TLDR: My boyfriend and I dont see each other as often as I’d like. We don’t hang out at his place because of his dislike of where he lives and it’s putting a strain on me.
Hi everyone. So the title is pretty straightforward to what I’m dealing with. I’ve been dating my bf for the last four years. He’s a great guy and he takes care of me but we don’t see each other as often as I’d like.
When we would see each other it would mainly be at my house and dates. We’d do movie nights at my place or after dates outside we’d come back to my place to hang out more. He’d sleep over now and then when we could.Or once every few months he’d get us a hotel for the weekend.
We wouldn’t hang out at his apartment because he’d say it’s in a bad neighborhood and to be fair it is in a bad neighborhood but it’s not horrible. I’ve been there twice to meet some of his family and another to pick up Christmas gifts he got me and head back out for a date. Those two times I was just so happy just to be there after dating him for so long. He also lives w his brothers so to him we wouldn’t have much privacy that he’d like which I understand but I personally wouldn’t mind bc it’s not like he shares a room. I feel at times that he may be embarrassed where he lives and he don’t realize that it doesn’t change my views of him or his family because before I moved into the house I lived in, I was in an apartment in a bad neighborhood as well. But it never phased me, that was my home. And where he lives don’t phase me negatively either. He has a really good job and he’s saving to move , the state we’re in tho rent is ridiculously high and it’s been taking longer than he’d hope.
I recently moved further from him and it’s been hard seeing him because with him working his high demand job and me working mine it’s hard for us to go on dates being so tired. And after dates we don’t hang out at my place anymore since I moved with my dad and as his first daughter he’s not really used to the idea of bringing a boyfriend to the house so I haven’t as of yet and even if I do, I know he wouldn’t favor him sleeping over.
There’s no time to really hug or cuddle because there’s no private space to. We literally have to plan a trip to a hotel now just for some real quality time. I’m getting frustrated because it’s like I wish he would pick things up where he said F it and just let me come over to spend time with him more at his place. It would save money and give us more quality time. Sometimes I just want to be with him and in his space. I recently lost my little cousin who was like a little brother & some days I just desperately need a hug from him and it’s been bothering me that we have to plan a trip to the hotel just for me to properly get that. We talk on the phone all the time , even fall asleep on it but not being with him is a lot.
Sometimes I let it go because I know he’s working hard to get his own spot. We both are. But sometimes it bothers me that he won’t work with what he has.
1 comment
Sounds like he’s insecure about him having roommates at that age, is he overly conscious of other status things? Maybe since he’s a tad bit older and the guy he feels like he should have his own place. I don’t think his living situational is unusual but society has a lot of wierd pressures.
4 years is a while though, if you two feel close and comfortable talking about it privately you should. Be careful frame it that you really do like him, want to spend more time with him, and nothing else matters, you love him and want to be a part of his life but he has to reciprocate and let you in. It’s delicate as he might feel ambushed or feel like you’re pressuring him, but be supportive, don’t make demands or deadlines, just tell him how you feel and how it would make you happy. Relationships are a two way street and you deserve some slack too.
Source: was your bf in a similar situation. Realized it was my own insecurities, but not before pushing her away and losing her. I regret it!