Last night my gf and I decided to test out a kink she discussed with me a few days ago. The way she explained it to me was that she gets turned on by the idea of having sex with someone who seems completely bored. She said she wanted me to look uninterested and unimpressed while she went above and beyond to pleasure me. I didn’t really understand what was so hot about that, but hey, I didn’t judge.
So, there I was, looking as bored as possible while she was riding me like she just got released from prison. I yawned, played games on my phone, used some of her sex toys as action figures, etc. My gf slowed down at some point and told me to stop being a dick. I laughed at first because I thought she was joking. Big mistake. She got off of me and said of all the guys she’s done the bored sex thing with, none of them were able to stay in character for that long.
I was confused. I thought the point was to look bored, but according to my gf, the point was to “LOOK bored not actually BE bored.” I was even more confused after that line, but I apologized for whatever I did wrong. She managed to cool down eventually, but it took a lot from my side to convince her that I still enjoy sleeping with her. We continued having sex afterwards, without any acting. It was quick. She didn’t want me to go down on her. She just wanted me to cum and be done with it.
Can anyone please tell me how the fuck am I the bad guy here?
50 comments
Talk about mixed signals, eh?
You’re a good actor, and when someone sets a task to you, you follow through with it, dammit!
I think your gf did a very bad job of describing her kink and blamed it on you.
>used some of her sex toys as action figures
That part is hilarious and I love it!!
But back to your question. She should have made it clear that this was about initial boredom that becomes arousal as she’s at it. Not your fault. Some talking would be a good idea soon, to clear this from both sides, and also to learn what to make better next time or when describing the next kink.
Her kink wasn’t the “you being bored” part she actually brought up, it was the “her being so damn fire she can turn you from disinterested to drooling” part that she implied but didn’t communicate directly. I guess she found the whole idea of informing you a turn off, which is a common but immature way to approach sexuality you’ll encounter with some kinds of women.
Is this a common theme with her acting like this? I know personally I couldn’t be in a relationship with that kind of person.
Well that’s an illuminating look into her personality.
Oh, and the reason you’re the bad guy is because you’re the guy.
I guess it was miscommunication. Next time she should disclose what her actual kink is instead of blaming you.
Try to talk about it when you both calmed down and maybe had some time to collect your thoughts on this.
I CANT STOP LAUGHING 😭😭😭😭
The playing with action figure has really set me off 😭😭😭😂😂😂
You aren’t the bad guy. She has a fantasy that she’s not fully fleshed out. It’s difficult to get someone to act out a role exactly as you imagine it in your head.
Go to her and talk about it. Tell her you want to make this fantasy real for her, but you think you might have “Over acted” your role. Tell her it was all you could do to not toss your phone across the room and hang on for that awesome ride she was taking. Make her think acting bored was the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life.
Then, that’s when you ask for feedback, “What did I do that you liked? What did I do that made you think I really was bored? Let’s figure out what turns you on so that I can be what you want in that moment.”
Role playing is acting without writers or directors, you have to rely on each other to get the show ready for curtain drop. This was just a rehearsal, not the final show!! Good luck!
Yeah she didn’t really tell you her kink, she told you half of it lol. She didn’t communicate properly, that’s on her.
To her its a no-brainer, but to you and me it’s baffling. Imho, this isn’t something that be achieved IRL.
She seems a bit of a brat, doesn’t she? And mostly very impatient, ready to make a fuss when things don’t go exactly as she wanted.
She expresses a kink, you play along, without really knowing what to do, it didn’t turn out exactly like the fantasy she had imagined in her head, and she blames you?
She reacted in an immature way. The right reaction would have been to communicate what was wrong, and just try again another time.
It was the first time, role play is not always easy, mistakes happen, it’s not a big deal. You didn’t do anything wrong.
But the sex toys and the action figure really got me lol.
Your username is spot on loll
She didn’t really communicate her kink to you well. Or maybe you didn’t listen, I don’t know exactly, but it’s obviously miscommunication and nothing malicious or wrong on your part.
