She says she feels I am not going to be able to carry my end of the relationship and she has doubts going forward, now that we out of the honeymoon phase she says.
Because of my autism I cannot read a lot of ques or problems the same way. I don’t want to loose her though, if I am the right person for her, so is there anything I can do to help prove her wrong in a sense?
Thank you very much for any advice on this! I really appreciate it!
4 comments
I think the best thing you can do is continue to communicate with her and do your best to show her that you care about her. Show her that you can carry your end of the relationship. Ask her to help you understand what doubts she has. Like what do you do that makes her believe you can’t hold your weight. And what you could to help relieve her of those doubts and continue building the connection between you two. And maybe try helping her understand how to understand *you* as an individual better. The only way I see it working out is if she is willing to communicate and work with you equally to improve your relationship together. You might be the right person for her, but it sounds like she might not be the right person for you if she is not willing to accept you for who you are. I wish you the best!
Sounds like her mind is made up.
The ‘honeymoon’ period is basically like the probation period at work. You’re in it for a set amount of time to figure out if this ‘relationship’ has any legs. If it doesn’t, better to cut ties than to waste each other’s time.
Assuming you want to continue:
1. You need to learn how to pick up as many social cues as you can and discuss what you’re doing to be better
2. Explain that despite your efforts, it would be helpful if she could be more explicit than her default communication.
3. Since you mentioned memory issues in another reply, take notes however it’s useful to you and reference them frequently. You need to be organized and independent.
Fast edit: number 1&3 is something you should do regardless of this relationship. 2 is a conversation you should have with future partners when it’s relevant (see #1) or after 3-6months if it’s getting serious. If you do well on #1, #2 becomes redundant.
I honestly dont believe in the honeymoon phase. Never experienced it. But I’m more in love with my partner every day after 5 years and she says the same.
Sure we hit a few rough patches but that’s when you put a hold on everything else, sit down face to face and be fully honest about what’s bothering you. If both wanna continue being in the relationship you work on it together, and support eachother.
Now it sounds like she might’ve made up her mind based on prejudice or gleaming something she feels is overbearing. Regardless I think you should ask for a sitdown a few hours. Ask her for details without being angry, write em down so you remember them and let her finish.
Then adress her concerns. Hopefully this shows her you’re serious about it and can help give you another shot.
However.. Don’t let her hound you mate, if it becomes down right hurtful and mean get out and count your blessings. Nobody should shame you for being high-functioning on the spectrum.