How do I deal with being the laughing stock in my friend group

5 comments

1. You already know the anser: Make better friends.

   Step 1: with a very broad lense, examine whethe there is *any truth* in what your “current friends” are saying, under the jokes and insults. Are they always making fun of you calling you “Stink boy/girl”? Then maybe there is an issue with your personal hygiene. Are they calling you “virgin nerd”? Ignore that noise. Find if there is ANY reason for their mocking, not based on their perspective but on actuality, and fix it.

   Step 2: go out in the world and find like-minded people, based on your hobbies and interests. FOLO is a real thing, but shitty friends is not something you should be afraid of losing. It’s like holding in a fart – it’s better if it’s let go.

2. I mean, if it’s lighthearted, that’s one thing, but if it makes you feel bad… let them know that it bugs you. Doesn’t have to be a big speech, can be something casual, like “ok, maybe we can spread the fun around” or “c’mon, are we gonna hang out or make fun of me all night?” If they see that it bugs you, and yet they don’t let off, you might need new friends.

3. Tell them to get bent and go find some real friends

4. Talk to them openly, in a serious manner. Tell them how you dislike what they do and find it annoying, so it overal bothers you.

   Result:

   1) They are good friends, hence end up being receptive and understanding. = they change their ways towards you.

   2) They are shitty friends, so they don’t rly care about what you said. = they don’t change their ways and maybe even mock you more.

   If it’s the 2 option, then you gotta ditch them and find some new friends…cuz they obviously aren’t rly your friends anyway.

5. How old are you? In my experience, this was common behaviour as an adolescent. Sometimes groups of guys will do this to establish and maintain a pecking order (or social hierarchy).

   From that perspective, you’ve got three options. 1) Leave the friend group and find one that respects you and don’t tolerate others victimizing you (in a way that is excessive compared to the general joking culture of the group). 2) Attempt to change the way you behave in the group to get more respect (ie change the pecking order). Laugh heartily when a joke comes at your expense and work on a quick scathing comeback. Don’t make yourself small in response to attempts to make you feel small. Or 3) Be authentic about how you feel singled out and request that the group be kinder to you.

   All three of these approaches have risks and costs. However the risk of staying in the situation as it is and not doing anything is to further denigrate your self respect and dig yourself into a hole of self loathing. I know it’s hard, but you have to take action on your own behalf if you want change.