I (M29) manuvered myself into a complicated situation with my co-worker (F34) and I’m in need of an outside perspective

Well, sh**, how to begin?

She’s been my co-worker for roughly 3,5 years and we’ve been texting regularly for about 2,5 – 3 years. Mostly about work, food, sports or TV shows, so nothing too deep or serious. We’ve been through tough periods at the company and we both highly respect each other. I also found her attractive (well she is by conventional standards) but my credo was no feelings for a co-workers. I bet now you know how this might be going, but a bit if context is necessary:

During early summer she got promoted and we had a little dispute over an issue at work. Luckily we were able to sort it out shortly afterwards and I noticed that she had a lot on her plate and I offered helping if it was something I could help with. Even if that includes listening to a rant about the company. A week or more passed, and surprisingly she took my offer and we met at a local pizzeria. We talked a lot, not all about work, and both enjoyed it. Afterwards we went to my flat because I make good coffee and she was curious if it was true. The evening continued, we opened a bottle of wine and I got to see a new side of her as previously we hadn’t met in private without any co-workers.

A few days later she also told me that she thoroughly enjoyed the evening and that accepting my offer provided an opportunity to get to know me better as she was never able to really know what I was thinking despite our time at the company.

Well, for most of the time that was certainly true because I kept everyone at arm’s length due to a death of a close family member 4 years ago and the subsequent fallout turned my life into hell for the next 2,5 years or so and I’ve only really come to terms with everything that had happened a bit over a year ago. Since that point in time a year ago I got a new flat, discovered two new hobbies/passions, started working out and I finally (with the help of a few close people dear to my heart) could start to “reassemble” myself for the lack of better words.

Back to this year, late summer. We continued texting regularly, she told me a bit more personal stuff and vice-versa, we again met for dinner, coffee and wine and nothing else happened. Writing continued, we went to a museum together, she also started going to the same gym. I showed her a few exercises and how to correctly do them, but that was only twice and since then our schedules kinda got in the way. We texted, she told me she had a feeling that she finally was able to peel off a few of my protective layers and I told her she was correct.

Ok. Well, now comes the interesting part: We went to the same pizzeria, afterwards coffee and wine and I offered to watch an NFL game she hadn’t seen. As we watched she (at least for me) unexpectedly leaned against me and I put my arm around her. We failed to fall asleep on the couch side by side and she told me she was frustrated as she couldn’t really read my thoughts on her. Well, I thought I could wiggle myself out of this situation (I should have in retrospect) and I asked her if I could show her instead. We kissed passionately for I don’t know how long. I was surprised she returned the favor and then she told me she has been into me for well over two years. That was a huge surprise to me (honest to god) and I told her so. I also said that if she had asked me out over a year ago, due to my personal stuff (death of family member) largely unresolved I probably would have declined anyway. Well, another huge surprise followed because she told me that she has had an ongoing relationship with a co-worker for over half a year and my inward reaction to that was “oh shit”, I wasn’t sure what to say immediately afterwards. She also told me I was the one she talked to most often and that she was afraid to lose me now.

To clarify: If I had known that she was in an ongoing relationship, I wouldn’t have kissed her. There’s absolutely no way and I regret doing so now.

So yeah, “it’s complicated” as relationship status would be fitting, at least for her. As for me, no hard feelings against the co-worker, it is what it is, and I don’t know if I even want a relationship. Could I imagine one? Guess so, but as I have only started getting to know her recently, I didn’t want to rush things. I don’t want to pressure her to choose between him and me and we agreed that I will tell her why I felt unable to open up or didn’t see her signs for over 1,5 years. According to her it was so obvious but I’m a dense dude, my head wasn’t in the right place and I never really entertained the thought because I didn’t want to make things complicated.

Tl;dr: Co-worker was into me for over two years, I had to deal with personal stuff (death and grieving, I haven’t told her yet about that stuff) at the time. We got to know each other better over the summer, and this weekend I thought I’d go for it as she asked about how I felt about her. We kissed and laid next to each other under the same blanket for a long time, in the morning she told me she’s been dating another co-worker for over 6 six months. Kinda bummed out about it and I don’t know how to make things not super awkward from now on.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: Rewrote some passages due to spelling errors and to be a bit more concise.