🔴Wife 44 F wants OPEN Marriage and has found another man attractive

46 comments

1. I think you should divorce her and let her be single. Right now she wants to have her flungs and force you to finance her lifestyle and give her stability.

   I say to hell with that, let her figure herself out solo.

2. Sorry but her just bringing this up is the end of the relationship.

   And from personal experience I would say there is a high probability that she has been cheating already and wants you to greenlight it so she doesn’t feel guilty.

   I should have filed for D the second my wife said anything about opening the marriage

3. There is a very big difference between finding someone other than your spouse attractive, and wanting to open your marriage because of said person.

   I would not trust anything she is telling you at the moment other than the fact she has already raised being intimate with him.

4. I think you should read up on open relationships or if it’s definitely a no go, say no.

   There’s a strain of “if your partner ever says anything other than that she’s 100% devoted to you you should dump her” on reddit. I think it’s ridiculous to expect them never to be attracted to another person. So I think someone bringing this up is a positive sign. The alternative is them hiding it from you, and at least she isn’t doing that (that you know of). I think honest communication is always good.

   There are 1000 shades of grey in between monogamous and full polyamory. You can either find something you can both agree on, or one of you gives in to the other, or you split up. You get to decide.

5. She says this man has no idea she finds him attractive and would want to do it with him.

6. She also is erasing texts between her and this older guy

7. You mean she’s asking you for permission to screw Jerry from the office (who is probably married, himself.)

   Your wife sounds dumb as a post. Ask her when she started becoming a walking blonde joke. Tell her she needs to start taking more responsibility in her life and start setting boundaries. You’re finding it hard to view her with respect at the moment and you’re tempted to start treating her like an insecure 15 years old girl. Ask her how are you supposed to trust her to take care of shit when you’re not around if she’s terrified to set boundaries between her job and her personal life.

8. You aren’t having intimacy now, because you are refraining from it and she wants it OR is it because she’s refraining from it and you want it?

   If it’s the second case, then she would rather want to have just physical intimacy with him but not with you? She’s already attracted to this person, what makes you believe that there won’t be any emotional connection? I think she’s lying to you or at least trickle truthing you.

   Get professional help for sure, but don’t bother with marriage counseling just yet, you both need to do individual therapy first to see how you feel and how to deal with it, before even sitting in front of a couple’s counselor.

   As someone else mentioned here, I fear that this is the beginning of the end of the relationship.

9. It’s already over. She has already cheated on you. She is unloading her filthy guilt on you. Sorry dude. Well, she can now be free to be the local cum dumpster

   End it. Or draw a line saying no. Don’t get sucked into the bullshit. Your wife is being fed a line of bullshit (most likely a coworker) that open marriages are healthy. You already know that even if you are not comfortable with it she is still going to cheat on you behind your back. (If she hasn’t already) The ploy of convincing you this is healthy relieves her of guilt to fuck any guy she wants. If that’s what she want have her make a decision, a healthy marriage or random dick and her self attitude toward her marriage. (Say it nicely) Draw boundaries!! If she says ok. Eagle eyes her behavior because something tells she already fucked this dude and want to get your permission to continue

   Remember she is spinning a narrative for you. You keep saying “she said.” Don’t take the word of a person who is actively trying to convince you to let her cheat. She is weaving a web to make you look like the bad guy in the end. It’s so outlandishly absurd

10. People who want open relationships start with that idea then find people who are interested in that. They also continue to be intimate with all of their partners.

    ​

    Ceasing being intimate and then being tempted to cheat and then asking for an open relationship is just breaking up really really slowly with as much pain and drama as possible.

11. Well I don’t know what to tell you other than, i think that you have to start thinking in the state of the relationship.

    I just don’t jump inmediatly to the cheating, even if I honest, can be the case.

    So are others signs? is she keeping secrets? Is she texting or calling more that usual? She changed how she dress, hair or weight?

    Let just assume the positive in this question. I do think that a therapist will help you in trying divorce in the most painless way possible. I would talk to a lawyer to protect your assets. Don’t yell, don’t fight right now.If you can take a break, go talk with friends and family (not necessarily about this, but just look for support). Give yourself a breather.

    I would if i can invest in a PI

    Sorry I hope is not the worst

12. So your marriage is reaching the end of it’s life and for that you have our condolences.

    Your best option is to retain a lawyer and start preparing the groundwork for your upcoming divorce because as soon as one partner asks for an open marriage the marriage is basically at an end.

