Honestly I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or to see if others have been in similar situations.
I met this girl online 2 months ago and we’ve been dating ever since. She is not the best looking but we started having interesting conversations and tbh her personality matches mine. To a point that sometimes I think I was dating myself. But she is not my usual type. I know that characterizing people based on looks is demoralizing and not good but at the same time sexual attraction and look is part of every relationship. And I kept telling myself the same thing that looks isn’t everything. But I can’t form any sexual attraction either. Today I kinda broke down after my mom and sister told me why I was dating her. My mom basically said “poor girl is not really good looking”. It wasn’t nice to say that and I know but I was lost for words too. And it made me question things. I keep comparing her to the girls that I used to date and been in relationships, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m not a kinda guy to break anyones heart because mine was broken 2 times. I just don’t know what to do. How is this relationship is gonna look like a year or two from now.
Your advice is much appreciated
19 comments
> Today I kinda broke down after my mom and sister told me why I was dating her.
Do you have a male role model in your life? You are going to need some tough love, especially the fact that you are breaking down crying in front of your mom and sister because you are dating a chick you aren’t attracted to… You need guidance in your life.
> I keep comparing her to the girls that I used to date and been in relationships, and it’s driving me crazy.
Every woman is different. Sounds like you are doing a poor job leading the relationship and having this woman bring value to your life, which is why you are concentrating way too much on this woman’s looks. But hey, sexual attraction is indeed important. If you are not attracted to this woman, you need to end this NOW before this relationship lasts way too long and you devastate that woman’s heart (and time). It’s unfair for that woman to continue seeing you, thinking you are into her, when you are not.
It’s ultimately not going to last if you’re not sexually attracted to someone. That’s a big part of a relationship and lowering standards isn’t going to feel fulfilling. You have one life to live so it’s best to go for those that can knock your socks off.
She deserves to be with someone who genuinely wants her and is genuinely sexually attracted to her.
Please stop leading her on if you don’t find yourself attracted to her; especially after two months!
i’ve fallen for that several times. look for someone that attracts to you in both ways, otherwise it will not last. trust me.
I was dating a girl that was not my type and after few dates I was attracted to her.
I also date women that are considered ugly but as long as I like them, It doesn’t matter what the other think.
2 months is a lot for dating a woman you are not attracted to, it shouldn’t take more than a couple of weeks or you’ll risk to hurt her.
in general if you are 0 attracted to someone don’t date her at all.
If, you are somewhat attracted then date her and stop asap if you don’t see serious progress.
you should just cut your losses and break it now, also your moms an asshole
It’s called real life for ugly people man, suck it up and move on
Unless you’re into arranged marriages, I don’t see what the point of dating someone you’re not attracted to is. It’s not mean to express whether you are attracted to someone or not and move on.
Charactarizing people based on looks is not demoralizing, you can’t deny who you are and aren’t attracted to. I hate when people feel like they are being or told they are shallow if they only date people who they are physically attracted to. Physical atttaction is literally the first way we get drawn to someone. You see before you hear. Generally most people won’t date unless they actually find the person attractive. That said, I hate to say this, but you are wasting both her and your time if you continue. Chances are you will never find her attractive and both the physical and emotional bonds need to be there, or it won’t work. Without both, there will always be conflict. It is ok to not find her attractive, it’s not ok to try to force yourself to be attracted to her. You need to be honest at this point.
I’ve been in this situation before. I thought having a great personality and similar interest equates to attraction. It just means she was just very interesting and could be a really cool friend. I would try to renegotiate with her and see if you guys could just be friends. Don’t say that you’re not sexually attracted to her because that would hurt her a lot (happened to the girl I was dating at the time and I regret telling her that).
Don’t date people you aren’t attracted to. It doesn’t do anyone any good.
She deserves better. What are you going to do when you do find someone who is physically attractive to you and that you get along with? Youre going to want to leave her. You also deserve a healthy relationship so stop leading her on and stop lying to yourself.
That’s called friendship not a relationship. Don’t date someone you’re not attracted to.
Well any time I’ve tried the nofap challenge I start finding girls sexually attractive that I would’ve never looked at twice lmao so maybe try that. In all honesty tho should probably break it off cuz it’s eventually gonna eat away at you until you have a breakdown. Less messy to just let her go as kindly as possible now
How good looking you are? Lol
Not really any advice, just a random fact:
For a minute there I thought you are the guy I’m seeing right now because everything matched… except for that we have had sex already…
My heart literally began beating so fast lol.
But another thing: I have dated two guys before that I wasn’t initially attracted to and both weren’t conventionally handsome. With one I spend 5 years of my life and within a short time he was the most beautiful person alive to me.
With the other one it didn’t work out.
I think if you’re already having those doubts it’s probably best to end it now. My take is if you really liked her you wouldn’t care about her looks and would have defended her infront if your family.
Dead end road
If you’re not attracted to them, then your setting the relationship up for failure.
Sooner or later you might meet someone with the same, or similar enough personality, PLUS the physical attraction and that was it for your previous relationship.
If you don’t think she’s attractive, you’re doing no good dating her, but risk the opposite. You say it yourself in your post, you’re comparing her to previous partners.
I get you not wanting to break her heart, but a relationship is a two-way street; you’re either both feeling it, or it doesn’t work, and if it doesn’t work, to break up amicably is the lesser evil.
The alternative is you eventually finding a similar girl, personality-wise, but with the added physical attraction, and you’ll end up cheating on your GF. Which will be way worse.
There’s literally no point to this, and it seems cruel to string someone along if there’s no chemistry/sexual attraction.
At this point you certainly know whether you find her sexually appealing. If you don’t, move on don’t lead her on.