Hello. I am a male who has struggled socially my entire life. I will spare the details, but I never had many friends, was bullied in school, etc.
From a young age I knew there was something wrong with me, but I could never figure it out. For the longest time I viewed my entire self as broken or flawed. This brought massive self esteem issues that have been a life long hurdle.
I have since shifted my thinking, and recognize that this is just one aspect of me. The entirety of me isn’t broken if this one aspect of me (albeit important) repels people
I noticed that I don’t bother socially anymore, and when I am in social interactions, I am quiet and I hide my personality naturally. I think this is due to social anxiety/ passed trauma.
Anyway, I did try to befriend this person in my class a few weeks ago. I tried my very best to appear normal, not say weird things, etc. They appeared to be interested in me as they sat next to me and talked to me.
In the end, they chose to sit somewhere else and chose to ignore me in the next class. Which is fine as I am not entitled to anything, but this has been a reoccurring theme with everyone I meet.
I have been told that my outward appearance or behavior is “weird” or “off”, and have been asked by many if I am autistic. I am not diagnosed, but it is a possibility.I do know I have adhd.
Anyway, I can’t really meet people or make friends because I am stuck on the first part. I am unsure what I am doing wrong, and I know it’s impossible for you guys to tell me without knowing me. Has anyone else experienced this and have any tips on how to improve?
3 comments
You are in a self fulfilling prophecy predicament. You think you are worthless and weird and therefore you act like you are weird. And because you act this way, people react to you as if you are weird.
This is not one aspect of you. This is a completely wrong interpretation of your own worth in this world. As children we are naturally self centered because that is crucial for our survival. A baby will cry until it gets fed or it’s diaper gets changed. A baby doesn’t stop to think: “I should probably not cry because I will bother people and I want to be nice and not taught poorly of”. No, a baby will cry until it’s needs are fulfilled.
Because of that, any kind of poor treatment that you may have received as a child is I reordered as being your fault. You must have been the cause of your bulking and mistreatment, hence you are worthless, weird, flawed, etc.
But all of that is an illusion. It’s a misinterpretation of events that you made early in life and that you still carry on with you. You need to reinterpret them and reattribute the causes of mistreatment as solely being the responsibility of those who mistreated you. You couldn’t have possibly caused this mistreatment. This is their responsibility and you can absolve yourself of that blame.
You’re enough as you are man. Even if the shit in your past which proves that wrong to you can be accepted. We all have weird skeletons in our closet.
I know what it’s like to want to be perceived as normal but the more you try to control that, the more shit won’t go your way. Back in college, I rounded up a group friends for partying and when my mask slipped when I was intoxicated, everything blew up in my face outside of like the one person who I would have been cool with anyways without a mask.
The more you own your weird self and look for people who are okay with that while being considerate in your actions, providing value (this one is tough to explain but basically just not taking from others without being helpful), and look for people with similar hobbies, interests, and goals, the easier it will be to get out of this situation.
The toughest part is finding your own kind and not letting your insecurities get in the way of being yourself around them.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9kJu2P51TF0
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