    So as to your wifes request, just be open (no pun intended) and thank her for coming to you first instead of just going ahead and cheating on you but that no you are not willing to enter into a open marriage. However, once you file for divorce she will be free to pursue this young gentleman to her hearts content and that if you can both agree to split everything amicably, then the sooner you can both move on.

    Again, I’m so sorry that you are in this position but for you it’s best in the long term that you go your separate ways.

    So speak to her about how the divorce will work, what co-parenting will look like and how you can both amicably do the financials, etc. Keep it calm and be understanding but in all honesty, there is now no point in remaining married to her.

13. sounds like a midlife crisis!! Either you are in or out.

14. 1. Having issues.
    2. No intimacy.
    3. She’s looking elsewhere.
    4. Ya done! 🤷🏾‍♀️

15. Get a good nights rest and focus on your impending divorce.

16. UpdateMe!

17. Okay lads, this type of question seems to get asked often here, so here is the actual answer.

    If your female partner asks for an open relationship, 99% of the time, it’s because she has someone specific in mind, she’s attracted to him, more attracted to him than you, and she wants to see if that guy will have her before leaving you. You’re the safety net.

    Female sexuality is very different to male sexuality. If they want to have sex with a man, they are not only sexually attracted to the man, but also emotionally.

    Women will say “that’s not always the case”, because yes, there are very rare cases where this isn’t true, but it is NOT the norm.

    Ladies, if you disagree, think of “him”.

18. Updateme!

19. Its over the moment she asks for another man’s dk. You need a lawyer & a divorce.

20. Are you in a monogamous relationship? Are you open to opening the relationship to Include others? What does that look like? What are the rules once open? Are you curious about opening the relationship? Only you can answer those questions ***HOWEVER***, if I were in your shoes, I would tell my husband, our marriage is over the day you cheat or you force an open marriage.

21. Open marriages have a very low, like 5% success rate because one partner generally gets attracted to someone else and leaves. I think she wants to cheat and is using this as an excuse to do so. Definitely start therapy and kibosh the whole open marriage thing. You have to set strong boundaries to be OK with that lifestyle. One partner can’t just find someone attractive and announce that’s what they want. It takes a considerable amount of discussion before even starting to pick someone, followed by rule setting, boundaries, expectations and then finding other partners. If you jump right in might as well just file for divorce because your marriage will crash and burn.

22. If you two aren’t having intimacy, she should work on fixing that first, not be intimate with someone else instead. You’re her husband and should come first, she made a vow to you. Open marriages are already difficult to maintain and she wants to have one when there is already no intimacy in her marriage?

23. Looking at your post history. Divorce is the only solution.

24. If your wife got bored and then wanted to open the relationship, and after deciding that then incidentally found the other man, I can still see some sense in it.

    However, she first found the other man, and then wanted to open the relationship. This is totally uncool (at least that’s what it seems from your responses).

    “She promised not to do anything with this person”. Again, her promises are just white lies to avoid embarrassment however she has already slept with men other than you, and has already picked the preferred one from that bunch.

    Please take the advice others have given here: File for divorce and cut your losses. The more you delay it, the more painful it will become for you. Please remember – you have the option of not dealing with her anymore, get rid of her because there is no love or respect here anymore.

25. I have a sincere and real question for all the people saying that the relationship is dead bc of her request / advising to divorce straight away : could you please indicate the country you are from?

    It’s really strange because in mine, most people would not be happy about it but the mere request would not necessarily be a cause for break up since it would be considered honesty and transparency in some cases . So I am really curious of what are the reasons?

26. Let her know that you will file for divorce, and she can be as open as she likes.

27. All she wants is your permission to cheat. So that it can’t be called cheating.

    This is a hill to die on. Tell her the answer is “NO”. If she goes forward and does something it’s cheating. Allowing this will be the end of your marriage, if it isn’t finished already. At this point you may as well start looking for a lawyer. Especially, as she wants to have sex with him, but your bedroom is dead.

    Good luck.

28. You don’t do open marriages to fix a relationship. You have to have a secure relationship to start with when opening it.

29. She asked for open marriage. The question is do you agree with open marriage or not.

    If you agree, it doesnt matter who it is.
    If you don’t agree, you might want to consider next step.