In my opinion this kink is about seduction. I have it and it’s amazing. It’s also about a guy not being a pushover for sex that’s attractive. Women are often used to be able to have sex without putting much effort into it. A guy that is hard to get or to seduce is an exciting change. If she feels she’s so sexy she can turn you on even though you’re so unbothered, that’s really an amazing kick. An alternative could be that she wants you to remain cool and distant in which case I think it could be just the element of someone having so much will power to resist so easily all the sexy stuff she’s doing that this is really attractive to her. Not only guys like the chase, woman do, too.
I think the word she was looking for was not bored, but aloof. Not easily swayed.
I think I know what she was referring to, she explained it badly though. What she was probably expecting was for you to act stoic and as if you were trying to maintain your composure and distract yourself from whatever she was doing. Kind of the appeal of giving someone head under the table while they do something else. Definitely lacking communication on her part.
I’m discussing this with my partner who is into this and it sounds like she’s into the ‘bored’ aspect when she can pull you out of it by you not being able to help being into what she’s doing. Almost like a “I’m trying to ignore you but can’t because you’re just too good.”
It’s like an ego boost or achievement of “I pulled him out of ignoring me by being so good when fucking him.”
It’s entirely possible that she couldn’t articulate this properly or otherwise didn’t understand that that was what she was aiming for until she didn’t get it. Might be worth trying the boredom thing for a while but giving her little tidbits of pleasure here and there, enough to keep her on the ropes.
Kinks are hard to navigate in their developing stages; while you can’t be expected to be a mind reader, she also needs some give in terms of figuring this out herself. Perhaps you guys need to have a talk about this and assess your performance; discuss what you liked and didn’t like and ultimately cultivate an environment where honesty is welcomed to achieve better sex.
You aren’t the bad guy here, but to me (I know lots of folks will disagree) she is.
As others have stated, her kink wasn’t one of being servile in front of someone being indifferent (which is a kink some people have). Her kink was essentially to “break” you, to be so good at pleasing you that you couldn’t keep up a facade. Her way of wanting to go about it to make it authentic was not to tell you about the second part so when you “broke” she would know it was a genuine reaction.
That to me is actually kinda manipulative. Somewhat harmlessly so…until she called you a dick and got mad at you for not playing along in a game you weren’t even aware of. Making you feel like you hurt her feelings and her pride for doing what she told you to do feels almost insidious. And I know she likely didn’t mean it to be that way and wanted you to have a little fun and her to have a little confidence boost.
But that was not the way to go about it, and leaving you feeling like you did something wrong for doing as she asked is something I think she needs to apologize for. That’s not cool on her part.
Sounds like she wants a challenge. She wants to feel like she can turn a boring situation into a hit one. She might want to feel that she’s doing such a great job that you couldn’t resist.
Also, breaking character laughing is not the way to go. The way to break character is to suddenly become interested and fuck her like there’s no tomorrow.
r/boredignored
This is the subreddit for your girlfriends fetish…but without the eventually finding the person so irresistible that they break character.
Please describe the action figure playing more
She was trying to flex and you outflexed her…Try to get into her headspace for one minute and you will get it.
Tell her, “Be careful what you wish for!” 😀
You’re not a mind reader. I think you can just do the best you can.
It’s not like you didn’t try for her.
Umm…
I see it as her coming into a room while you’re working or something, maybe on the phone with your mom and her going down on you or rubbing her pussy on you and getting you excited but then you taking control and turning the role and you become the aggressor and take control of the situation and give her the what for. Just a thought.
What i think is that she has low self esteem
I believe she wanted you to look bored but the fun for her is that she makes you unable to stay bored. Basically, she wants her sexual ability and her physicality to force you out of boredom. If you maintain said boredom state it’s reinforcing that she is not desirable or not doing a good job performing. Thus, she’s upset because her turn on is that she wants to know that she is so desirable and can pleasure you so much that it’s impossible for any man but especially you to stay bored when she’s [insert action here].
By you maintaining the boredom role you shattered that fantasy perspective that she was eager to have expressed. You reinforced the opposite perspectives for her haha.
That she is not as desirable as she believes
And that she does not perform as well as she can
Otherwise you couldn’t have maintained such a state.
