I (26F) have male best friend (34M) and we have been friends for 5 years. It was never a problem till I recently as I’ve entered a relationship (year ago) with someone whom I really love and care about.
My boyfriend (M30) considers my best friend and I are too close and we are really close. You know daily contact via phone or messages, frequently going for a coffee together, talking about everything and anything. All things I consider are normal to do with your best friend. Problem presented itself when my boyfriend found out that my best friend and I had fwb relationship 3 years ago. Both of us were single, found each other attractive and things happened but we decided that we wouldn’t enter a relationship as we couldn’t see us working out long term in romantic/committed sense.
Now my boyfriend demands I cut off all contact with my best friend as for him me having a past with my best friend is a deal breaker as he is afraid I have feelings for my friend and will inevitably cheat on him.
So is it really that big of a deal breaker and red flag I have a past and am refusing to cut off contact with my best friend?
4 comments
It’s what I’d call a thick filter. Some people will be fine with it, I’d be fine with it. Lots of people will not, and I’d suggest telling people right away when you start dating.
I wouldn’t date a girl who was as close with an old fling.
Eh, depends on the person. Some people are okay with it, others (me included) are not. Who’s to say this won’t happen again? Sure, you say it now that it WONT happen again. But are you so certain of that in the future? I could understand your perspective if you weren’t super close with the guy, but you are. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this and you should have the freedom to have your friends and such. But this situation is very uncomforting (if that’s a word) to a lot of people (both guys and gals alike). Ultimately, it comes down to preference from your boyfriend, you shouldn’t have to change or cut someone out of your life, I do believe there is a compromise here, but I do believe the boyfriend has the right to be paranoid.
I’m surprised when people do trust others, l mean look at how many people want an open relationship now just because others are doing it…
That being said, I usually give someone trust until I have a reason not to but it’s very fickle. Like, if they lie about something when asked, that’s a sure fire way to lost trust quickly.