My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, we communicate well and we really love each other. This is the only problem that doesn’t seem to be able to resolve.
I have talked to him about this in the past and he told me that he does it 1) because of how he was raised and 2) because that’s how he shows affection with friends. I pointed out that he only does this with our female friends, like giving them his clothing, persistently doing things for them (ex. if they’re tired giving them a piggyback ride, things anyone would see as romantic or of the sort), and letting them sit on his lap.
He has told me that he doesn’t realize when he does it and will try hard to stop it, but it keeps happening and more frequently since I’ve brought it up. Yes I realize this is somewhat childish of me to be jealous, but I’ve made my feelings clear to him, he agrees, and it doesn’t stop.
What do I do? I love him very much, this isn’t something we would break up over. A friend has told me that i’m being controlling, but I don’t forbid him from having girl friends at all.
TL;DR My boyfriend is overly friendly towards other women and it makes me uncomfortable
4 comments
I’m curious why you want to be with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
Well if he isnt changing, and its hurting you, why would you stay in the relationship? You may love him but thats not enough to make a relationship work. A relationship needs two people who respect one another and one another’s boundaries.
You can’t change him, you can’t control his behaviors. All you can do is adjust how you respond to it. And one way of caring for yourself is to simply not be in this relationship with someone whose behaviors make you uncomfortable.
You aren’t being controlling but I think you need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you because he’s not interested in stopping this for you.
You already told him, he said he would stop, and he hasnt. The ball is in your court, decide if this is the type of relationship you want, because I guarantee you can find someone who you love just as much if not more, who will not do any of these things or at the very least, follow through on what he says he will do.
The reason he doesn’t do this in his friendship with men, is that teenage men almost never build or accept these kinds of sincere friendships. It’s sad, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s favoring women, but that he has the skills as a friend that women are more likely to value and understand.
If you don’t trust him and he’s not prepared or able to abide by your boundaries, you need to nor date him. If you do trust him, then you need to let him manage his own friendships, even with women.