My boyfriend was sexting his ex

In February of this year I met a man who I had insane chemistry with. We made out the night we met knowing it was wrong because he had a 10 year girlfriend, but I thought it was a one time thing. He kept pursuing me after that night and I tried to stay away, but then he admitted he was in an open relationship with his gf. I thought it was sus he hadn’t brought it up when we met so I told him that he needed to show me proof of it, which he did. I really was fighting against my want to sleep with him but when he showed me the screenshots from his gf saying she knew about me, I thought “what’s the worse that can happen?”

Well… in a shocking turn of events, I fell in love with him. So hard and so fast. I didn’t act on my feelings and tried to keep our hook ups just physical, but it was clear that he also had feelings for me. This fucked me up because we saw each other for two months and every time he would leave me to go back to his gf. After two months in May I had enough so I “broke up” with him.

A week after I broke up with him he told me he broke up his ten year relationship. I was shocked, I didn’t think he would actually do it. He said it wasn’t entirely over me, that the relationship had been stale for a while and that they mutually stayed with each other more because of how long and well they knew each other. I tried to remain calm and not just jump into a new relationship with him, he had to mourn those ten years. So it was perfect that two weeks after he told me about it, I was going to my home country to visit for a month. I thought the space would be good for us before deciding if we wanted to start dating.

During those two weeks, while I was away and when I came back: this man treated me like a princess. He said he just felt guilty for hurting me while he was still with his ex so he wanted to make up for the lost time. I was so in love with him, I thought I found the most wonderful guy and what we had was beautiful. We spend most of our nights together. My flatmates love him, all my friends love him, my family knows about him.

For our relationship I made it clear that I had no desire to see anyone else. He told me he felt the same way. I would ask him if he still talked with his ex sometimes, I wouldn’t have thought anything weird of it because ten years is a long time to then never speak to someone again. He said they didn’t.

A Sunday in October we found out i was pregnant. I took this really hard because I’m 22, a recent uni graduate who is still a bartender and trying to figure out what I want career wise. A baby is not what I need right now. My bf (28) said we would deal with it however I wanted, I told him I wanted to terminate the pregnancy and he supported me.

I haven’t had the abortion yet because it’s early in the pregnancy so I booked the appointment a week in advanced. I’ve been so down and emotional this week and he was so great just being there for me and trying to comfort me.

Well….

On Saturday we were doing a Uber Eats and movie night. He fell asleep and after some time I grabbed his phone. I don’t actually know what I was looking for, I’d never done that before, but I certainly found it… He had been sexting his ex gf for months. At least three months. And had even done it that week that I was struggling with being pregnant. I was shocked. The messages were so sexual. We had such a good sex life it never crossed my mind he would need to find other ways to “release”.

I confronted him. He was shocked. He felt guilty because I caught him. He promised me it was just the texting, that they hadn’t actually done anything in person. I felt so angry and betrayed I broke up with him on the spot and kicked him out of my house. I told him not to worry about the abortion, that I would deal with it alone.

I’m devastated. I feel so betrayed and lied to. We had a great sex life and now I feel like an inadequate idiot. He’s pleeding his case saying he made a huge mistake, that it was a “dreamlike” bad habit that they had. He says he would never do it again because he’s happier with me than he’s been in years. I find that hard to believe if he was doing this on the side.

It hurts more because it feels so out of the blue. If I hadn’t seen those messages I would’ve kept on thinking that I was in the best relationship of my life. He treated me SO well but was doing this too. I can’t believe it. I want to remain broken up and yet, I can’t believe it’s over.

Do I make it stay over or do I listen to what he has to say?