My partner just had his first ever hsv1 outbreak in his lip.
I’ve probably given it to him at some point.
Oral hsv1 isn’t by utsel an issue for the infected (in my opinion, I have a few outbreaks a year with minimal issues), but now I feel like we can never have oral sex again because of my fear to be infected in my genitals.
So a little background to why I am so afraid.
I have always had issues, there is something wrong with my genitals that doctors can’t see. I feel like I break in the beginning of every penetration. 95% of the time it hurts quite alot in the beginning but pans out and sex becomes enjoyable after a few minutes. Afterwards I’m usually a bit swollen and hurts a little.
So for me, sex has never really been something I look forward to.
But oral sex has always been enjoyable, always something that has worked when the sex is too painful etc. Always worked to get me more relaxed etc.
Now, because of my issue with pain and reoccurring medical issues (yeast infection etc). I am so incredibly scared to get genital herpes. I just feel that if u get it, I will be that 1 in a 100 that will get severe issues.
So I feel to scared to have any kind of oral sex anymore and this feels like the beginning of the end of our sexlife.
My bf thinks I over exaggerate and that “we will find a way”. I don’t see it. The only comfort I had with sex is gone.
I really don’t know how to handle my feelings right now, I’m devestated and I’ve cried for the past 10 hours, not been able to sleep.
Sorry for the wall of text, but I am just so mentally broken down and don’t know how to handle this.
4 comments
Unless you have a compromised immune system, it is *extremely* unlikely (like I’m talking a negligible chance) to get the same strain of herpes in a second location if you’ve had it for more than six months. If you have a normally functioning immune system and are sure both of you have HSV-1, then I wouldn’t worry about it at all.
If you’re exceptionally concerned, the two of you can use dental dams and he can make sure he doesn’t touch your skin at all. Not as good, but better than being super anxious about it.
ETA: Here’s a source so that you can trust something other than a random internet stranger. The World Health Organization says “People who already have HSV-1 are not at risk of reinfection, but they are still at risk of acquiring HSV-2.”
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus
as long as neither of you are in an active outbreak on your lips you can’t spread it to your genitals
for sex being painful in the beginning (im the exact same way) foreplay is your friend. have him finger you or finger yourself to get your vaginal walls to relax, or even a toy! it doesn’t always work for me but it helps sometimes to try to stretch the opening a bit
I’ve heard that once you have HSV 1 in one place, you can’t acquire it in another place (So if you have it orally, I don’t believe that it will cause HSV 2 because HSV 1 prefers the mouth). There’s actually a herpes subreddit group on here, and I think you should direct that question there because there are a lot of posters in the group who are in LTR/married. I understand your fear 100%, but you should be fine.
I would assume you all have been having oral sex before his outbreak correct? I don’t see why you’d need to stop (I’m also not a doctor so whoever knows more about herpes issues please chime in!).
Have you all tried lube? That may help. Also try incorporating probiotics into your diet (if you haven’t already) to help your pH. I’m not saying it’s going to cure your yeast infections, but it may help out a bit.
Have him go to the doctor and get on valtrex or the genetic version. Limits outbreaks and shedding.