Hi Redditors <3 I (22F) am beginning to be beyond annoyed with my current boyfriend (24M) of 2.5 years.
Basically, he doesn’t do anything on his own, I did his laundry last night because he literally had no clean clothes for two weeks (I finally caved and washed them because they literally stank our room up) and had to work today. His clothes were still damp this morning which annoyed him, I got annoyed because of the same thing (the clothes being damp still), yet he consistently perceived it as me being angry with him – even though I said it wasn’t anger at him.
He kept saying that he gets to be annoyed because “his shit is fucked up”, yet I can’t be annoyed at the fact they aren’t dry (as well as the fact he easily could have avoided this by making sure his shit was together earlier than 15 minutes before he left).
He consistently says in arguments that “no one can be angry but (my name)”, even though he is angry/annoyed 5/7 days a week. Like seriously, he gets a temper over the most random things, (i.e. the dishes not being done [he could’ve done them for once], waiting for someone to walk behind his car before he can leave a parking spot, a kid calling him a name on a game, etc.)
Let me just say that I have TRIED to break up with him (we live together), the first time last December in which he had a mental breakdown and I took him back to stop the meltdown, and most recent was 3-4 days ago. The last time I went to the couch and was almost asleep when he comes out wanting to talk and solidify my choice (?), which turns into him fighting with me for 3+ hours. The fighting only ended because he talked at me until 4 AM and I was so exhausted I began to cry – I ultimately said I don’t care what happens as long as I can just please go to sleep, lo and behold I sucked it up and just went to bed with him because all I wanted at that point was to sleep.
He thinks he’s being nice during arguments, or is being nice while acting very annoyed when in reality he just is sulking like a child and treating me like a problem and when I try to say that, he says something along the lines of “why am I always treated like the bad guy?” or “i’m never allowed to be angry”, like no dude you’re A) just constantly angry and B) literally not one person said you were the bad guy.
Last thing: If I even say “this conversation is annoying I don’t want to do this with you right now” it instantly turns into “how come you can call me annoying but when I do I’m abusive?” LIKE WHAT?? First off I said our conversation is annoying and second off, the ONLY time I have ever called him abusive is when he was (committing infidelities) and actively gaslighting me.
I genuinely just need advice here.
TLDR: Boyfriend says he is never allowed to be angry or upset, but is constantly angry or upset. Girlfriend is sick of it.
7 comments
um, break up with him? i get that you tried before. by try again. make different plans to be out of the house as soon as it’s done. i get that you’re worried about his mental health. see if you can get one of his friends to be on standby for him after the break-up–but honestly, you’re not obligated. he is manipulating you (maybe not on purpose) into staying with him. based on how you’ve described him, i’m not sure that he’s healthy enough for a serious relationship right now. he sounds depressed.
Is there anywhere you can move out to while you sort out somewhere else more permanent to live. You need to end this relationship. I’ve had a look at your past posts and Jesus motherfucking Christ he’s a piece of work!
Why exactly are you still mothering this manchild?
>I have TRIED to break up with him.
No, you haven’t. Not really. Be firm this time. His feelings or reactions after that are not your problem. He is an adult and not your responsibility. If he has a mental breakdown, that’s for a therapist to handle. You are only obligated to take care of yourself.
Break up with him. Make plans to move out and do it. Don’t let his whining baby ways drag you down any longer.
He’s 24… time to be a big boy. You are 22 and too young to be putting up with this. Go live your life
So you realize you can just LEAVE, right?
There’s no formalized break-up process or ceremony you have to do, or even a conversation you need to have. One day when he’s at work, you pack up your shit and you just go.
Not even sure why you’re here asking like there’s another reasonable solution other than just leaving. His mom passing away doesn’t mean you are somehow next in line to turn him into a functioning adult. Why do that to yourself?
Throw this one back, girl – he aint ready.