Before getting into this, I would like to acknowledge that I know this isn’t a dramatic, or uncommon issue. However, I do need to get some sort of input. I (F 20) and my girlfriend (F 20) have dated twice within the timespan of COVID. The first, 2021, for about two months, and the second, three months ago. The second is ongoing to now, and in more aspects than one, I couldn’t be happier. I love her so much, and have for years. Before we began dating again, she moved across the world to Asia, with her family, to go through with better education, something I am really proud of her for. We discussed dating after I accidentally confessed how I felt during an argument, and a month later, she asked me out officially. I was hesitant about being LD, but I’d done it before, meaning I didn’t see a major issue (I fly out to Asia to visit her, this summer.) My girlfriend works full time and overtime in a job she heavily dislikes, and I hear about it often. Because of both of our busy schedules, we call for hours and hours every Saturday. This is mainly all background. My issue is that she won’t be upfront with me, when she is upset. I know how to read her texts, and can easily tell if she isn’t feeling okay. More and more recently, her replies will be short, and seem to be annoyed by my constant talking (“ok”, “fine,” “I see”, “I guess,” being the main scope of her replies, and nothing more.) I ask her if I’m bothering her, and she will say no. She has little bursts of affection, telling me she is in love with me, but won’t say it back when I tell her, most nights. She is visibly bored when she’s with me: yawning, texting the groupchat we are in, not responding to my attempts: conversation while we call. But at the same time, she gets extremely upset if I get busy during our Saturdays. How do I get around this? I can’t tell if she actually wants me around or not. I am aware that I am a very needy girlfriend, but she used to tell me she likes it. Just when I feel like she doesn’t like me anymore, she suddenly asks me if I really won’t fall out of love with her, and tells me about how scared she is of losing me. Am I going insane over this? Am I too emotional? And if I’m not, how do I proceed, without making her feel like a bad partner? (She suffers from extreme depression, anxiety, etc.)
Edit: I also would like to add that, before we dated, she was clearly in love with another woman in our friend group, who disliked me for no apparent reason. The woman was toxic, and ended up blocking my gf, who only began paying real attention to me after they stopped talking, which is where part of my insecurities stem. I tend to wonder if I was her second / convenient choice. (However, a mutual friend, M 24, tells me that my gf would constantly talk about me to the other woman. He claims she didn’t let my gf talk about me, because it bothered her? Don’t know if this is true.)
TL;DR my girlfriend has been distant, dry, and seemingly upset lately, but won’t tell me anything, while also acting randomly affectionate right when I think she is tired of me.