Last week, my gf (18F) and I (18M) mutually decided to break up (going on 5 months together). While I say this was a mutual thing, I still had all of my feelings of love and attraction, but when she admitted that she was no longer physically attracted to me, I knew it needed to end. The whole situation is very complicated, but I’ll try to keep it short. My gf believes that outside factors caused so much stress in her life and she thinks that it caused her to lose physical attraction to me. She recently moved back into her childhood home which brought forth a lot of trauma, and she has a rough home life with her parents to begin with. She kept on trying to convince herself that not wanting to be as physical was just her getting comfortable around me, but an argument we had about it led her to sit back and ponder her feelings. The night we broke up, she was a mess just like I was. She said that she is madly in love with me emotionally and intellectually, but for some reason when I hug her or kiss her or anything of the sort, her body now says no. She admitted that she’s been confused and frustrated over this for months now, which has put an even bigger strain on the relationship. When we ended things she said that she wants to take time to get her life together, but she truly believes that her attraction will come back and we can start over. One week later and I still don’t know how to process it all. On the one hand, I love her to fucking death and want my future to be with her. On the other hand, I’m not sure if banking on her attraction magically coming back is healthy for me. This was my first relationship so I really don’t know if what she’s saying about outside stress causing her to lose feelings is true. And if it is, can those feelings come back in a better situation? I feel stuck in a purgatory because as much as I hope that her feelings come back, I find it just as likely that she catches feelings for another guy and moves on, even if her intentions right now are to fix herself for the sake of us.
TL;DR My gf lost physical attraction to me, but claims to still love me. Is it worth waiting for those feelings to come back in the right situation if I am really in love with her?
1 comment
I personally don’t believe in soulmates, or the perfect person. Thousands of different potential partners scale in adaptibility in regards to relationships. You are both 18. A lot of personal growth are in store for both of you. A lot of change. Your brain hasn’t been fully formed yet. Her’s a little farther long the way but it is still cooking in there. Assuming that you are going to be going to college or moving away or something, you will grow a lot through that especially. This may be hard to hear but she will probably be getting involved with other people soon. It is just easier for women, especially at this age. She will date around, explore her options. Especially if she goes to college. My best advice is to you is to not wait up. Move on. There will always be women. Focus on learning a skill or a trade. Improve your finances. Hit the gym. Develop a routine and consistency. Put money away. I feel for you and it hurts. I thought my world was ending when my girlfriend cheated on me and broke up with me when I was 18. It took a year to get over it. But I learned over the next eight years that none of that matters. I have already decided I will never marry. Still interested in long term monogamy but I am not in a place to entertain that now. I am playing catch up on improving myself due to years of being distracted by women, drinking too much, and working a ball busting job that demanded 80 hours a week routinely. You have a lot of growth and experiences to get through. You will be a different man when you are 25. Also, you can’t negotiate attraction. If she ain’t into you, move on. Don’t wait up for her. Don’t send her messages constantly, giving her attention. It’s harsh but it is the reality of it.