Should soft and slow be the default?

11 comments

1. Why aren’t you communicating with your partners before sex? It can be as simple as a whispered “how do you want me to fuck you” into her ear.

2. Everyone is different. Having a conversation or just a short dialogue about what they’re into can make a mediocre experience phenomenal because if you put effort into it you’re suddenly on the same page and working together.

   Regardless, I almost always start slow and soft. It’s safe if nothing else. Even with good foreplay sometimes you have to proceed with mindfulness and patience until a person’s body is receptive to really enthusiastic and rough shit. I can always escalate. Building a crescendo is sexy and sets a precedent for a dynamic experience. They can feel anticipation growing and they can ask for faster, harder, or deeper, and get it. Or they know that when I’m steady and rhythmic at a medium pace I have all this extra protentional just waiting. Going from steady thrusting for several minutes to some hard, deep slamming shit for a bit, then down to some soft, deep, grinding stuff where you can kiss them or nibble their neck can scramble people’s brains. Going hard out the gate kinda puts you in a corner. Even if they’re cool with that, there’s no buildup. You immediately give yourself nowhere to go but down. It’s great for quickies, though.

   Sometimes the foreplay has been extensive and they need it hard desperately and immediately, and I’m not gonna lie, that shit’s not about the sex, it’s about getting off fast and hard. So every encounter is unique. Let’s be real, most people are terrible at sex. Some people are good at giving partners orgasms, but they’re still bad at the meat of the experience, the sex itself. Just treat every second of every encounter with mindfulness and the need for feedback and communication so you both get what you need, how you need, when you need it.

3. I’ve always had a lot of discussions beforehand and really only looking for those who want bdsm, but yes tge absence of any discussion soft and slow should be the default and she’ll tell you soon enough if you are boring her

4. Paying attention to your partner’s verbal and nonverbal feedback should be the default.

5. A moderate pace is right there.

6. Communication should be default

7. First of all no two people are the same. The default should be pay attention and learn and communicate.

   Secondly if you truely master going slow going hard, agressive, fast, or domineering is very easy. However if fast is all you know you probably suck at going slow.

8. In what context? A one night stand? The first time during an exclusive relationship?

9. Every woman is different. Before you even get naked, straight up ask, “So what turns you on” or “So how do you want me to fuck you” in a naughty way.

   Women need mental stimulation to get REALLY turned on. Talking about it (which instantly makes you imagine it) first can be super hot.

10. I believe so. Personally, I just think it’s very, very weird to mix pain with pleasure. You’re committing an intimate act that’s supposed to be full of love and desire. Hurting someone is not part of that equation in my book.

    Men that watch a lot of porn tend to have and want very rough sex, and in my experience those men do not really care about your wellbeing all that much.

11. Not only is every woman different, but every time is different. Sometimes I want soft and slow, sometimes I want hard and rough, sometimes I want to start soft and slow and get rough. There should be communication happening before and throughout the whole experience. But yeah, I’d probably default to soft and slow, initially.