My libido is very dependent on my partner.. help!

I rarely masturbate on my own. When I’m single I can go months without it. When I do it I stop pretty quickly and I’ve never orgasmed from masturbation. But when I’m in a relationship and/or have a deep emotional connection to someone, I want to have sex with them on a regular basis. If I feel loved and connected, I want it every day or even twice a day. When I don’t, my libido decreases. Once I feel horny though, I need my partner to reciprocate the feeling, otherwise I start to feel ashamed and/or the feeling just dies. Most of the time when I want sex it is to connect with him on a deeper level or express my love to him. I think it doesn’t always have to be dirty or atleast it can start with some intimacy.

Today I had an erotic dream, it was the first in a while. I told my long distance boyfriend about it but he was busy. In the evening he was tired but I tried initiating some dirty talk, and he did try to respond. He said he wants to “use me” because he knows I’m into that when I’m really lusting after him. But if I’m not completely horny in the first place it’s a turn off for me. He fell asleep soon after and I’m lying here wondering if he ever wants to sleep with me because of love or intimacy. When we meet, foreplay isn’t very long, he rarely ever touches my body lovingly, it feels rather mechanical. After he comes (which is rather quickly) I’m left unsatisfied most of the time because he’s exhausted. I try to go out of my way to give him a good time but I can’t help but start to feel a little unhappy. We’re both inexperienced. He said sexual incompatibility is a dealbreaker for him.
What can I do about this situation?