As the title suggests. Below is my reasoning.
My husband is from another country in Europe (we live in North America) and he was recently invited to attend a ball in his home country where he will be given a prestigious award. I of course want to go and support him plus it would be an opportunity for us to visit his family after not seeing them 3 years due to the pandemic. Only problem is, my best friend’s wedding is the day after the ball so there is no chance of us going and then coming back and making it for both things. I’m also a bridesmaid. She’s a bridezilla and the world revolves around her and it would be the end of our friendship (we see eachother a couple times a year). I want to go to support my husband, I want to go on a trip to Europe to see our family and for them to meet our kids for the first time (they are 3 & 6mo) but I don’t know if I’m ready to axe our friendship. Any advise is SUPER appreciated
39 comments
When is her wedding and/or your husband’s event?
It can be a little dicey if it’s the near future. Personally, I’d be really understanding if this was my friend. However, I’m also not a psycho when it comes to weddings LOL
Seems like your friend should take one for the team. This would be a minor inconvenience to her big day while this sounds like one of your husband’s biggest days ever. If she can’t understand this then is she a true friend?
You have to decide how much this friend means to you. If going is worth losing her friendship over you have your answer.
Honestly your family is more important than a friendship. It wouldn’t matter if she was sweet as pie if you want to go to Europe go to Europe. Apologize that you can’t make it and if she ends the ship over that then she is 100 percent not a good friend to have anyways.
Your husband is more important. Tell her as soon as you can so she has time to find another bridesmaid if she wants. She’ll have to come to the realization she’s not the world to everyone one day.
This is a hard one for me because I get both sides.
If I were winning an award, I’d want my husband there.
If I was getting married, I’d want my best friend there.
Both parties will have valid reasons for being upset but you are only one person. This may not be helpful but your best bet is to pick one and attempt to make it up to the other person and either will get over it
I wish that I had a clear cut answer but I don’t…I’m sorry.
Your marriage comes before her marriage. That’s it. End of story. Supporting your husband, seeing family and introducing grandchildren and grandparents for the first time ever is much more important.
Can you go to see the family a few days earlier, your husband can stay until he receives the award and you can fly home early to be at the wedding. It may be your best option if you want to see your family and keep your friendship. As you said you wouldn’t be there for the award but I’m sure you could FaceTime call to see it in real time. I’d be deeply hurt if I asked someone I considered a close friend to be a bridesmaid and then they dropped me for a better offer. If your friend drops the friendship it is not because she’s a bridezilla and everything revolves around her. It’s because it’s a hurtful thing to have happen. Some friends are like family and they deserve your support too.
If you agreed to be her bridesmaid before being invited to the ball, I think it’s only right you follow through with your original commitment to your best friend.
Grow some balls and tell your friend there was a change of plans and you cannot go to her wedding why are you so scared of her? That doesn’t sound like friendship more like highschool drama.
I can only speak for myself, but I would prefer my boyfriend be in his best friend’s wedding over seeing me receive an award, especially if he’d already made the commitment. A wedding is (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime event. I genuinely can’t imagine my wedding without my best friend there or vice versa.
Did you already commit to being her bridesmaid before the ceremony was announced? How does your husband feel about this? Do you actually want to maintain your friendship? The way you describe it, it almost sounds more like you’re afraid of her reaction rather than desperately wanting to go to support her.
What does your Husband think?
If I were him, I could probably live with you not being able to attend the Ball. But it simply just comes down to how much you value your friendship and if you are willing to lose it over this.
Alternative suggestion – You could attend the wedding and leave for Europe the next day. You would miss the ball, but at least you could see your family and make a trip of it.
Bow out of the wedding now. She has 11-12 weeks to ask someone else. If she dumps, oh well. You talk to her once or twice a year. Offer her your dress for a replacement if it’s already bought.
I think you should be there for your husband and family. It’s where you want to be. You will regret it if you don’t.
Tell her something came up and you cannot be in or at her wedding. It’s a family thing and you must be there. Do not let her guilt you. If she really is a friend, she won’t do that.
It bothers me that this would end your friendship. It leads me to believe the friendship isn’t that strong to begin with.
I feel as though you are asking Reddit’s permission to ditch your friend to go on a fun holiday. When really this comes down to your relationships with your best friend and your husband, and we don’t know those connections like you do.
Your husband knows about the wedding, what does he think of you not going to his award ceremony? He could take the kids to meet the grandparent. Are you financially stable enough to take another trip?
Tell your friend about the ball and explain the importance of the trip. How much do you value that friendship? How would you feel if your closest friend chose to not go to your wedding to go on a holiday?
Everything you have said about the woman you claim is your best friend is negative and mean so you should pull out just because she deserves someone who is actually her friend in her bridal party, not you.
Is there any possibility you could go to the wedding and then fly out to meet family the following day to celebrate with your husband?
Husband comes first, family second. Bridezilla friend not even on the list.
If I were the bride and getting married and my best friend told me this situation had come up, I would encourage her to go be with her husband and have his family meet their kids. Best friends are supportive of each other. It would suck, but I would 100% want the best for my friend and not want her to choose between me and family. If your friend cuts off the friendship because of this, then she’s not your friend, period.
It sounds like you were already asked to be a bridesmaid and said yes. Is that correct?
