Well I never thought I’d make a Reddit post of this but I’m between a rock and a hard place. I 22F have been with my boyfriend 28M for 2 years consistently after a year of on and off again. Right off the bat I told this man vanilla wasn’t gonna cut it for me. He assured me that we could try whatever I wanted. The first year and a half of us being together was mostly car sex and quickies which leaves me high and dry every-time and I told him I’m not putting out if I’m getting nothing in return. All of it was vanilla and he assured me it was because we didn’t have our own places and private space and I understood that. Well now I’ve home by myself multiple times a week all day and night for over a year and it’s still boring and vanilla. After three years I know what makes him tick, I know his body like the back of my hand, and can get him off under three minutes but he does NOT know my body whatsoever after all this time and is very very rarely ever able to get me off. And then gets hurt when I finish the job myself later. On top of that now that he’s 28 his sex drive has significantly dropped off and he’s content with having sex once every few days while I want it to be more like two-three times a day. I’m stuck because he’s a good person and a nice guy but god do I feel deprived. I keep fantasizing about what it would be like if he had my preferences and I’m just left kinda sad and disappointed. Unfortunately I’ve also started to fantasize about my ex who was awful to me but great in bed and I definitely don’t like those intrusive thoughts. What should I do? Is it really worth it to break up with a nice person cause of the sex? Am I over reacting and should suck it up for the rest of my life?
Tl/dr: my bf is vanilla while I’m not and after three deprived years I’m starting to have doubts on our compatibility
9 comments
“nice” is nice. but more than that is usually needed in a partner i think 🤷 do you think he’s “teachable” on how to finish u off?
People should be sexually compatible for a relationship to really work. However, you should try to talk to him and teach him what you want. If he’s not receptive, you’re well within your rights to break up with him. Good luck and best wishes.
Two or three times a day!
Nothing wrong with those preferences, but that might be too much for him. I’m 28, and I could probably do that at 22 but I feel like I had a lot more energy back then
A high energy, high sex drive, woman needs to date guys in her age range. Sexual compatibility is a biggie.
It sounds like when you say “vanilla” you mean “just penis in vagina.” Friend, your orgasm is not a kinky add on. It’s an integral part of sex.
I think you need to have a hard conversation and just lay it all down for him. Sex is a very important part of a relationship and if you can’t find common ground on that it’s going to be hard. You don’t want to start to resent him. I think you need to have a hard conversation about this with him and just tell him it’s a crucial part of a good relationship for you and it’s not something you’re willing to compromise on
What do you consider vanilla? What would you suggest to him for it not to be vanilla?
Have you tried showing him what you like? What does “vanilla” mean? Are you looking for whips and chains or just an orgasm? Kinda sounds like you’re stuck in “quickie” mode because that’s how your relationship started. Sex shouldn’t take only 3 minutes lol. Take your time. Show him what to do, communicate.
Do you ever initiate “non vanilla” things? Like are you expecting him to just read your mind and do exactly what you want, or do you actively pursue these things? He might have no idea what you’re even asking. If someone said to me “I’m not vanilla baby!”, then proceeded to just have normal sex for the next three years lol🤷♀️ like I kinda think this is on you here.
So, when you directly tell him what you want, does he say no?