I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit for this, and if not feel free to point me in the direction where I might be able to get some advice.
I (20F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for a few months now. We have tried to have sex on a few occasions but ultimately it has never worked out.
I should preface by saying I’m a virgin and I do not have a high sex drive at all. Whenever we attempt penetration I physically cannot get it in, I cannot get beyond one finger in either. The pain is nearly unbearable for me which causes me to freak out.
The pain isn’t that much of an issue as I know some people have that problem, and we could always do things that are nonpenetrating, except whenever we do absolutely anything sexual I end up freaking out one way or another. I physically shake, get close to tears, and feel utter shame and guilt whenever this happens. I have not gotten any enjoyment whenever we have been intimate, and I feel insanely guilty for that.
I’m really not sure what to do at this point, I want to like sex and I want to find enjoyment out of it, but every time we try anything I get more turned off by the idea of it. Any advice on what to do?
2 comments
Do you understand where some of that shame or guilt come from? I can completely understand where it could come from especially if you’ve grown up in a modest or conservative home. But it’s the part where you’re physically shaking and in tears from just the thought of penetration that has me concerned. Nerves and anxiety are one thing, straight up fear and terror are completely different however.
You need therapy. You’re young and looking to have your first experience… It’s better to tackle this problem safely with the help of a qualified professional rather than trying to push yourself through it.