I (32M) Have been in an LDR with a woman for over a year. Thing is, the relationship has been pretty undefined for most of that. I fell for her almost immediately, but she’s very cautious and slow to decide. We agreed to “take a year off” for mental health because the emotional tumult was getting too stressful for her (and me, though I was too infatuated to see it). She messaged me early, though, last October. We started dating a month or two after, but broke up after around three months because it didn’t feel right to her.
We’re incredibly intimate emotionally and, when one has visited the other, physically. We haven’t “done the deed” yet, but she’s basically said it will happen. We’re even planning on one or both of us moving close to one another, and quite possibly living together eventually.
I’m probably still in love with her, but I try not to focus on it because she’s said she’s not with me. I want to have sex with her in the future, but I feel like it might be hard to see it as a FWB thing and not an act of (romantic/erotic) love. Can anyone help me get in a good headspace for the nature of our relationship, please?
TL;DR I’m in love with a gal, and we’ll likely cohabit eventually, but she sees me as an intimate friend. How do I get my head around our relationship, especially when it comes to (eventual) sex?
3 comments
I hate to tell you something you already know, other than shaking you violently, you’re not and never will be in a relationship with this woman.
You were taking online, then you were to take a whole year off (wtf?), and then she messages you early, breaks up with you *again* a few months later…all the while she says she takes things slowly (I guess on a galactic level of slow) and you outright say she has said you’re not together.
Everything you’ve said that could happen with you two is in the nebulous future. You’re being led on by this woman. I think you need to stop worrying about what will happen in the future and instead work on being present…now. Focus on your friends and family. Find a new hobby and make connections where you are *now* and quit wasting your emotional time and energy on this person.
It was undefined from the beginning and it will remain undefined because this woman has already said it’s not a relationship.
You cant get in the headspace for the relationship because the relationship is very unclear and doesnt make sense. Its FWB, non-romantic, but you’re going to move to be closer to eachother? You might move in together? Its casual, but you’re emotionally intimate? None of it makes sense.
A FWB with lots of emotional intimacy is… a romantic relationship. Sorry.
It sounds like shes just not that into you honestly. I would decide what you value more: the emotional or physical intimacy, and then just tell her you want to have one of them like either you’re close friends who don’t have sex, or youre FWB and you need to dial back the emotional intimacy.
Alternatively, maybe theres a relationship label that would work for her and you – maybe youre in a relationship but you’re poly or open? Finding a label that works might help you both parse this all emotionally.
However, again, it doesnt sound like shes that into you. She might just enjoy the flattery of you being infatuated with her and keeps you on a string so she doesn’t lose that. I suspect if you continue how you are she will ditch you when she finds a prospective romantic partner that she is intetested in.
So you lover her.
You’re very emotionally close
You’re physically close yet no sex
You were together but broke up but keep extremely close friendship
You both acknowledge you will have sex
You will move in together
Yet you are not boyfriend- girlfirend?
Im hella confused. I think both of. Ou are also confused. I also think someone meeds to take the lead and form this into a relationship of some sort with defined right snd wrongs so both of you can feel a sense of safety snd she won’t be the one doing this. It’s been enough time of tiptoing around if you even want to be living together.