UPDATE: I’m Leaving Him And Need Good Advice On Healing

It’s been a while and I thought I would post an update. This is my original post [(6) I’m Leaving Him And Need Good Advice On Healing : relationship\_advice (reddit.com)](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x2kwwp/im_leaving_him_and_need_good_advice_on_healing/).

I left him and he made my life miserable. I blocked him so he found other numbers to call me from. I blocked those numbers too. He sent me aggressive texts messages and emails once he realized I wasn’t coming back. First he said “okay, you made your point, now stop the tantrum”, which progressed to “aren’t you taking this too far?”. He would say he was sorry and insult me within minutes.

The message that I found alarming said “you think you are so smart”. I did email him a complete list of my expenses (that lead nowhere) and a formal request for reimbursement after he had me pay rent with promise of equity and lied. I did transfer the 40k from our joint account as basically, it was my salary getting drained into it. He went ballistic, called me a thief ad threatened me.

I retained a lawyer who did wonders to help me out. First of all, she had her staff analyze my bank statements, his texts and emails from early in our relationship and anything pertaining to my investment. The money I paid in excess rent amounts to 89k as he also asked me to put down some money for a pool and a deck that never got built. Because he wrote it down but had the gall to deny all promises when I asked in writing, it counts as fraud. I was so foggy I’d forgotten about the pool and deck. That was before I moved in. I did ask and he kept putting it off.

So, via due diligence, my lawyer finds out he was about to lose the house so he likely used my money to get up to date and after that, he most have used it for himself. We filed a lawsuit because he was being unreasonable. He was pretty confident and very arrogant during our meeting (at his lawyer’s office). He eventually got very irritated and scolded my attorney and demanded she call him “sir” and or “engineer”. This pissed her off.

My lawyer did a timeline of his messages with dates and hour. He wrote me both from his Gmail account and his corporate account. She contacted the company’s HR and asked for their policies on moral conduct and spousal abuse, verbal abuse and misuse of communication tools. Then she circled back to his lawyer. His company is very active in social responsibility, so this is not good for them. Specially because of his harassment. One message said he wanted to use my mouth like a p#$$y.

He agreed to pay me back in full “out of good faith”, stop contacting me and will pay me an additional 60k divided in 3k a month to compensate for my anxiety (this is true and I have a medical record and a job counselor) and the time and money that could have gone into my own career. It’s been ratified and he already issued a first payment. He cried poor but agreed to make a down payment of 25k for the 89k and will complete the remaining 24k (64k minus the 40k I transferred) by December as he asked for reasonable time.

I hated the process. It was good to see him deflate but I was stressed out. So, right now I’m interested in moving further away. I changed my number but still, I want to feel safer.