You wont get another opportunity to see family and have the expenses paid so id say do it. If the friend is a bridezilla then no doubt there’ll probably be another wedding in the future for her. If she was a real friend she would understand and support you taking your children to meet their family for the first time. You see her like twice a year and if shes really going to end a friendship over it then its not a real friendship imo. This is your husband and children, i know what id pick….
Friends come and go, partners priority…
You should probably update the post. From your comments I understand this is more of a “this is the only chance for my kids to see their grandparents, due to everyone’s tickets being paid because of my husband’s award” thing rather than a “choosing my husband’s award ceremony over my best friend’s wedding” issue. And many people are commenting assuming it’s the latter.
I’d talk to your friend and explain the situation, and how you’re considering not attending her wedding because of this, even though you’d love to be there for her. If this is an an amazing chance for your kids to meet their family for the first time (and vice versa), she should probably understand.
Maybe you can explain to her how you feel and what is happening. Being 100% transparent is definitely needed. And who knows, depending on what you do, you may have your trip to Europe and keep your friends. Hope it works out well tho. 😁
Can’t you miss the ball but go out after and visit family together? You already said yes to the wedding so your friend would be understandably upset if you pulled out.
I would not go to her wedding. But then again i don’t consider zillas who the world evolves around good friendship material. Your husband sounds like a better use of time. If you want to keep her as a friend you have to excuse yourself from the wedding in a polite manner, but the second she doesn’t allow it cut her off.
Why is she your best friend if she’s a bridezilla? I don’t understand that whole “treat my friends badly because I get to be queen for a day” shiz.
In any case – I’d choose my husband. Sounds like a more fun time, plus you have the added benefit of offloading a friendship that isn’t particularly satisfying.
You’ll regret whatever decision you make, so choose the event you will enjoy the most. Good luck.
What do you want to do?
Do that.
Going off your responses from comments it seems you’ve already made your choice and are looking for validation. Every comment saying to stay in the wedding you’ve ignored. Others, you’ve argued again if someone else replied first. You have commented on the ones saying to go with your husband. So, cancel the wedding and go be with your family.
If you’ve already committed to being a bridesmaid, you need to made a decision ASAP.
Does your husband want you there for support? Mine wouldn’t really be bothered tbh, especially if I had prior commitments. I also wouldn’t be wanting to travel with young kids right now, personally.
I think you need to weigh up pros and cons tbh, and it’s a difficult decision for you to make.
I think go see your husband’s family. This will mean a lot for your kids to start building relationships with their dad’s family. Your bff should understand how difficult the decision is for you, and if she can’t look past that then damn.
Better as for forgiveness than for permission! Just go Europe
you could still visit his family a couple days later, you would just miss the award…
This is an interesting one. I think deep down perhaps you don’t really want to go to this wedding? Do you really consider this person your friend or is it more of a social obligation? It seems you would really prefer to go to Europe, and I think that’s ok. It will just have consequences… Like any action does. So probably you guys won’t be friends anymore. You just have to weigh the pros and cons of that.
Go to Europe with your husband, have an amazing trip to see your family and for your kids to see their grandparents. Having that time together and making those memories as a family is worth more than the wedding of someone you see a couple of times a year imo.
Especially if they don’t understand the reasons why you’re no longer able to make their wedding. If she wants to end your friendship as a result that’s on her.
Family first, if she’s a bridezilla and thinks it’s that important and you only see her like twice a year then let her get over it. Your husband is there for life, I think you should definitely go support your husband OP
The irony of wedding tension never fails to make me laugh. A wedding is allegedly the celebration of two people pledging their lives to each other and all that entails…. And then folks get huffy if you have the audacity to put first the very person *you pledged your life to*. Anyone who would end a friendship over this was never your friend in the first place. I have had to learn the hard way more than once that you can be “friends” with someone for years who will actually dispose of you the moment you stand up to them or have to disappoint them in some small way. Go on the trip, it sounds like something you’d remember for years to come
Bridezilla or not, dropping out of a wedding for a non-emergency like this is incredibly shitty.
I see you’re preemptively trying to trash your friends reputation for sympathy, but you would be in the wrong here to bail
From the sound of the post, it looks like that you want to go to the ball (Europe) than going to your friend’s wedding. If that is what you feel/like/prefer, you could tell your friend. You don’t go to the wedding, but still send her a gift.
For me personally this seems like an easy question, I’d never want to miss my best friends wedding, especially because a wedding – ideally – is a once in a lifetime event and probably one of the most important days in her life. I get that you want to support your husband, but it is only an award after all, if I were your husband I wouldn’t care that much. I wouldn’t even consider not going to my best friends wedding for something like this. But honestly, you don’t sound like you actually like that friend of yours, so idk. You sound like you don’t want to go and don’t really care about the wedding but the only thing making you hesitate is your friends reaction.
Maybe you should think about how much that friend actually means to you first and prioritize what’s important to you.
And can’t you go meet your husband’s family a few days before the wedding and then fly back to attend the wedding? That way you could have both (except for the award but i wouldn’t care about that hahah, your husband could win many awards, a wedding is hopefully a once in a lifetime event).
In the end, you will not regret missing the wedding as much as you will regret missing the family trip.