My husband (38 m) and I (36 f) got into a stupid argument the other day, mostly over his snapping at me as soon as he came home from work, and then yelling at me a little while later which resulted in me snapping back at him. He had gone to bed early that night, and I ended up sleeping in our spare bedroom due to having an overactive bladder that night and not wanting to disturb his sleep by crawling in and out of bed every 3 minutes, he did not know my reasoning though. I woke up the next morning to texts from him saying that he thought I should go stay with my parents for a while, he didn’t thinj I was happy. I explained to him that I am, I just don’t like being yelled at especially infront of our 3 year old. I then asked if he was happy, his reply was no, then he wouldn’t respond. When he got home, I tried getting him to talk to me, tell me why he is unhappy and what I could do, he said that he told me, my leaving to stay with my parents. This got us into arguing about the day before, how he said I flew off the handle on him as soon as he got home, I asked him and what I did before he yelled at me. He thought, then brings up the nightbefore that when he had a few work friends over, one of which Britney (29ish f). He said that I had insulted her, was rude to her and that he felt so bad for her. I asked him how, he told me that I had called her a bean pole… I did no such thing. She had refered to herself as tall and lanky, I had said that I thought Ophelia, our daughter (3 f) would have her body type as she has always been tall and lanky, my husband said that he thought Ophelia might actually be taller, I said I Don’t know, I used to be alot taller then the kids my age but stopped growing at 13, she might be the same. Then the two of them started talking about some guy they work with refereing to him as a bean pole. I recannted this conversation to my husband, said I never even said the words bean pole but if I had insulted her in anyway I was sorry and did not mean to, he said I was full of it and making up excuses, and the argument escalated.
We have not talked in two days, and now I am sitting her wondering if Britney is the reason why he is unhappy, and that he might have feelings for her and its driving me up the wall. Am I over analyzing this? Was what I said insulting to her and I just don’t see it and I embarrassed him infront of his coworker? I just don’t get why he would be so defensive over another woman claiming that I said something I did not unless there was something going on there? Or why he would bring that up in an argument that had nothing to do with it just after he tells me he isn’t happy?
3 comments
Does he normally snap and yell at you? That is not acceptable. It doesn’t matter if you did call her a beanpole, he is an adult and needs to use his words if he is upset. You can also lead the way by communicating better as well instead of passive-agressively sleeping in the spare bedroom. Also, why avoid talking for two days? Try to have an adult conversation. This kind of “being difficult” conversation isn’t useful. You may want to get a couple therapist to get you both past that.
Husband sounds like a crazy drama queen who doesnt value your well being.
For arguments sake, Let’s say you did call her a “bean pole”. Does that really warrant him snapping at you (rather than talking to you about it) texting you the next morning rather than talking to you face to face like an adult, and then telling you he’s unhappy and you need to stay at your parents? I think something else may be going on or he has a thing for her. This makes no sense. You’re not over analyzing imo.