My boyfriend and I have been together for five years. We are both seniors, but we go to separate colleges. Both of our career paths require a master’s degree, so we’re planning on going to school together. The problem is, he’s basically given up on this semester. He has ADHD and struggles a lot with staying focused, but he isn’t doing any of the things that he knows help him. He hasn’t even taken his meds in a month because he keeps forgetting to refill them. A few months ago, he moved out of his parent’s house into an apartment with some of his friends from school. Since then, there’s been a rapid decline in his sleep, eating habits, and work ethic. After years of convincing, he’s finally started seeing a therapist. But I’m worried that it’s not enough to get him back on track. Grad school applications are due in two months, and he hasn’t even looked at the websites for the schools we’ve decided to apply to. I really don’t want to carry him through this process, and I don’t want to settle for a school I don’t like because he can’t get into any others. I can’t be his girlfriend and his mom, and I definitely don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him if he has to be told to do basic things like eat and do homework. We really love each other, but I’m losing patience with him. I’m not going to put my dreams on hold to wait for him to be ready. I honestly don’t know what I’m asking, but I need some input on what to do.
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I are applying to grad school, but he isn’t doing the work for that or his current classes. I feel like I have to mother him, which I don’t want to do.
4 comments
> I really don’t want to carry him through this process, and I don’t want to settle for a school I don’t like because he can’t get into any others. I can’t be his girlfriend and his mom, and I definitely don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him if he has to be told to do basic things like eat and do homework. We really love each other, but I’m losing patience with him. I’m not going to put my dreams on hold to wait for him to be ready.
Say these words to him. Hold him accountable for his response. This will sound a little odd/selfish, but your future matters to you more than his. Make sure he’s aware that his lack of action isn’t cause for you to sacrifice your future.
Ooooh boy. Please do not base where you apply or end up going to grad school on where your bf does. Be your own person and pursue what you want- since it’s clear that he isn’t on the same page and isn’t willing to put in the work to manage his ADHD.
It is *extremely* common for people your age to grow in different directions. He may have realized this career path is not for him. Would you still want to be with him if he no longer wants to go to grad school?
I think you should proceed assuming he’s not going to grad school.