Can being to friendly (chating in person) be considered flirting? I have a few occasions where I believe I have given the wrong impression as i do tend to be friendly. It happen a few times this yr when asked if i would want to date, hangout, have drinks, etc after a friendly chat. When do men consider a woman flirting with them?
Conversation are nothing more than small talk, current events, tv shows, work, nothing inappropriate. I also make sure i do not touch or place my hands on someone I’m not dating.
I might be reading to much into this for here are some examples:
E.g. 1.) a friend of a friend asked if i wanted to go on a cafe date after a few interactions from a friends’ dinner gathering. I declined politely 2.) A coworker asked me out for dinner after chatting waiting on it customer service. I decline politely as i do like keeping work and personal life separated.
3.) A random stranger who i meant that i continued to chat with as he is working for an agency i wanted to work at at one point. 4.) An old coworker keeps texting me after leaving my old agency. The last two examples tend to keep asking how my day is going when i do not reply to the 1st time they asked.
18 comments
It sounds like you are just a friendly person and not flirting. Cases that you’ve mentioned are why some women I know avoid talking to men they don’t really know. However, I think you should continue to be your friendly self, unless you’re annoyed with all the suitors.
If someone is drawn to you, then they’re looking for signs. Whilst I wouldn’t necessarily say that’s flirting, you can split making your move into 3 perspectives. 1. Looking for reasons she’s not interested, not responding, cold body language, not smiling, no eye contact. 2. Looking for reasons she could be interested, engaging, smiling, initiates conversation, tactile. 3. I like her so I’m just going to shoot regardless. I see these posts from men and women on relationship subs. “Do they like me” “is he/she flirting” posts get posted at least 20 times a day, and they often list “reasons why he/she could be interested” reasons why he/she aren’t interested”.
A lot of the times, the reasons listed are at best ambiguous, and it’s interesting the reasons people list when they’re attracted to someone, things like “he sometimes brings me a coffee when he goes to the canteen” or “they say hi every morning and usually are smiling” and these aren’t necessarily indicative of attraction, but just being friendly.
Ultimately, I think if someone is attracted to you, they latch onto any positive interaction that they can easily have with friends/colleagues, but their attraction to you can make them amplify and exaggerate those interactions. That’s not necessarily flirting, it’s someone liking you thinking there’s enough to at least ask.
I have a girlfriend who, before she was married, would be very friendly to men and act surprised they ended up hitting on her or asking her out. After a while it was kind of annoying to our group honestly… without seeing how you’re interacting with men it’s hard to say if they are misinterpreting your friendliness as flirting or if you could being giving off some vibe without realizing it. If it bothers you try being more aware of how you’re acting/ carrying yourself. This is why a lot of women just aren’t very friendly with men, it gets old after awhile. You may have to reevaluate if being friendly with men is worth it to you.
If I meet someone and we have a great conversation and we’re both single, heck yes I’m going to ask her for a date. How else do you find out if you like someone except by talking to them?
Many of us (men) are lonely dry deserts. When we are acknowledged or given unique attention, we feel elated or stimulated. We have nothing to lose by asking out a person we want to try dating/finding commitment to.
As ihearthandbags stated below, you might need to be less human to ward off proposals. It’s just sad that society is imbalanced as it is.
This is a dating sub. Is your question about dating? Sounds more like you want to avoid getting dates.
My ex-wife is a person who naturally smiles at people, isn’t afraid of eye contact, is mentally playful, and looks to be able to connect while talking (I.E. she’s not talking *at* you). Even if it’s just a brief conversation.
Myself, and all of her co-workers described her as flirty. She always thought she was just doing “friendly.”
Sounds like you’re friendly and easy going by nature.
No you’re not too friendly.
Guys mainly just try to shoot their shot for a date coupled with all the online and real life talks of Ladies who want guys to ask them out but never ask the guy out.
So guys are stuck playing the “Is She Interested” game.
It’s too bad you might have to dull down your friendliness or just keep the “Polite-No” muscle working.
Sounds like none of the guys were too insisting which is the norm.
We shoot, get shot down, back to friends.
You don’t have to be flirting or too friendly for someone to ask you out. I’ve been asked out without a conversation. A person might feel an attraction to your personality or looks or both from a distance and take their shot.
Why does a man need to think you are flirting with him in order to ask you out?
A person (man or woman) may to think to themselves ‘she seems friendly and attractive, I’d love to get to know her better to see if a spark can develop here’.
I wouldn’t change your behavior, I’d take it as flattering that you come across as a person people want to get to know better. I say this as a woman.
I know when I’m nice it is mistaken as flirting. 🤷🏻♀️
This is the story of my life lol. I’ve been told that my starsign (Libra) is notorious for being friendly and having that frequently be miscontrued for flirting!
Sometimes we interpret other people’s behavior through the lens of our own behavior. So it’s possible that they think that you’re flirting when you make friendly conversation with them because *they* would only make friendly conversation with a woman if they were interested in her.
It’s also possible that they have no idea if you’re interested, but after chatting, *they* are interested in you so they decided to shoot their shot.
Yes, people pleaser pretty much have a mark on their forehead „this could be an easy target“. *sigh*
>When do men consider a woman flirting with them?
When any attention is given whatsoever.
We have no idea when women are flirting with us.
Sometimes we take a chance and ask a woman out. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn’t. But for every woman tired of men approaching her there’s another trying to figure out how to be more approachable. We have no idea which camp you fall into beforehand. We harp on the necessity of clear and direct communication in this sub,and now, here we are talking about men clearly communicating interest and there is a poster telling you to reevaluate whether it’s worth it to be friendly to men.
As one of the few people on r/dot who has been happily coupled for several years now, I can tell you you’ll never find a satisfactory answer to what you’re asking. 99% of guys would be elated if he had been asked out once, ever. Let alone “a few times this year.” So we can’t really relate to women’s frustration about it. Especially when the only way we know how to enter a relationship is by asking a woman out. Very damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It’s almost like life and dating are extremely complicated things to navigate.
I’ve dreamed of a world where I can be friendly towards men without them trying to shoot their shot. Unfortunately, that’s not reality (at least for me it isn’t) so I avoid giving men my attention.
It’s kind of an unfortunate situation for all involved
Of course you want to be friendly but as a guy, if a girl is being friendly with me and I don’t hear anything about a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, whatever then I’m gonna ask her out. I know that puts you in a tough spot of having to reject me but in my journey in trying to try to find a significant other, it’s something I want to do
now, what happens next dictates whether the guy is a good person or a bad person. If they keep hounding you about a date or just are generally hovery then they are not good. They don’t respect boundaries and don’t know how to take a no. When I get a no, I understand to move on but of course I will still be cordial
like I said, it’s tough. I know women have it hard but men have it hard too, especially with the expectation that we make the first move (how many posts even just on this sub are from women wondering why a guy won’t make a move?).
I wish it was more apparent as to who’s available and who’s not (should we wear wristbands or some shit?) but until then, we’re all shooting in the dark