I’m really heartbroken and sad right now but know that I have to leave this marriage. I didn’t believe in divorce and believed that you can get through anything with commitment and patience.
My husband has yelled at me, berated me, cusses at me, and withholds sex and communication from me when I don’t perform how exactly he wants me to.
I have LQTS and sometimes struggle with seizures. We got into an argument this morning because I found out he was looking at finances if we split up.. right after telling me he was a Christian and divorce isn’t an option for him and he will show me he is willing to fight for this.
I was devastated when I found out and of course it was my fault like always… I told him he truly broke my trust and I would rather him be honest with me about his plans so I’m not surprised with it and so we can be amicable and on the same page..
He became furious with me and told me that divorce was an option for me and I was apparently not in this for life.. to which I told him, I always have been, it’s just not fair to give that commitment to someone Who uses it against me and isn’t with me for life.
I said I would rather us not go to the volleyball game today since we went last night and I wasn’t feeling well and wanted to work things out.. to which he flipped out and told me I could drive and meet him there. I told him I was having seizures and it is not safe for me to drive or put other people in danger. He said oh well and to handle it..
So here I am sitting here and packing a bag while I struggle with seizures all while my husband knows and is with his parents and seizures choosing that is more important than being with your wife during seizures.
I probably sound selfish right now.. I’m just so fed up and so tired. It’s always been me saving the marriage and trying to be the perfect wife, that I just wanted someone to give me the same commitment and fight for me like I had for them.
I’m sorry all. I just needed to vent and I’m not sure how I’ll keep going on. I’m heartbroken, disappointed, and scared. I just know I can’t keep giving someone my everything when they simply just don’t care about me..
6 comments
You are absolutely not selfish. Your husband is. I can’t imagine choosing watching a kid’s volleyball game over being with my spouse who is having seizures! You do not deserve to put up with that callousness. He is being neglectful at best and abusive at worse. And telling you that you can drive! Seriously, was he dropped on his head as a baby?
Are you doing okay now?
As I’m sure you’ve heard a billion times from your doctors…stress is really bad for your heart and your seizures.
A divorce will be a lot of short-term stress. But if you don’t get divorced, you’ll be stressed for the *rest of your life.*
You’re not selfish. Your husband is.
>you can get through anything with commitment and patience.
Better get rid of this mindset. Don’t try to work things out with people who are toxic and do not change. You are working, they are not. You want change, they hurt you. Weed out everyone who disrespects your boundaries and be with supportive and healthy people for you.
Your husband is a controlling narcissist who withholds stuff and berates you until you are in the way he wants you to be. He benefits from you.
I have dealt with a lot of narcs to see the signs.
You are the good person who takes it and talks about justice and equality, while he uses and abuses you, hopes you don’t go against him and when you do, he forces you to go into the version he had the most control over and continues with his harassment.
Go and talk to a lawyer ASAP. He will discard you, but he will try to play you and take everything from you, leaving you with nothing.
Like one of those movies where the man just kicks out the wife, but she is too good to do him any bad.
Protect your money and documents, all of your belongings. Make sure he has no access to passwords, documents, etc.
He doesn’t care about you and he is already out of the relationship. He is just plotting how to outsmart you and leave you on the streets.
You may be naive to his tactics, at least this is how you sound from the post. You need to get out and start healing and recognizing abuse.
You got into the relationship and gave everything, he used you and gave you nothing.
You are not selfish. You are a victim of a manipulative narc and you need to get out. Move quietly and don’t allow him to play you.
Do it alone if you have to. People may not trust you and rat you out.
Be safe.
If he starts acting sweet, don’t, I REPEAT, don’t give in. This is breadcrumbing. Read about narcs on the internet. See doctor Ramani’s videos on Youtube.
Most importantly, don’t let them know what you are doing.
I can’t possibly tell you how much I detest my husband right now, but he has epilepsy, and let me tell you if he was sick right now, absolutely every issue would be put to the side while I would be at his side looking after him.
He can’t stop you from leaving and knowing nothing else I wouldn’t stay if it were me and I had somewhere to go. If you really love someone you are there for them when they need you.
You are NOT selfish. You have a medical condition and your husband is out right cruel to you.
Before you do anything, you need to make informed decisions. Get a good understanding of your finances that includes running a credit check on both yourself and your husband. Know how much debt and assets you have. Check all phone records. Make sure there isn’t a reason your husband keeps walking out on you (emotional affair, physical affair). See a lawyer to get a good understanding of what is legal in your state/country. Make sure you have a support system. Do not leave the house unless there is abuse or adultery involved.
Do not tell your husband anything about any thought process or plans. Secure your documents, passwords, money asap.
So sorry that happened