This is all too messy tbh but I’m holding out for him because if it all comes out, it’d be a huge scandal.
My friend and I had a sexual relationship up until recently. I’ve repeatedly asked him if he’s got someone and he’s always said no. Recently, I moved to his city for better opportunities but we would always have sex when he comes to visit me back home. When I moved has been a rollercoaster— he’s got someone for 8 years now like???? He’s told me the girl and him aren’t exactly official???? I recently move in an apartment with him and his brother because I can’t afford a place on my own yet so I went along with it and justified everything to keep the peace around our place as we always seem to fight when the girl is brought up. (I know please don’t crucify me, I was really dumb). Took a pregnancy test for him just two weeks ago. It was negative.
Now, it seems they’re trying to work their relationship out and now he’s told me they’re official.
I’ve told him I am not comfortable to be saying hi and be buddies with his gf. But he’s been forcing me to say hi because the girl is getting all confused why I’m not friendly with her.
What do I tell him? I don’t think I will ever be comfortable. The audacity of him to even ask that is beyond me. I’ve only been able to forgive him because I don’t want to make everything awkward around the house as we are also roommates and it’s hard to find a place to move into (housing market in Toronto sucks!)
Please help
TDLR; My friend whom I had a sexual relationship with up until recently wants me to be friendly with his gf
20 comments
I think it would be easy to be friends with his girlfriend. It’s him you should be struggling to be friends with. Regardless of their “status” or whatever, another person was involved and he failed to mention it. He should have brought it up so you could have made an informed decision. Going beyond the fact that he definitely cheated on her (because again they were in some kind of relationship even if he didn’t want to label it), there’s also the safety implications. He didn’t tell you he was fucking around with somebody else which puts you and her in danger of getting STIs.
The solution to this problem is very easy and you know this as well. If you plan to become some side meat for this boy then that’s your choice.
You cut this guy off and stop allowing him to run your emotional life. This situation is toxic for you and I’m sure you know that. Just leave this situation. It’s never going to get any better for you and he has no respect for your boundaries anyway.
It’s him you should be getting funny with and now his girlfriend. He’s obviously lied to her about your relationship and now he’s rubbing your face in theirs . . . Quite literally 🙈 his girlfriend has done nothing wrong as I presume she’s completely unaware. Don’t take anything out on her. I can’t imagine she would be very happy about you staying there if she knew.
I’m really feeling sorry for his girlfriend here! She probably feels a little uncomfortable that her boyfriend has a female roommate, especially one who’s acting awkwardly around her, and I’m sure her boyfriend has assured her there’s nothing going on, but meanwhile he’s been sleeping with you for years!! I think the girlfriend should know this before she continues to waste more of her time with this guy who’s serially cheating on her. Also him sleeping with you both while playing it off like there’s no one else really shows low character. Also he’s physically risking your health and hers! The guy is toxic and I think you should remove yourself from the situation. I also think the girlfriend should know.
Next time you see his GF, just be honest with her about why you’re uncomfortable. Tell her you were sleeping with him until recently and aren’t really interested in becoming friends with his girlfriend.
The truth always comes out in the end you may aswell just tell her before she finds out some other way and she will, I was cheated on repeatedly by my ex husband and every single time I eventually found out. I always blaimed him not those girls most of them didn’t know and most of them were single anyways. I think you both should kick him out and become friends and support one another, you both have low self esteem and both need to grow. Just be honest with her, and if you think you’re the only other girl you’d be very very wrong. Best of luck but do the right thing because you don’t want karma getting you back.
Look, this guy isn’t your friend. He never was. He was a fuck buddy, and now he’s your roommate. You need to adopt a very strict ‘don’t piss where you drink’ policy from now forward. Tell him that you will be polite to his girl, but given the horribly awkward spot he put you in, you are uncomfortable being friends with a girl while he expect you to lie to her (and don’t all for that just don’t taaaaaalk about iiiiiitt bs).
If he keeps pushing it, you need to flat out say “Are you okay with her knowing you and I used to fuck and knowing how recent it was? If your answer is no, than stop pushing this.”
And you know what? Have thee correspondence over text and fucking save them incase he tries to paint you as the crazy roommate in love with him. This dude is slimy. I wouldn’t put it past him.
Plan to move and on your way or be very clear with her what happened/the timeline.
I’m not sure why it would be a “huge scandal” if (when) she finds out. But either way, she did nothing wrong and you could at least be cordial to a visitor to your home. Unless the reason is you have feelings for him? Or are you just not trying to be two-faced by being nice to her even though you’re helping her boyfriend lie about sleeping with you (and maybe others) while they were “unofficial”. Also, lol, I’m wondering if she also thought they were unofficial. For 8 years.
You should get an std test tho cause knows how many “unofficial” relationships he’s been having.
Nah… it’s his lie!! You do not have to be comfortable or speak to that girl!!! He played you both and now he wants you to suck it up and shut up!!!
Move as soon as you can. Don’t be involved. It’s probably best that way
How is he so entitleted to *you* rug sweeping his affair and playing kum-bai-yah with everyone?
You didn’t do anything wrong, he did. He can pick up his own mess.
Look, you found out he had a girlfriend a year ago, then continued to sleep with him, then moved in with him. All while knowing he had a Gf. This wasn’t a sudden revelation.
You both sound toxic tbh. What were you really expecting?
You still moved on with him. And tbh Id bet you actually new he had someone. The audacity of you to move in with someone else boyfriend that you have been sleeping with? You should tell the girlfriend. Right I front of everyone out on the open and take accountability for your own part in this mess. But remember that she is the one being hurt and you two are the a holes.
tell him that if he doesnt want to explain the weirdness to her then he needs to stop trying to force you to be her friend. hes making himself look suspicious by forcing hellos and a friendship.
Usually I go on here to give terrible advice but tbh that’s fuxked and I don’t think you need to be kind to her
Take responsibility for your choices and actions. This is the #1 reason men shit on us. Because some girls like you want to take zero accountability and give the rest of us a terrible rap. You knew about her a year ago, but still moved in with him and took a pregnancy test for him two weeks ago.
If I was on your place I would tell his girlfriend that you and him had sexual relationships. And let them decide what to do.
You don’t need to force yourself to be friendly with her only because he is comfortable with it. You need to think about yourself first.
That poor gf. And you guys are just gonna leave her completely ignorant to who she’s giving all these years of her life to. 8 years is a long time to waste with a guy you don’t know is a cheating asshole. And you wanna make her waste god knows how many more because telling her would be awkward for you. So sad.