30. She just wanted to be with another man without looking like she cheated or something. She just wanted to come out clean

31. OP, you need a serious wake up call, because you’re focusing on the wrong things. Whether she has already cheated or not is immaterial (although frankly the deleted texts are damning. She is 100% at least emotionally cheating on you with the older guy, though it’s possible there actually is a younger guy she’s been eyeing as well). The crucial fact is this: she’s given up on you. She is no longer attracted to you. Can professional help change that? Maybe. Is she really interested in doing the hard work that would be necessary? Doubtful – look at how she’s laid the groundwork for taking the easy way out of your marital problems. Your wife is unique; the situation is not. Please listen to those who have already been through this and prepare for the worst.

32. The correct title of this post would be, “Wife 44F wants to CHEAT, and is looking for my permission to bang the dude she’s looking to replace me with.”

33. I’ll back everyone else here that’s said she’s already been there. Don’t tell her you’re filing for divorce though she will lawyer up and take everything. You need to hire a PI and get the texts she’s been deleting. She wouldn’t delete it if didn’t have anything to hide. Depending on where you live adultery will make her claim null in court (I hope you don’t live in Australia).

34. If it was me…. I woukd leave. I eould not stay married to someone who fuck others. I dont c a re if it’s behind my back ore they asked for premission.

    If I am not enough the relationship is nothing.

    But thats me!

35. Tell her open marriage is unacceptable. The toothpaste is not going back in the tube here, you’ll never trust her again. If you want to land a shot, say to her you’ve lost all attraction to her 44 yr old ass.

    Get this woman out of your life.

    Tell her parents and family your wife asked for an open marriage, and so you are divorcing her.

    Sorry man this happened to you, your marriage is over. You stay in it, expect a cheating wife. And either becoming her parole officer chasing after her to behave, or, a one-sided open marriage where she cheats on you.

36. There’s an open relationship question here at least once a week. So here is the issue:

    If she brings it up, you need to listen very carefully to who she says she’s attracted to and what she has or hasn’t done. There’s a good chance that she’s lying and has already engaged in risky behaviour but is trying to drip feed you the truth to see how much you can handle.

    You’re left with 3 options essentially:

    – Make it clear that you would not like to pursue an open relationship and you would prefer to work on the marriage as a monogamous couple.

    – Divorce (Which is probably where this is headed)

    – Try the open relationship. If you do go down this route, you need to establish firm boundaries like no bringing partners back to the house or bringing that person around your kids etc. What’s interesting about this option is that you’re going see what her reaction is when you get a girlfriend on the side too. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know about what her intentions were from the beginning.

37. Just divorce her man!

38. You shouldn’t open a relationship because you’re having problems or find someone else attractive. It should actually be the exact opposite.

39. I saw your previous post, your wife has pretty close “friendship” with her 61 yr old coworker, it seems that she likes the attention that he’s giving her, though she was not really hiding it from you and you express your concern about it.. There’s a big chance that your wife started to develop an attraction to him or want to explore this new feelings thus asking for the open marriage… This is a major red🚩 for her to consider this, she might already be on emotional affair with this guy, now basically she want to transition it to physical affair guilt free, in the guise of open relationship.

40. Unfortunately this is very simple, You may still love her but you have to kick her to the kerb. As soon as those two words are spewed forth it is DONE! OVER!
    I’m sorry but that is the reality and the sooner you remove her from your life the less pain you will feel.
    There’s no coming back from this cause she’s gonna do it or is doing it already regardless.

41. She’s basically saying I want to cheat, but you to buy into the idea first, so when it blows up she can throw it back in your face.

    Just get the divorce bro and save yourself the heartache of watching someone else pound her.

42. Why is his live-in GF moving out? Did she discover something, perhaps?

43. Good Grief! What is it with women in their 40s willing to press the self destruct button on long term relationships??? I’m really sorry for what you are going through, but this doesn’t look good. She is looking for a way to play around but still have the safety of you, house etc. I found out that my wife had played away and that was a red line for me.

44. If you are not into an open marriage you should give her a hard no on that. Allowing her to engage like that with another man while you are both going through a rough patch in your marriage will soon it for sure, rather than the 2% chance of fixing it. I say two percent because she already admits to a wandering eye and is looking to you for a free pass to cheat on you with them.

45. Open relationship 101. You don’t open up for a certain person. You open up because both partners are 100% on board with wanting to do it to add to their relationship.

    She is asking for permission to have an affair under the false pretense of being open. Tell her no, try and fix what is broken or just let her go.

46. Get a divorce