I (36m) met my girlfriend (29) just 3 months ago. After a week of dating we had a really amazing weekend and we both fell for each other hard. I brought it up and told her I deleted my tinder because I wasn’t interested in anybody else and she agreed. She told me she deleted it and was happy with me.
2 months into the relationship one of my employees told me he saw my girlfriend pop up on tinder. I asked her if she deleted it and she lied about it and said she didn’t know how to delete her account and she wasnt active on it at all. After a while of talking she said that she only deleted the app. She re-downloaded it to show me and it said her card was hidden. I glanced at it and it didn’t look like she had been talking to anyone recently but I didn’t look thoroughly enough to see if she was matching with people.
So she paused her account and deleted the app off her phone, but when I wasn’t around she downloaded the app again and was active. Then she paused her account and deleted the app again. We talked about it a week later and she said she kept her account because she didn’t trust me because I was too good to be true. So she kept the app to see if she could find me using tinder. I don’t know if I should believe that or not.
I told her it broke my trust and she said she knows she messed up and said it would not happen again.
The lying about it is what really did the damage, but at only 2 months of dating I’m wondering if this is a major red flag or something I should just let go. What do you guys think?
TLDR: Girlfriend lied about deleting tinder.
18 comments
Do you want to be with a liar? Yes or no.
If she can’t trust you and you clearly can’t trust her, I don’t see a point in continuing. It very much is too “good” to be true.
She’s 29 and still wants to play the field, definitely red flag, move on before she eventually hurts you worse.
If she’s already lying multiple times 2 months in, I don’t think things will get better. You’re right to trust your gut.
If she is broken enough to need to lie to you because your a good guy it’s time to also be a confident guy and find a better chick.
Frankly though this is gaslighting 101. She will probably always blame her issues on you no matter what. She is most likely just a terrible person and manipulative narcissist with delusions of being far more mentally intelligent than she really is. Cut your losses either way.
She lied, no way she can recover from that. You want to be with a woman that can’t lie because she’s not used to and is too afraid to be caught, not with one that can lie to your face and forget about it.
A lot of women love to keep dudes on the side and have their options open in case you fu*k up or she finds something better.
Run dude, run!!
You can try… but you won’t
Major red flag. If I were in your shoes I’d break up right away.
She belongs to the streets.
Please don’t fall for it. She lied about having the app at all, then it was oh I never deleted it because I didn’t know how. She THEN downloaded the app AGAIN and was using it when you aren’t around. The worst part was instead of being honest, she then blamed it on you saying you were too good to be true and she was using the app to look for you. Yeah, right.
Move on.
She didn’t keep the app and keep downloading it and signing in because she didn’t trust you or you were too good to be true. She didn’t because she wasn’t that into you and wanted to keep her options open. This wasn’t a mistake that lasted a couple weeks. This was a present issue that a coworker brought up to you.. which is humiliating because people you know now are aware your girl is kind of trash.
People that refuse to delete their dating apps are the weirdest kind of cheaters because even if things didn’t work out it literally takes 2 minutes to make a new and full profile.
It’s not even about the tinder account, it’s that she has no impulse control or integrity. It’s one thing to say “look I’m not ready to be exclusive yet” but it’s another to lie about it.
I forgave my last ex for the same thing. I regretted it 18 mos later.
> We talked about it a week later and she said she kept her account because she didn’t trust me because I was too good to be true.
*Please* tell me you don’t believe this.
The first sentence made me eye roll. You did not fall in love over a weekend – give me a break.
If you she’s already demonstrating you can’t trust her and you’re only a few months in, why do you even want to keep trying?
Why can’t you find someone your own age anyway?
Look, she could’ve deleted Tinder and not used it while being with you, but for some reason she was using it and lying about it.
Understand this – she could’ve deleted it and if things didn’t work out between you two, she could easily get back on it, but nah, she had to use it while being with you. It’s shady, just run away from her.
When dating someone, if you have any intentions of something more than just a physical relationship, you are using the dating period to judge whether they have similar morals, principles and beliefs. Their words and their actions marry up naturally because it’s a reflection of their character.
If I had to pull someone up on a lie so early on, I’d take it as a sign they’re not on the same level in terms of emotional maturity (she should have told you she wasn’t ready to get rid of tinder just yet even though you were).
If you don’t have the patience to work on forgiving this lie and move past it, then end it.
No a lie is a lie sounds like she’s looking for a “better” option
This is the same chick that was flirting with a dude at the bar, and said that she would have been mad if you had done it, right?
She’s just not serious about this. You’re a post-divorce relationship. It’s not like she’s a monster, but she’s not committed and you should adjust accordingly.
Also “kept the app to see if she could find me using tinder” is hilariously absurd. No, she’s lying about that part.