claim, that’s just what turns you on. As long as you aren’t using it as a way to self-harm, it’s all fine.