You’re probably just a good actor and didn’t fully understand her kinks arousing motivation. Simply apologize and ask her if what is stated above is true.
The problem with her admitting it is that she wants it to be real. If she tells you the full extent of the kink how is she to know if your reaction to her is genuine and thus she provided a vague explanation.
This isn’t a kink it’s a test! She’s was testing you…
She wanted to be so sexy and good that you couldn’t contain yourself and stopped playing bored.
I think comparing you negatively to any past lovers is total bullshit, myself. You are the one who should be offended.
She wants the triumph of making you feel so good you CANT be bored. You were “so good at looking bored” it made her think she wasn’t good enough to break your character and now she feels insecure again that she isn’t good enough for you.
Dote on her and maybe go down on her without letting her do anything back. Go all out to show that she’s the only thing your time is for. And how crazy she drives you (in a good way).
She didn’t explain it well and you.. didn’t interpret it well.
It sounds like she doesn’t fully understand her own kink, which is normal. These things take time to present themselves fully. It seems like her kink is about having “the power to turn you”. She may get off from the satisfaction of seeing your boredom dissolve by feelings of pleasure that are “beyond your control”. She probably wants you to be bored at first and then sort of languish and struggle to keep up the act as she tortures you with pleasure until you can’t take it anymore and cum.
That’s definitely a thing. Explore /r/boredignored together to refine it…
Communication is key.
I guess maybe part of it for her is that she’s pleasing you so good you can’t keep pretending? I don’t know, she should’ve been more clear on what she wanted. Good on you for staying in character, a dedicated actor! Bravo! 👏
Ok this is the first post I’ve ever read in this sub that made me laugh out loud. I’m sorry for your predicament, but damn that second paragraph is gold.
She wasn’t clear enough about what she wanted. You’re NTA.
It sounds like she tried this in the past and the previous guys eventually caved yo pleasure, she assumed you would too. She never considered that you’d actually be able to withstand her actions and hold character, which probably bruised her ego a little. She tried her hardest and you still didn’t cave. She probably feels like she’s not good enough now. Just keep reassuring her that she is and next time you want to explore kinks make sure to fully discuss them, including the potential outcomes and parameters of them. Ask questions. And set the understanding that there may be misunderstandings and things may not go as planned, but it’s ok because if they do, you stop and recalibrate.
Sounds like your girlfriend wanted the validation of making a bored man not bored, rather than the degradation of having a man be bored with her. That’s on her for not communicating well enough what she wanted out of the fantasy, but a good way out of this is to ask her how she wants to feel in this situation. Empowered by the idea that she can make anyone want her, or does she enjoy the degradation of being with someone that isn’t into her? Two very opposite possibilities, which might indicate why she had such a strong reaction.
Yeah, I think she gets off on being so seductive that you break the rule of “being bored”. So you actually being bored isn’t the turn on, it’s not being able to resist the pleasure? I think.
Women make absolutely no sense at all sometimes. 😂
And if you would have acted interested you would have been accused of being selfish and only caring about your own pleasure not hers. Passive Aggressive. Is hard to deal with.
You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. She approached you with what she wanted and you did just that. Imo you shouldn’t even have had to work hard to ensure her that you enjoy it. This is on her. Work with her to improve her communication skills, but this is a red flag imo.
Woman gets what she literally asked for and gets upset
How original
She wanted to be the one to turn you on, until you switched it out and overtake her dominance with yours. She sounds like she’s a switch. In BDSM terms it means enjoying both dominant and submissive roles.
You beat her at her own game. This is on HER. Also I have played a version of this but didn’t tell my fwb prior to this happening. She was riding me. I clapsed my hands together in front of me and laid as still as possible.. Eventually she asked “What are you doing?”
I said, “Shhh…. we’re playing funeral home..” Laughter ensued…
Who won, the pint silicon dildo or the glass one?
If your are playing with kink have a safe word. And yes… even with emotional kink. My gods ESPECIALLY with emotional kink!
Op is a man of focus, commitment and sheer f*cking (literally) will
You’re not the bad guy. You are just really creative 😂
I think she gets off on the idea that even though the guy acts bored by her going so hard she is eventually able to push him over the edge.