Just had a talk with my gf about sex tonight. She mentioned that after I came twice and then I asked for head that it was “too much for me and not enough for her.”
I don’t agree with this mindset. I think sex should be about communicating your wants and desires as much as possible to your partner, so that both of you are satisfied.
The issue is that she hasn’t cum while we have had sex, despite us using vibrators and whatever she’d like to get her to climax. I want to satisfy her as much as possible, and will do whatever I can to make that happen. I want her to cum first. I want her to cum again if she can. Then she can do the same with me.
If my gf wants me to get her to cum multiple times, I will do so if I can and have the energy, and visa versa. But this idea where my pleasure should be stopped because she feels I’ve had my share really hurts, because all I want is for both of us to be completely satisfied.
Is she just not into me? Or what could be causing her to think that sex is an exchange rather than a cooperative act?
6 comments
>But this idea where my pleasure should be stopped because she feels I’ve had my share really hurts, because all I want is for both of us to be completely satisfied.
You’re missing the big picture here.
Her mentioning she’s not getting enough, is her telling you that she’s not completely satisfied. Which should spark a conversation about what exactly should be done to achieve that goal. You telling us what your philosophy is isnt that useful if she doesnt know about it. And if she does and issues are still occurring, then you two havent been communicating well enough.
Ita definitely cooperative, but maybe she’s feeling less that she wants equal exchange and more that she’s not feeling equal cooperation? It’s all about relationships and preferences, but personally I always go down on my previous partners and try to get them to cum before sex to make sure they’ve been satisfied and tended to. They’d also be more sensitive during the sex and hopefully get to cum again during it
Some women have a REALLY hard time reaching orgasm and its something like 90% can only orgasm from clitoral stimulation rather than penetration. That being said, did she actually SAY she wants to orgasm? If your philosophy is your partner should fulfill your desires – then it would be important to know those desires. Also, some women absolutely DONT want to be go down on – they’re far too worried about judgement to get into that ‘sexual flow state’.
Also, I don’t think its about not being into you – frankly 3 times in one session is pretty god damn demanding – shes exhausted man. Her ‘desire’ is to relax. That being said, I’ve always been turned off by partners who view ‘sex as an exchange’, so I agree somewhat with you here.
Do you go down on her?
If you want her to tell you what she wants and she’s not, you need to ask.
You sound entitled. She had sex with you, you asked for more, she told you she feels like sex is centered about your pleasures that’s her opinion and her experience and most likely she is not being satisfied so she finds it extra irritating you still ask for head after she didn’t get to orgasm the way you did. You sound like a selfish lover to be honest.
It sounds like her climaxing is more of a formality to get out of the way so you can get your pleasure fix. There’s already a disparity between your sexual needs being met and you’re pouting because you want more and shouldn’t be cut-off?
Um, bro, wtf?
Let’s try flexing some empathy instead of dick and think about what kind of pressure that places on a person. She probably feels like you’re trying to get her to the finish line only so you can run some extra laps – Can’t imagine why she’s not getting there. 🤔
You say you want to please her, so explore what brings her pleasure by listening to her verbal and non-verbal responses. You don’t think it’s fair to “stop your pleasure?” Like it’s fair you aren’t even starting hers?
Maybe get your own sex toys to get pleasure from, they don’t have any pesky feelings to get in the way.