Can men “starfish” women?

33 comments

1. Yes. If the guy lays on the bed and doesn’t do anything. Followed by the woman doing everything. That’s basically the male version of starfishing.

2. My nan is a starfish. We both refuse to move at this point.

3. What is “starfishing”?

4. Yes, sort of. The orgasm gap is a thing. I think the male equivalent of being a starfish is just using us as a fleshlight with no touching or kissing or talk or feeling of care and intimacy before rolling over and going to sleep.

5. Guys being totally silent is kinda the equivalent.

6. Sorry virgin here, what’s starfish?

7. Yes they can definitely

8. I think bad sex looks different for men typically (for PIV sex). Whereas low/no activity is characterized as bad for women, for men a quick spurt of activity lacking finesse. That’s why you hear about guys lasting 3 minutes or whatever because they are just sprinting to the finish line.

   I think men are also on average less expressive vocally but I wouldn’t say that’s the same.

9. What does starfish mean???…

10. Yes. One of my worst sexual experience was a dude who literally laid there. I ended up cutting it short.

11. Men absolutely do starfish. In my experience (realised I was a lesbian but I have had sex with men that wasn’t without enjoyment) and stories I’ve heard from straight friends, it’s usually the ones with fairly big dicks who show up with the attitude of ‘I brought the dick, you supply everything else’
    There’s something to be said for laying back and enjoying it, but there’s also the ones who will just lay there and expect you to go full gymnast/bullrider/contortionist. I think sometimes they might be focusing on trying not to nut, but sometimes it’s like they are experiencing the sex through VR instead of in reality? Idk maybe that’s just dudes who watch way too much porn and then try to have sex with a real live person, maybe they forget they need to be a part of it?

12. yeah men can be lazy in bed. same premise

13. Okay I’m sorry, this is going to sound incredibly naive but starfish does not mean you sleep like a crazy person in bed??? 😅

14. Yes, if they expect you to do all the work (riding, blowjobs, handjobs, etc) and don’t reciprocate (thrusting, eating pussy, fingering etc) then they are starfish.

15. Yes but there’s six arms

16. yes. has happened to me… pillow princess mfr

17. I feel like a Man being silent/not vocally expressive in any type of way during intercourse can be considered “Starfishing”

18. My ex was a lazy slob, he’d thrust for a few seconds then be like babe get on top. He was also so out of shape he couldn’t walk for 20mins without spending the rest of the day in bed.

19. Sure. Had a stint where my guy would hop in bed and look at me expectantly. I did all the foreplay, gave him a blow job, and then usually ended up riding him. It got old fast lol.

20. Not sure there is. I guess the only kinda comparison is if he just pumps, cums and leaves. So he got his but didn’t give a shit about the woman’s pleasure.

21. Yes, sure they can. Is it healthy in a relationship? Ehh, depends on your communication outside of bed. Me and my gf had some troubles voicing our opinions in bed at the start, but we grew out of it. Although it has never been to the point of not doing anything.
    If your boyfriend’s behaviour troubles you, talk to him about it. He might be shy, self aware and lots of other things. Maybe blindfold yourself so he can have this knowledge of not being watched? I love to look at my gf during sex, but there are moments when she will turn away, shameful of her pleasure faces. Which I find adorable and sexy as all hells. But we talk about it and we work on our problems.

22. yeah we can. I’ve done it on purpose. I was dating a girl who was incredibly lazy in bed. She told me when we started dating that she was super submissive. Turns out this meant she wanted me to do literally everything while she barely reciprocated.

    So anyways, one night after the bar we came home a wee bit drunk and I laid down on her bed and started to doze off. I was awoken by her blowing me, with pauses to complain about having to make an effort. So I was like, fine if that’s how it is you can work for it. So i pretended to still be asleep. Plus, I wanted to enjoy her taking the lead for once. It feels nice to feel so desired by someone that they have to (consensually) have you. After she’d rode me for a minute or two though I woke all the way up and took over. I just don’t have it in me to be that boring or lazy in bed for long.

23. Yep my bf just lays on his back I do all the work then he falls asleep when he finishes

24. Sure they can. It just means they let the woman do all the work, while simultaneously also not giving her the satisfaction of seeing/hearing him experiencing pleasure. But at some point it’s suddenly just over because he cums, quietly. Key difference, the guy still usually cums in this scenario, the woman not necessarily.

    Really anyone can be a starfish, and I think often insecurity and being too self-conscious and inside your own head plays a strong factor.

25. Guys that just lay there while you’re doing all the work on top 😒. Why even bother wanting to have sex if you’re not willing to put effort into anything?

26. I have no idea what this means, but 100% expected a reference from The Deep.

27. I have never heard the term starfish used in this way… Starfishing in bed means taking too much room in bed when sleeping (limbs out like a starfish).
    “Sack of potatoes” is a term I’ve heard for women just laying there not moving during sex.
    (I’m in the UK)

28. None of what you described is normal *in my experience and culture*. I’ve been married for ten years now, and sex is the same as it ever was with my partner – passionate, energetic, mutual. When there’s chemistry and not just mutual masturbation, it’s not like you describe.

    If I **ever** notice someone is visibly uncomfortable during physical touch (as you’ve described several times within this thread), I stop. It’s not sexy, it’s not fun, and it’s not acceptable for me. If I feel like someone doesn’t want to be there, doesn’t want to touch me, doesn’t want to exchange energy, I’m out. No time for this eyes closed, looking away, appearing uncomfortable type behavior. He can get a Fleshlight or a new partner if this is how he shows intimacy.

    For me, your ex sounds horrible. Absolutely awful

29. Yeah, think most woman experience a starfisher/hear about one through their friends? Minimal kissing, expect oral but don’t reciprocate, rush to PIV, don’t moan or make any noise, just want the woman on top, jackhammer cos all they care about is coming asap, don’t get their partner off if they come first

30. After reading some of the ladies comments, my ego in regards to my sexual skill/enthusiasm has been slightly inflated.

    I always figured I was decent because every partner I was with, I was with multiple times and have been told I was good.

    But holy cow! We really got dudes out here laying lifeless during BJs!? Not using their hands!? (How is that even possible), no vocalization, not even a grunt!? No compliments, no laughter!? How do these men get away with this?

31. YES. Most of the guys ive been with have done this to me. Horrible. Im not about ONS so i sleep with them more than once and ive even been told “do your magic” while they just lie there WTF. Ive never finished btw

32. Wel this is the probleme me and my girlfriend have i sleep like a star fish while she is the one to barely move and i like move a lot in sleep and take up most of the space

33. What in the hell is a starfish?