I F(26) met my friend M(27) several years ago in the service industry. We now both live above and work at the same restaurant, in two separate apartments. (I have lived here almost 3 years, he moved in this summer)
I’m a very heavy sleeper but since he’s moved in I’m woken up constantly and then can’t fall back asleep. In addition to the few shifts I work at the restaurant I have a full time day job and my sleep is important. I wake up at 4/5 in the morning to him slamming doors and throwing things around or stomping around. I am losing my mind.
I have tried to be patient and understanding but he constantly responds with severe agression, in person or text. He’s the head chef, and I bartend/serve/manager in duty and he throws tantrums in the kitchen while the restaurant is open. (Customer allergy or he forgot and burned something) he is becoming increasingly unhinged, and threw a plate at my head during a shift. The owners of the restaurant don’t address his behaviour because we are so short staffed, and they can’t find someone to replace him.
I’m frustrated because I love working there otherwise, and I need the extra money, but I am exhausted and don’t know what to do anymore. We were good friends for years, but he’s become a different person. He’s pissed at the world and takes it out on everyone. He’s become really toxic and agressive. I don’t know what to do. moving and quitting seem extreme, but I am anxious all of the time.
TL/DR : neighbor is super loud at night and is unapproachable and agressive. I can’t get any sleep, I am exhausted and anxious. What do I do?
3 comments
If you’re at the point that you’re considering moving and quitting, i think you DO need to let your employer know that. Let them know it’s not sustainable to have both of you living and working in the same place, because you can’t and won’t tolerate the abusive and erratic behaviors of your coworker. Let them know simply that they need to choose to either let him go, or plan to replace you. And if they decide to keep him on, you should go find yourself a new job.
It sucks but obviously its not a topic you can broach with your friend, as his behavior is aggressive when he’s confronted.
Are you concerned he’s using drugs? This is pretty wild behavior for someone who wasn’t always like this.
It’s fairly easy to find work in the service industry, given the current tight labor market. Experienced bartenders and servers are always in high demand. Furthermore, since you have already established a good track record as the manager on duty, you can likely land a supervisory position at a different restaurant or bar – quite possibly with a sizable boost in pay. You say you love your current position otherwise, but you are putting up with a boatload of grief to stay there. What’s to say you wouldn’t enjoy a new job in the same industry just as much, or even more, since you would no longer have to worry about your volatile co-worker/neighbor?
I’d recommend that you start searching and land a new job first, then look for a place to live that’s convenient to your new work location. It’s a shame to have to pull up roots because of an obnoxious co-worker. But if he’s stressing you out and occasionally making you fear for your safety, and the owner refuses to fire him or even counsel him about changing his negative behaviors, then it’s up to you to change what you can – and that is your own environment.
*moving and quitting seem extreme*
No, they sound smart and practical.
Whether it’s drugs or mental decline or both, he needs help and you need to be safe from him. What if that plate *had* hit you? What if the next one does? Or what if the next thing he comes at you with is something far more deadly, like a knife?
There are far too many what ifs and neither that job nor whatever friendship used to exist there is worth the risk to your safety & sanity.
Move and quit.