I’m 27f and started trying to date about a year ago. I have essentially no experience with anything physical. I have had only one kiss in my life that lasted 0.5 seconds. Still, I’ve come a long way since I first started trying to date. I now feel like I can make good conversation, it flows well and isn’t awkward, and I have a good time. I’m not nervous about meeting guys and getting to know them anymore.
I know I’m not supposed to be looking for “the spark” and sometimes it takes me a while to know if I’m into someone. I try to go on at least a few dates with one person to avoid dismissing anyone too quickly. One issue I’m having is that a date will go well, but the guy will say there was “no connection” so he’s not interested. My friends said that means there weren’t any “sexual vibes” and I think that’s probably true because I don’t know how to project those vibes. Most of the guys I’ve met seem like nice people but I haven’t been attracted to them, so I want to see if attraction can build over time, but they think I’m just not interested? Also how do you even show someone you’re attracted to them without making it really obvious that you have no experience? I also don’t want to wait TOO long to see if I can become attracted to someone though, because I did that once for a few months and every time he tried to touch me I cringed and it just ended up being a waste of time for both of us and I felt badly about that.
Recently I met a guy who I like. He doesn’t want anything serious which I’m ok with because at this point I honestly just want to experience SOMETHING already. He’s nice and I’m definitely attracted to him so I think this would be a good learning experience. He knows I’ve never been in a relationship but not that I have NO experience. We’ve been on 2 dates that were both great. On the second one he touched my hands and my back and seemed like he wanted to kiss me, but I was nervous he would find out I’ve never done this so I redirected the situation.
My inexperience especially at this age is preventing me from actually gaining experience. When I see him again, I want it to be ok if he kisses me. I also need to be more comfortable and seem confident in these situations because dating is different than friendship and I need to be comfortable with physical touch. I am embarrassed about having to tell someone that I’ve never experienced any of it. Is there a way to seem like I know what’s going on and to not seem like a 15 year old LOL? I’m worried I won’t know what I’m doing and it’ll be so obvious and embarrassing.
I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!
3 comments
It’s less embarrassing for a woman to be inexperienced than a man, I’m simply stating the truth.
If you want him to kiss you the next time around, then the obvious answer is for you to not “redirect the situation” as you did the first time. And you can also help him out by initiating a kiss, it’s easy to do if you already know he wants to kiss you.
Just to let you know I had my first kiss when I was 24. At that time I was soooo embarrassed because I was like “how can a person my age not have any experience” thankfully he understood where I was coming from (he did me dirty at end but that’s a post for another day lol). Don’t let inexperience make you feel like bad. What you can do is try to hold hands and once you feel comfortable get a little closer to him. Once you feel comfortable try leaning in for a kiss. Don’t overthink it, let it flow naturally.
Best of luck!
Well, you could date someone at your experience level: a 15 yr old. –kidding!!! (& it’s illegal)
>Most of the guys I’ve met seem like nice people but I haven’t been attracted to them, so I want to see if attraction can build over time, but they think I’m just not interested?
While much rarer, you’d do well with the marrying kind imo, those actually looking for a relationship likely leading to marriage, rather than a hookup.
I think a lot of the men you likely encounter expect you to be expressing an interest in them sexually by around the 3rd date and it’s largely not happening (and you’ve not stumbled across a pushy guy who won’t bother waiting for signals).
You likely find any forms of intimacy highly unnerving. So, start small, eg. with hand holding, and gradually encourage more and more.